# I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm retarded! I'm retarded! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 10, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510 "2004-03-10T17:05:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/1 "2004-03-10T17:05:41Z")
I have a whole bunch of questions for [this](http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20040310/ap_on_re_us/million_dollar_bill&e=4) woman: [ol][li]First, I’ll just get this out of the way: Are you retarded? No, seriously: are you _retarded?_[/li][li]How you buy $1,675 worth of stuff at _WalMart_?[/li][li]How would you like your change?[/li][li](You do realize that waiting around for change is what got you busted?)[/li][li]Is WalMart the first place you thought of? I mean, if I thought I had a million dollars, or even if I was gonna try to scam someone with a million-dollar bill, WalMart would _maybe \* be the second place I’d think of. Maybe.[/li][li]Did the cashier ask if you had anything smaller?[/li][_]Are you retarded?[/ol] ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/2 "2004-03-10T17:15:32Z")
She’s either really really really stupid, or she has some mental issues. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/3 "2004-03-10T17:17:50Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > How you buy $1,675 worth of stuff at _WalMart_? She obviously needed to buy Big Mouth Billy Bass talking fish for ALL her friends at the crack house. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/4 "2004-03-10T17:45:40Z")
I actually have one of those bills. It does look real. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/5 "2004-03-10T18:06:27Z")
Now, I’ve never seen one of those novelty $1 million bills in real life, so I don’t really know how real they look. However, even if the woman in question thought it was a real bill (however stupid that would make her…and it would make her pretty damn stupid!), who i god’s name would ever expect a store to keep that kind of change in a cash drawer? It wouldn’t even fit in the drawer, even made up of mostly $100 bills! I worked as a cashier a while back, and when my restaurant was very busy, I could have as much as $3,000.00 in the drawer, which barely fit. Any more than that and I had to take it out and put it in the safe. I’m curious as to what her reaction was when she was caught with the bill. Did she fight, claiming that the bill was real (even though she knew it wasn’t)? Or did she have absolutely no idea what they were arresting her for? ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_B.Phart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Capt\_B.Phart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_B.Phart)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/6 "2004-03-10T18:12:06Z")
Well, it _could_ have worked - It did some years ago here in the UK when someone added a few zeros to a cheque from Social Services, changing £50 to £500,000. A Post Office cashier calmly handed over 1/2 million quid and the guy disappeared. I remember being impressed at the chutzpah of the low-tech forger - and the dumbitude of the cashier passing wads and wads of 50s over the counter to someone on Social Security ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/7 "2004-03-10T18:16:22Z")
One of the most wonderful stories of the year. But the best line is this: > [@](#): > > A clerk at the store immediately noticed the bill was fake when 35-year-old Alice Regina Pike handed it to her on Friday… Gosh, isn’t Wal\*Mart lucky the cashier was sharp enough to “notice” the bill was fake? A real Sherlock Holmes. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/8 "2004-03-10T18:21:22Z")
I don’t understand how she could get charged for forgery if it was a novelty bill… I man, if I grab some monopoly money and try to buy something at k-mart will I get arrested for forgery? I thought the charge of forgery was for those that actually MADE the money, not bought it at a novelty store. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/9 "2004-03-10T18:23:10Z")
A million dollar bill is a bit overkill, but don’t underestimate the stupidity of cashiers. Back in my teens I worked at a Taco Bell. The owner had several framed bills that customers had managed to pass off as real. Including a $20, that was actually a $1, with the corners from a $20 glued on. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/10 "2004-03-10T18:24:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Pike, of Porterdale, was charged with forgery. Why forgery? What did she forge? Wouldn’t attempted theft by deception or some such be a more sensible charge? ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/11 "2004-03-10T18:26:17Z")
If I had a million dollar bill I would have started with getting a better haircut. Then on to Walmart for that shopping spree. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/12 "2004-03-10T18:27:27Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > I actually have one of those bills. It does look real. Who’s on the face? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/13 "2004-03-10T18:31:05Z")
Um, it’s not forgery to make fake bills. If it were, Monopoly would be illegal. It’s forgery to try to pass one off as real money. The maker of the bill didn’t do that, the retarded woman did. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/14 "2004-03-10T18:46:28Z")
I think she has a very lovely mullet. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/15 "2004-03-10T18:48:55Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Um, it’s not forgery to make fake bills. If it were, Monopoly would be illegal. It’s forgery to try to pass one off as real money. The maker of the bill didn’t do that, the retarded woman did. Or her husband did. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/16 "2004-03-10T18:49:48Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > Who’s on the face? I have two of those bills. One has Lady Liberty, the other has Ronald Reagan. The Reagan one came from my state’s Republican Party (natch), the other one I got from a novelty shop. Lady Liberty seems to be the “standard” for such joke bills, in my experience. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/17 "2004-03-10T18:50:01Z")
[Dr Eeevil] I just want some groceries, I don’t have anything smaller, I just got paid by the UN [/Dr Eeevil] ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/18 "2004-03-10T18:52:47Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Um, it’s not forgery to make fake bills. Yes, it is. Monopoly™ money is not considered forgery, since it doesn’t have the appearance of being geniuine and is not considered as having the ability to fool anyone into thinking they are genuine. Read more about [forgery](http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/293/293lect12.htm). ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/19 "2004-03-10T18:52:53Z")
She looks like this guy who used to beat me up after school. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510/20 "2004-03-10T18:55:40Z")
> [@World Eater](#): > > > [@lissener](#): > > > > Um, it’s not forgery to make fake bills. If it were, Monopoly would be illegal. It’s forgery to try to pass one off as real money. The maker of the bill didn’t do that, the retarded woman did. > > Or her husband did. Funny you should mention that. > [@](#): > > [Rockdale Citizen/Newington Citizen](http://www.citizenonline.net/citizen/archive/article3A17C437A15D4A0FB28ECDFCECD59647.asp%5B/url) > The suspect told Seebaran that her husband had given the bill to her before he left town on a trip. And some history of the million dollar bill: > [@](#): > > According to the Treasury Department’s Web site, the infamous $1 million dollar was created in 1982 when a Canadian firm began to sell the note for $1 as a collector’s item. > In fact, the fake bill created such a stir that the Secret Service actually investigated the case as a possible threat to national security. > However, no violations of federal currency laws were ever found and the bills continued to be sold, despite the Treasury Department’s protest. > Since that time, several incidents pop up each year with people trying to use the fake bill as legal tender. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-rich-im-rich-im-retarded-im-retarded/233510.md?page=2)