# I'm receiving some seriously mixed signals from this woman. Care to help me decipher them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 31, 2014, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468 "2014-07-31T05:28:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/21 "2014-07-31T18:58:13Z")
My opinion - She WAS initially into you, but her interest is tapering off. She has possibly possibly begun to focus her interest on someone else, and is stringing you along just enough to keep you as a backup in case that doesn’t work out. The incompatibility of both your schedules certainly isn’t helping matters. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/22 "2014-07-31T19:01:49Z")
Keep in mind, he’s about to leave for a week and soon after, she’ll be leaving for college. She probably wanted something for the time being, but now is focusing on the future - getting ready to head off and start a new chapter in her life. I don’t necessarily see it as being a personality flaw with the OP as much as it is just something to attribute to timing. Even if they go on a date before he leaves for a week, how much time will they have together after he returns and before she leaves? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/23 "2014-07-31T19:13:39Z")
> [@Calatin](#): > > I don’t necessarily see it as being a personality flaw with the OP as much as it is just something to attribute to timing. Even if they go on a date before he leaves for a week, how much time will they have together after he returns and before she leaves? It’s impossible to explain this to a man in way that makes sense to him. No man has ever said no a date and the chance for some hanky panky on the grounds that “I’ll never see her again afterwards”. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/24 "2014-07-31T19:30:36Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > It’s impossible to explain this to a man in way that makes sense to him. No man has ever said no a date and the chance for some hanky panky on the grounds that “I’ll never see her again afterwards”. _Pulls waist of jeans away from self_ _Looks down at penis_ _Looks back up_ Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/25 "2014-07-31T19:42:10Z")
Send her a cute, flirty text and wait for her response, then ask her out for drinks. If she says anything besides “yes” or “I’d love to, but I’m booked tonight. Tomorrow?” then you’re out. ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/26 "2014-07-31T19:46:31Z")
Give us an example of a cute, flirty text. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/27 "2014-07-31T19:52:58Z")
If she’s moving in a few weeks for school, it’s understandable that she’s busy. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/28 "2014-07-31T20:04:55Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > First of all, damn, I feel as if I’ve been documenting my entire romantic life of the past 2-3 years on these boards. Sadly, a look at my post history reveals that I’ve not been remarkably successful in this arena, but I press on anyway. I would encourage you to draw an inference there. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/29 "2014-07-31T20:12:46Z")
> [@dorjän](#): > > give us an example of a cute, flirty text. no pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/30 "2014-07-31T20:17:46Z")
> [@Dorjan](#): > > Give us an example of a cute, flirty text. You: Today the janitor lady “accidently” grabbed my butt at work. I definitely felt a squeeze…and everybody in the office saw it! Her: Haha that’s hilarious! You: Yeah I’m kind of the office hero now. Care to grab a drink tonight so I can tell you about my horror story? ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/31 "2014-07-31T20:50:06Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > The thing is, I’m about to leave the state for a week to go visit some family & I’d really like to see this woman one last time before I leave. I told her this via text message - not my preferred method of communication, to be honest (it’s her’s) - and I haven’t heard back from her since. > > A couple things to consider: This woman is actually moving to another city in a few weeks in order to attend her new college in the fall. However, she plans on commuting home every weekend to see her family, and she also knows that I’m **not** moving away for school. Note that we both finished CC a couple months ago, but we’re gonna be attending different unis in the fall. Two thing: 1. People actually ask for each others Twitter handles while flirting? 2. Based on the above paragraphs I can’t imagine why you would even want to go down this road. Just walk away. It would be a bit different if you had a hot and heavy relationship for as little as a few weeks, but you’ve barely seen this chick. Why would anyone want to try to do a long distance thing at this point? ---
**Author:** ![Rattle\_and\_Hum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Rattle\_and\_Hum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rattle_and_Hum)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/32 "2014-08-01T12:25:48Z")
Perhaps she was originally available but now another person is in her life. May be nothing to do with OP. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/33 "2014-08-01T15:34:14Z")
Maybe she’s just very sociable, likes having a lot of friends, and was making you another of her numerous friends. Seems like she was interested in having you along as parts of group activities rather than wanting to see you for an actual date. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/34 "2014-08-01T16:16:11Z")
She’s got another guy that she’s not sure if it’s going anywhere or not, and she wants to keep you on the line in case it doesn’t work out. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/35 "2014-08-01T16:21:55Z")
> [@bup](#): > > She’s got another guy that she’s not sure if it’s going anywhere or not, and she wants to keep you on the line in case it doesn’t work out. That was my take. Her guy was treating her badly when you first met her. ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/36 "2014-08-01T19:08:43Z")
> [@Dorjan](#): > > Give us an example of a cute, flirty text. “So…Your virginity…When (approximately) did it go out the window?” ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/37 "2014-08-01T22:10:43Z")
> [@elninost0rm](#): > > “So…Your virginity…When (approximately) did it go out the window?” The answer is not the answer, but the response. ---
**Author:** ![2ManyTacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/3da27b/32.png) [@2ManyTacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2ManyTacos)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/38 "2014-08-13T19:02:57Z")
A bit of an update: Just before I took off for my week-long trip, I sent her another message letting her know that I was leaving. About a day later she responded by wishing me a good time, and since I’ve returned I have yet to hear from her. I’m pretty sure that it’s time to drop this whole thing, though. She begins school next week, which means that she’ll be moving away at some point within the next few days. Sadly, I just think that the timing of this entire thing kept anything from ever actually happening. If our schedules weren’t so seemingly incompatible, or if she weren’t about to relocate to another city altogether, something between the two of us could have likely materialized. Oh well. Still, I continue to ponder just what exactly her perspective was throughout this entire experience. My best guess is that she was after something hot and heavy - but not long-term - during her remaining weeks of summer break. If I had jumped on this a little sooner that might have been possible, so I definitely bear a bit of responsibility on this road to nowhere. Maybe I should’ve also been more aggressive with her at the party three weeks ago, but, y’know, I naturally adhere to the gentlemanly thing in order to not come off as a creep or an asshole. Live & learn. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/39 "2014-08-14T01:12:00Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > Still, I continue to ponder just what exactly her perspective was throughout this entire experience. I urge you to NOT overthink this. You met a girl. You hit it off with her and hoped something more might come of it. It didn’t. Now she’s gone. That’s life. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2014, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468/40 "2014-08-14T01:42:09Z")
Basically it sounds like she wasn’t that into you and didn’t have the courtesy or the guts to tell you about it. I’ve been there, on both sides. The advice I’ve always thought wise was if they are into you they will find a way to see you. If not they may like you but they are not in love/lust with you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-receiving-some-seriously-mixed-signals-from-this-woman-care-to-help-me-decipher-them/694468.md?page=3)