# I'm planning a lobster execution tonight. Any advice? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 30, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264 "2004-12-30T17:08:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/1 "2004-12-30T17:08:34Z")
Okay, there’s a first time for everything. Our local Asian markets are selling live Maine lobsters at an excellent price this week, so it’s time to take the plunge. I’ve never cooked lobsters before, and while I know the basics, does anybody have any advice for a nervous first-time executioner? ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/2 "2004-12-30T17:25:14Z")
The best method for the nervous executioner that I have found comes from, who else, Alton Brown. The tools: Big pot small rocks or a steaming insert (AB used river rocks ~1-2" diameter) Water Get the water up and steaming strongly and place the lobster in the bottom of the pot on the rocks. Place the lid on, count to ten and the lobster will have shuffeld of his mortal coil. Easy peasy, no? You donb’t want the lobster in contact with the bottom of the pot or immersed in the boiling water. Afterwards you can do with it as you will but do it quickly, lobster goes bad pretty darn fast. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/3 "2004-12-30T17:31:11Z")
A blindfold, a cigarette and a quick shot to the back of the head. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/4 "2004-12-30T17:43:37Z")
Ooo! Might I suggest a hatpin through the brain?! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/5 "2004-12-30T17:47:26Z")
**MikeG** ’s method is pretty much the way my grandfather taught me to do it, except gramps also used seaweed. A ten count doesn’t seem long enough. Sure, they’ll be dead, but they’ll also be raw. If you want steamed lobster (the only way to go, in my opinion) leave them in there for 20 minutes or so, depending on their size. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/6 "2004-12-30T17:50:47Z")
Depends on how you’re planning on cooking it, but there are three ways to do this: 1. Take a chef’s knife and place the tip (with the blade facing forward) in the little head groove a bit behind the eyes. There’s a crease in the shell. Punch straight down, quickly, and then chop forward with the knife. The bug’s head will be split in half and he’ll be dead. Then you can turn the knife around and cut the whole thing completely in half if you want to cook it that way. 2. Dunk the little sucker head first into a big pot of boiling water. 3. Steam him as per **Mike’s** instructions. If you’re squeamish, chill the lobster in the freezer for a while before you off him. His nervous system, such as it is, will basically shut down. It’s like cheap bug anesthesia. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/7 "2004-12-30T18:01:24Z")
Steaming is better, but boiling works just fine too. DO NOT place a live lobster in a pot on water that hasn’t yet boiled. Trust me. Make sure you get steamers (steamed clams) and have plenty of drawn butter. You should have a few nutcrackers and sturdy forks to remove the shells. Lots of paper towels, it should be a messy affair. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/8 "2004-12-30T18:15:06Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Steaming is better, but boiling works just fine too. DO NOT place a live lobster in a pot on water that hasn’t yet boiled. Trust me. You’ve piqued my curiosity. I think it’s story time. ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/9 "2004-12-30T18:51:44Z")
Another tip from Mr. Brown that works well…stick your lobsters in the freezer for 15 minutes or so before you’re ready to end them. The cold will really slow them down. That way you won’t get any thrashing around as you lower the lobsters into the steaming pot of death. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/10 "2004-12-30T19:08:30Z")
J’accuse! There is only _one way_ to execute the _aristo_ lobster…ze guillotine!! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/11 "2004-12-30T19:34:19Z")
If it sings, would you still execute it? ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/12 "2004-12-30T19:34:22Z")
As much as I like Alton Brown, that ain’t no way to cook a lobster. “Count to ten”?? You don’t really need rocks. Just get a big pot and put three or four inches of water on the bottom. Throw in some salt. Bring the water to a full, vigorous boil. When the water is boiling, put in the bugs in upside down, head first. Replace the lid and cook for about 20 minutes. When they’re done, they’ll be bright red, the tail will be tightly curled, and when you flex the tail outward the meat you see from the underside will be milky white. Putting the lobsters in the freezer first is up to you. I don’t do it and never have. ---
**Author:** ![cckerberos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@cckerberos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cckerberos)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/13 "2004-12-30T19:46:37Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Steaming is better, but boiling works just fine too. DO NOT place a live lobster in a pot on water that hasn’t yet boiled. Trust me. Really? I’m pretty sure that’s the way my mother’s always cooked them. ---
**Author:** ![smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smoke)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/14 "2004-12-30T19:47:42Z")
I think a few people are misunderstand the significance of the Great Alton Brown’s (may He entertain us always) “count to ten” line- it’s not “count to ten and Voila! It’s cooked!”. It’s “count to ten and it’s already dead”, and was a response to the imagined squeamishness of the viewer to killing lobsters. He’s just saying that they don’t suffer for long. (Whether they suffer at all is a matter for another debate.) ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/15 "2004-12-30T19:48:16Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > As much as I like Alton Brown, that ain’t no way to cook a lobster. “Count to ten”?? AB was only counting to ten to allay the fears of those who felt that killing lobsters this way is cruel. He was stating that by the time you count to ten, the lobsters will be dead…not fully cooked. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/16 "2004-12-30T19:51:58Z")
> [@Ass For A Hat](#): > > AB was only counting to ten to allay the fears of those who felt that killing lobsters this way is cruel. He was stating that by the time you count to ten, the lobsters will be dead…not fully cooked. Ah! I misunderstood. Thanks for the clarification. ---
**Author:** ![smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smoke)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/17 "2004-12-30T20:06:31Z")
Invisible guy Invisible guy Friendly neighborhood Invisible guy… ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/18 "2004-12-30T20:56:09Z")
> [@cckerberos](#): > > Really? I’m pretty sure that’s the way my mother’s always cooked them. Dropping live lobsters in not yet boiling water?! That’s a recipe for disaster, IMO. Granted, if the water is at 200 F it’s going to kill them just as fast as boiling, but if the water is at 100 F they’re going to kick and trash and try to escape, possibly knocking the lid off the pot and waving their claws and little antenae around before succumbing to the inevitable in a pathetic death scene reminiscent of bad 1950’s melodrama. Or so I’ve been told. Never seen it myself, naturally. Please, move along. Stop looking at me like that. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/19 "2004-12-30T20:59:47Z")
Why do you keep calling them bugs? They’re crustaceans, no? Calling them bugs makes me think of roaches and beetles. That’s not how I want to think of my lobsters. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264/20 "2004-12-30T21:08:21Z")
Try not to succumb to the temptation to giving them names, or letting them race across the kitchen floor a few times before you do them in (placing wagers on the winner may also be illegal, depending on your jurisdiction). Getting so attached just makes it that much harder when you have to shove poor “Flippy’s” head into a pot of boiling water; and then the tail just kinds flails all around, and in the back of your mind, you think you can hear that high-pitched little squeal “Aieeeeee! Dooooon’t killll pooor Flippy! Nooooooo!”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-planning-a-lobster-execution-tonight-any-advice/282264.md?page=2)