# I'm on vacation! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 1, 2000, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290 "2000-07-01T18:43:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/1 "2000-07-01T18:43:14Z")
Okay, kiddies and kiddettes, UncleBeer is taking a much needed vacation as of this very moment. In my absence, I want no parties, no long distance phone calls made, and no one is to drive the car for any reason. Stay out of the liquor cabinet and try to keep your rooms clean while I’m gone, too; I don’t want a lot of housework when I get back. Seriously though, I’ll be gone for at least a week and my net access is going to be severely curtailed during this time. Please email Eutychus during my sabbatical, or use my web-based account at [unclebeer@teemingmillions.zzn.com](mailto:unclebeer@teemingmillions.zzn.com)[/email for any crises that may arise. I can’t promise I’ll get around to actually reading anything you send there, but what the hell, it’s worth a shot, eh? Don’t forget to feed the dog. And dammit, untie your little brother. ---
**Author:** ![light\_strand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a6a055/32.png) [@light\_strand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/light_strand)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/2 "2000-07-01T18:51:11Z")
But having my little brother tied is the best way to: Prevent parties, make sure no one gets in the liquor cabinet, keep the car in one piece, and keep him off the phone. Besides, his room stays REALLY clean that way, AND it cuts down on laundry and water usage. Would it be ok if I fed him to the dog? ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/3 "2000-07-01T19:26:39Z")
[smartass on] Vacation ? WTF ? Mods get to go on vacation like real people ? This will never do UncleBeer, get back here. You are setting a bad example. Geez, the next thing you know they will want time away from their computers to actually eat meals, spend time with friends and family and the right to vote. [/smartass] Have fun UncleBeer. Pssst, guys he’s gone ! PARTY AT UNCLEBEER’S PLACE !!! ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/4 "2000-07-01T19:49:00Z")
Guy Stuff - the Revenge! ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/5 "2000-07-01T20:10:24Z")
Alright UncleBeer, you go on your vacation. And when you get back, I’ll be ready to take you on. I’ll have more facts and statistics than ever **seen!** BWUHAHAHAHA!!! I’ll be over here, studying. You better be ready UncleBeer, this is gonna be one helluva debate. I’m already selling ringside tickets. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/6 "2000-07-01T20:12:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Guy Stuff - the Revenge! > \*\* WooHoo ! Who has the moose schlong ? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/7 "2000-07-01T20:25:16Z")
Errr…I believe Melin has possession of the moose schlong, as payment for keeping our sorry butts out of Leavenworth. Last I heard, she’d hung it up over her desk to intimidate other lawyers, and it was working. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/8 "2000-07-01T20:30:39Z")
Stuff and bother ! Well there’s more than one way to de-schlong a moose ! We have to Sealemon in here and send him out out hunting. I’ve got 3 microwave burritos and a bottle of tequila here for ammo. Who has the matches ? Seale, Seale where are you ? ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/9 "2000-07-02T04:01:53Z")
Melin does indeed possess the Sacred Moose Schlong, or at least the absolute article. But, as any powerful icon is wont to do in this strange universe, it may replicate and appear to those in particular need. Just today I observed the Moose Schlong descending cumulonimbusly from the clear blue sky. I don’t know what it means, but I’m hopin’ for the best resurrection of the true tenets of Guy Stuff. I don’t think UncyB would mind… Carry on, y’all! And Ayesha, hon, I heard you could start a fire with an intense glimpse! WhoTF needs matches? ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/10 "2000-07-02T04:18:05Z")
UnkaBeer has left? And we know where he lives, so to speak? Have a great time, honestly. Donthca worry about a thing around heres. Euty will protect the property…whoops! he seems to be in the throes of Gilbert & Sullivan overload. Well, never you fear. We’ll just retrieve the UnkaBeer Memorial Moose Schlong from it’s place on the moon, and empty your fridge and liquor cabinet because we know you’d WANT us to! Jello shots on UnkaBeer’s couch, direct the ammo from the wagon-wheel ceiling light…and who invited the Brazilian Bikini team? uh, you DO rent, right? Veb ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/11 "2000-07-02T04:48:22Z")
Shit, before he was a mod, **Unc** would have given us ALL the details. Where is it, buddy? Sandusky or Ipperwash? I call dibs on bouncing on the bed. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/12 "2000-07-02T05:06:13Z")
I think we’s beein’ a little too verbose here… BBBBBUUUUUUUURRRRPPPPP!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/13 "2000-07-04T05:20:58Z")
Slackers! We only have so much time until Uncle Beer gets back… and we want him to be proud, don’t we? I got Melin to let me make a cast of the Moose shlong - which will forevermore be known as the Wally M7 Memorial Schlong. I’ve got a case of Irish whisky and a truckload of Guinness… who’s with me? ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/14 "2000-07-04T05:24:45Z")
I’m with you Sassy, but first I think we need to find his private stash of…BEER!!! ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/15 "2000-07-04T05:41:23Z")
:: steps up and respectfully touches the fake moose schlong:: I have been blessed, now let’s party ! BTW, who is that passed out in the bath tub ? It was damn hard to take a shower standing over that guy ! Unc has some cool towels, do you think he minds me using them ? ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/16 "2000-07-04T05:44:00Z")
Um, I’ll admit that I already went into the liquor cabinet, but there really wasn’t much in there. ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/17 "2000-07-04T05:44:27Z")
Aye… I do believe that is the last guy who touched the schlong… ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/18 "2000-07-04T05:53:17Z")
(cosily plopped on couch, feet on UncaBeer’s collection of Lawrence Welk CD’s and vintage Penthouses) Ya know, I’s suprised the big guy didn’t take his car. Since we need to make a beer run anyway, didja know you can make a killer jerky, dried out on a aluminum foil stretched over the exhaust manifold? Anybody know how to hotwire a car? And do that ginzu fine slicing thing on a cat? Veb ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2000, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/19 "2000-07-04T06:06:02Z")
Veb, I’m sure we can learn how to do both by surfing the net. Can I drive, I know I don’t know how to drive well, having only done so about ten times in my life, but I’m sure UncleBeer won’t mind me learning in his car ! Sue, ok, but _who_ is he ? I swear I think he was peeking while I was standing over him. I believe he has a banana in his pocket too. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290/20 "2000-07-05T06:21:26Z")
Okay, back with the Guinness, the Manifold Jerkey smells a bit odd, and we only sideswiped one car on the way. It was a cop car anyway, so they have a radio to call for a tow. Sheesh, what’d you guys do that _couch!?_ Oh well, UncaBeer probably didn’t like it much anyway. If we turn over the cushions the charred parts hardly show. Hey, he probably has plenty of guns around here. Anybody else wanna improve the neighborhood and use some of those tacky window planters for target practice? Veb [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-on-vacation/24290.md?page=2)