# I'm running for...something. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 4, 2015, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951 "2015-09-04T23:28:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/1 "2015-09-04T23:28:45Z")
I’m putting together an exploratory committee to see what elective office I should seek next year. Until I get more funds, the chair of that committee is…a chair–maplewood, maybe–that my cat sleeps on. I was going to ask the cat, but she demurred. I have the policy positions other candidates won’t take! [ul] [li]I’m the only candidate in this race (whatever race it is) who advocates Ohio building a new Mount McKinley: an even better, higher[del], classier[/del] mountain than Denali! In Ohio, for the enjoyment of the people of Ohio! Not way off in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness, where, like, nobody ever goes![/li][li][del]I’m the only candidate who will abolish birthright citizenship _retroactively._ That’s right, from now on, only those candidates who are naturalized citizens will even be citizens. But there will be a path to citizenship for all previous citizens, with a quota set generously to allow between 1% and 2% of previous “natural-born” citizens to undergo naturalization every year. Every year! How about that![/del][/li][li]I’m the only candidate to repudiate the game-playing of the “pro-life” and “pro-choice” lobbies. I will vote to make abortion\* mandatory and performed by robots\*–in cases where three doctors and a licensed bioethicist agree it is necessary to save the mother from death, grievous bodily harm, or other gross personal risk.[/li][li]I’m the only one who’d walk across the fire for you! And you! And you! (Not you over there with the pipe, though; just these other people.)[/li][li]I’m the only candidate in this race (probably) who has embraced the global potential of the precedent of the Iran deal. If we can stick Western inspectors in Iranian uranium refinement facilities, imagine what we could do in North Korea! Or to French cheesemakers! A new world order of our inspectors protecting the world from not only nuclear weapons, but stinky cheese, awaits! If only we will but take it![/li][li]I will sponsor legislation making Lady Gaga a Living National Monument, so that the Park Service will protect her from degradation and harm. She’s the good kind of weird.[/li][li]I’ll bring back Firefly. With Dichen Lachman.[/ul]I rest my case.[/li] ETA: After conferring with my chair, I’m walking back the “no birthright citizens” thing. We’ll see what the poles say. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/2 "2015-09-05T00:00:17Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > ETA: After conferring with my chair, I’m walking back the “no birthright citizens” thing. We’ll see what the poles say. 1. Please don’t talk to your chair, unless it’s occupied. Empty chair “conversations” don’t go well. :dubious: 2. what do the poles have to do with it? 😛 3. If you bring back Firefly, I will consider moving to Ohio and supporting your candidacy. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/3 "2015-09-05T00:05:16Z")
> [@ddsun](#): > > 1. what do the poles have to do with it? 😛 I’d assume that the OP is talking about Polish Ohioans. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/4 "2015-09-05T00:14:00Z")
In Soviet Russia, Poles wait for what YOU have to say! ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/5 "2015-09-05T01:43:23Z")
This is better suited to MPSIMS than Elections. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/6 "2015-09-05T02:04:52Z")
I don’t think you’ll get far as an anti-pipe candidate. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/7 "2015-09-05T03:55:00Z")
I’m running from… something. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/8 "2015-09-05T06:50:41Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > - I’ll bring back Firefly. If it was Rufus T. Firefly, you’d get my vote. Alas, he’s dead. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2015, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/9 "2015-09-05T15:44:43Z")
[quote=“foolsguinea, post:1, topic:729951”] [li]I’m the only candidate in this race (whatever race it is) who advocates Ohio building a new Mount McKinley: an even better, higher[del], classier[/del] mountain than Denali! In Ohio, for the enjoyment of the people of Ohio! [/li][/QUOTE] Will it also be OF the people of Ohio? ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/10 "2015-09-06T04:12:30Z")
I am waiting for what my cat Mister Whiskers says. Evidently he is in contact with **foolsguinia’s** feline and wants to be elected also. Why I ask? Blank stare, as if I am an idiot. Who knows - but he said you have a pretty good agenda - and if I gave him a few bucks he would gladly donate to your campaign. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2015, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/11 "2015-09-09T04:51:17Z")
The cats are already [preparing their campaign](http://www.cbc.ca/m/news/canada/ottawa/cat-election-sign-chelsea-quebec-1.3217605). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2015, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/12 "2015-09-09T13:54:49Z")
Finally - an interesting politician in Ohio to replace James Traficant. A lot of us Pennsylvanians will move just to vote for you! Have you picked out a tagline yet? ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/13 "2015-09-09T20:24:53Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > I was going to ask the cat, but she demurred. Depurred? ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/14 "2015-09-16T19:05:12Z")
I would like to contribute to this Mt. McKinley thing. Where can I mail my cup of dirt? ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/15 "2015-09-16T21:34:21Z")
So, **foolsguinea** …will we be seeing you on stage at the debate tonight? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-running-for-something/729951/16 "2015-09-16T21:51:11Z")
You make your cat sleep on a maplewood chair? I could never vote for someone like that.