# I'm pregnant? What!!!! (Wait, no, I'm not.) \[edited title\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775 "2012-06-20T18:28:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/81 "2012-06-21T23:15:16Z")
I sry **Zsofia**. I go the “Z” girls mixed up. I was talking about **Zjestika** , of course. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/82 "2012-06-21T23:19:44Z")
It’s ironic that you’re worried about the infant stage **Mint Julep**. That’s the easy part. It’s the [del] terrible twos[/del] [del] toddler stage[/del] [del]pre school[/del] [del]school years[/del] teenage years that are the worst. The baby thing is a snap. ETA - congratulations. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/83 "2012-06-22T00:17:24Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > I sry **Zsofia**. I go the “Z” girls mixed up. I was talking about **Zjestika** , of course. My bad. Or you’re psychic- can you handle your newfound powers? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/84 "2012-06-22T00:40:18Z")
That’s it. I’m going to CVS RIGHT NOW. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/85 "2012-06-22T01:37:34Z")
…whew. Don’t DO that to me. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/86 "2012-06-22T01:45:16Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > In this culture we’re entirely too fast to go “Pregnant? BABY! squeeeeee!” without regard to the fact that not every pregnancy is a welcomed or good thing. I’ve known women who were thrilled to have a surprise pregnancy, and others who came under significant pressure to NOT get an abortion. Yet millions of women have abortions each year. She’s an adult, she can make her own decision without you worrying about what is influencing her. Or anyone else, of course. > [@](#): > > There are plenty here cheerleading staying pregnant and having the kid, it’s not a crime for some of us to mention she should consider all alternatives. Or did you blaze past the part where I said it’s perfectly OK for her to have changed her mind? I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m reading that she’s made up her mind already and supporting her. I’m sure she’s aware that she can change her mind if she wants without you informing her of that. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/87 "2012-06-22T01:57:03Z")
I was reading that she was stressed out and a little freaked by the whole thing. Whatever. ETA: Nor was I the only one to mention there were alternatives, but for some reason folks locked onto my statement instead of anyone else’s. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/88 "2012-06-22T02:00:38Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I was reading that she was stressed out and a little freaked by the whole thing. Whatever. Yes, she’s certainly stressed out. ---
**Author:** ![rivulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/89 "2012-06-22T02:01:09Z")
So… congratulations,OP! If it makes you feel better, I am _so_ not a baby person, but even I’ve managed to muddle through with two of them. There are books, friends, family, and very patient nurses to talk you down late at night when you call the pediatrician’s exchange. You aren’t alone. What’s cool is that the baby phase only lasts so long and you soon realize that you are hanging out with a little person. My oldest is 4 1/2 and it’s amazing how, even though he is still very much a little boy, how I can just talk to him and hang out with him. And I love the great things he has to say. Not just “awww what a cute kid” stuff, but very perceptive observations. So, just remember. The freaky time of pregnancy and babyhood is temporary. You will do fine! ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/90 "2012-06-22T02:43:01Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > …whew. Don’t DO that to me. Congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/91 "2012-06-22T02:45:52Z")
The guy behind me in line at the really-college-student CVS gave me kind of a funny look, I assume because I was buying beer and a pregnancy test. I gave it right back, as he was buying white wine and condoms. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/92 "2012-06-22T09:34:25Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > It’s ironic that you’re worried about the infant stage **Mint Julep**. That’s the easy part. It’s the [del] terrible twos[/del] [del] toddler stage[/del] [del]pre school[/del] [del]school years[/del] teenage years that are the worst. Not sure about that, my grandmother complains about her daughters’ second childhoods… Congratulations **Zj** on your baby and **Zs** on your not-baby 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/93 "2012-06-22T10:30:22Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > ALL ancestry puts you at some risk, everyone has the potential to carry a bad gene or genes. > > If it’s a disease that there is treatment for or something can be done for by all means go ahead, but if you decided you’re dead-set against an abortion don’t allow yourself to be pressured into tests where the only “solution” is to end the pregnancy. Sorry, but that’s not good advice. Point of testing is not just the “keep/end pregnancy” dichotomy, but also the “educate myself so we’re prepared from day 1” plan. Knowing you’re having a child with specific health issues lets you emotionally accept the idea before you deliver and do everything you can to be ready once the baby arrives. This POV, which I hear often, that genetic testing is basically to push people into abortions is not true. Knowledge is power, regardless of your plan based on the knowledge. There are good reasons pro/anti testing, but avoiding testing because there’s no cure and people are going to want you to terminate is not one of them. I second the opinion that baby stuff is one kind of challenging: physical and sleep deprived. Teen challenging is a whole nother ball game. My advice: treat your child, from the start, as an individual. Some babies (toddlers, kids etc) just don’t fit the pattern most baby books write about. My son hated to be swaddled, hated routine etc etc. My daughter was a different in all her ways. Find a book that speaks to you and trust yourself. You and dad will know your kids best. Books do help, but they aren’t the be all. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/94 "2012-06-22T10:57:00Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Sorry, but that’s not good advice. Point of testing is not just the “keep/end pregnancy” dichotomy, but also the “educate myself so we’re prepared from day 1” plan. Knowing you’re having a child with specific health issues lets you emotionally accept the idea before you deliver and do everything you can to be ready once the baby arrives. Yeah. That’s why I said _“If it’s a disease that there is treatment for or something can be done for by all means go ahead”_ but if you find out it’s something fatal, incurable and untreatable what do you think the medical establishment is going to recommend? > [@](#): > > This POV, which I hear often, that genetic testing is basically to push people into abortions is not true. Knowledge is power, regardless of your plan based on the knowledge. There are good reasons pro/anti testing, but avoiding testing because there’s no cure and people are going to want you to terminate is not one of them. Why not? I used to work with the sort of Christians who won’t abort under any circumstances. One gal had a test that indicated her child might have Down’s. She was very strongly pressured to have more and more tests - but why? The possibility had been raised, she wasn’t going to change her mind on keeping the pregnancy, and the further testing carried a risk of miscarriage which she found unacceptable. This _really is_ the OP’s choice. Unfortunately, medical people are still people and they have their own bias. Just as people are recommending that she find an OB/GYN that’s compatible with her I’m saying she’s not compelled to take every single test under the sun unless she wants to do so. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/95 "2012-06-22T11:35:39Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Yeah. That’s why I said _“If it’s a disease that there is treatment for or something can be done for by all means go ahead”_ but if you find out it’s something fatal, incurable and untreatable what do you think the medical establishment is going to recommend? There is value in knowing what is coming even if you are not going to abort and even if there is little to no treatments available. The “medical community” (as if it’s homogenous) doesn’t push abortions just because you don’t have treatment- people choose to deliver even terminally ill children. There is no value discovering problems in the delivery room, when instead you can be mentally prepared for that outcome. There is more you can do than just medical treatment, when you are having such a situation. > [@](#): > > Why not? I used to work with the sort of Christians who won’t abort under any circumstances. One gal had a test that indicated her child might have Down’s. She was very strongly pressured to have more and more tests - but why? The possibility had been raised, she wasn’t going to change her mind on keeping the pregnancy, and the further testing carried a risk of miscarriage which she found unacceptable. > > This _really is_ the OP’s choice. Unfortunately, medical people are still people and they have their own bias. Just as people are recommending that she find an OB/GYN that’s compatible with her I’m saying she’s not compelled to take every single test under the sun unless she wants to do so. Genetic or congenital disorders can be complex. So you can do advanced testing to know if the baby is even a candidate for such treatment or to understand the scope of the problem even if you can’t treat. Based on the info you may arrange your life differently. Buy different equipment. Arrange for caregivers. Save money for future expenses. Bring extended family into to visit early on or take FML leave from work and get it all arranged early. Thinking that the only point of testing is abort/treat is a false dichotomy, that many people do not fully think out. If the mom decides not to risk the miscarriage that’s a reasoned decision, but just a blanket statement that testing is bad if there is no treatment or you’d never abort is a not good advice. Weighing pros and cons is good advice. I even said in my post that there are good reasons to not want testing. The risk of harm to the fetus can certainly be one of them. But getting tested and taking that risk is also a valid and viable option. I’m not arguing that choosing not to test is never valid. I am arguing that testing has value even if there is limited/no treatments available or if you’d never abort. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/96 "2012-06-22T12:41:54Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > I’m not arguing that choosing not to test is never valid. I am arguing that testing has value even if there is limited/no treatments available or if you’d never abort. While there are a lot of reasons that make the hypotetical really, really big, if I got pregnant I’d want to get the test for Down’s - not in order to decide whether to abort or not (I wouldn’t), but in order to know whether to ring that Association of Friends and Families of People with Down’s Syndrome (it’s got a different name and wider scope now) which my family have been members of since I was in infancy, or not. I’m 44, so at higher risk of a Down’s child than younger women. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/97 "2012-06-22T13:02:20Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > While there are a lot of reasons that make the hypotetical really, really big, if I got pregnant I’d want to get the test for Down’s - not in order to decide whether to abort or not (I wouldn’t), but in order to know whether to ring that Association of Friends and Families of People with Down’s Syndrome (it’s got a different name and wider scope now) which my family have been members of since I was in infancy, or not. I’m 44, so at higher risk of a Down’s child than younger women. Exactly. Plus, there are some aspects of Down Syndrome that aren’t treatable at birth, but some complications (heart defects etc) that most certainly are. If someone is definitely going to keep the child, then knowing if the baby needs heart surgery at birth is a very compelling reason to want to get further testing. With my second child we were concerned about CF plus a whole scope of other genetic problems (none of which ended up happening- it was only a 10% chance, but those odds seem pretty big in the middle of it). I chose to have further testing, so I was ready and best prepared to help my child, physically and emotionally. Not a single healthcare provider- nurse, OB, genetic counselor pushed- anything on us. They gave us options, helped us weigh the risks and supported our decisions. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/98 "2012-06-22T14:08:29Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Genetic or congenital disorders can be complex. So you can do advanced testing to know if the baby is even a candidate for such treatment or to understand the scope of the problem even if you can’t treat. Based on the info you may arrange your life differently. Buy different equipment. Arrange for caregivers. Save money for future expenses. Bring extended family into to visit early on or take FML leave from work and get it all arranged early. Yeah, that’s fine if you’re middle class or above and have health insurance (which I assume the OP does) but for uninsured college students working on missionary degrees that isn’t going to make a spit of difference since they simply didn’t have the money for “different equipment”, to pay caregivers, or save money - essentially, no matter what they’d throw themselves on the mercy of their local church. Meanwhile, all those tests were expensive and they’d have to pay out of pocket with money they didn’t have. I truly hope the OP is not in that position. The point still stands, though, that one does not _have to_ get every medical test, one does not have to get every advanced test (especially if there are serious risks), and one should not simply blindly follow what any particular doctor says but actually think about the situation because, as parent, you will be responsible for making decisions on your child’s behalf for the better part of two decades and you might as well get started early. There is also the fact that those tests do not catch every possible problem and can lead to a false sense of confidence that everything is fine, only to be severely surprised at the actual birth. It’s rather like women who have a completely uneventful pregnancy and fully plan for a natural childbirth only to have the situation hit the fan in labor necessitating prompt and plentiful medical intervention. > [@](#): > > If the mom decides not to risk the miscarriage that’s a reasoned decision, but just a blanket statement that testing is bad if there is no treatment or you’d never abort is a not good advice. Please do not distort my statements. I _never_ said testing was “bad”, I said there are times there is _no point_ to it. That applies both to testing for various disorders to even how many routine ultrasounds a woman has during pregnancy. Granted, ultrasounds are low-risk for everyone, but if money and/or time is a consideration it’s entirely appropriate to ask if the number recommended is _really_ necessary. > [@](#): > > Weighing pros and cons is good advice. Yes, we’re both saying that. Perhaps, as someone who has lived in the lower tier of medical care for about 5 years now, who has become accustomed to doctors recommending all manner of tests until finding out our insurance status at which point we’re told that we don’t _really_ need this or that thing, I’ve become skeptical about the whole establishment. My approximately 15 years prior to that working in the health industry, where there unquestionably some testing being recommended as cover your ass and defense against lawsuits rather than for the benefit of the patient, also has made me deeply skeptical of the medical establishment. I think too many people (not just the pregnant ones, but all of them) simply accept “get this test” without asking the purpose of the test, the need for it, and the risks of it. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/99 "2012-06-22T14:12:28Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > The guy behind me in line at the really-college-student CVS gave me kind of a funny look, I assume because I was buying beer and a pregnancy test. I gave it right back, as he was buying white wine and condoms. Beats being a guy buying tampons and baby formula. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2012, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775/100 "2012-06-22T14:16:22Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Exactly. Plus, there are some aspects of Down Syndrome that aren’t treatable at birth, but some complications (heart defects etc) that most certainly are. Yes, and again, just to add perspective - there are hundreds of possible things that can go wrong medically with a child, with or without a genetic defect. We tend to put genetic defects in one box and label them all “horrible” and normal pregnancies in another and label them “perfect.” It’s not at all that simple. That’s all I’m trying to say. > [@](#): > > If someone is definitely going to keep the child, then knowing if the baby needs heart surgery at birth is a very compelling reason to want to get further testing. Absolutely. They are even doing surgery for certain congenital defects and diseases on fetuses in the womb now! Medicine is amazing. > [@](#): > > With my second child we were concerned about CF plus a whole scope of other genetic problems (none of which ended up happening- it was only a 10% chance, but those odds seem pretty big in the middle of it). I chose to have further testing, so I was ready and best prepared to help my child, physically and emotionally. Not a single healthcare provider- nurse, OB, genetic counselor pushed- anything on us. They gave us options, helped us weigh the risks and supported our decisions. Good to hear. You hear horror stories about providers sometimes, but I’m lucky to have never encountered that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-pregnant-what-wait-no-im-not-edited-title/625775.md?page=6)