# I'm seriously considering a seperate locked bedroom **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908 "2015-09-29T02:13:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/1 "2015-09-29T02:13:28Z")
Between my wife who has undiagnosed ADHD or something that causes her to sleep in literal minute increments and wake continuously during the night, and a five year old that wakes up for water or to use the restroom several times and WON’T let anyone sleep when he is awake I’m losing my sanity. I’ve gone days without a decent nights sleep, and actually felt like crying when I manage to fall asleep and am then jolted awake moments later by my kid dooming me to another sleepless night. I sleep like a rock once I am asleep and don’t wake during the night, but have a hell of a time falling asleep even if I am dead tired. If I get woken odds are I won’t be able to fall back asleep and the whole next day is miserable. I’ve long has this issue with insomnia. And then sometimes I get “woken” and I’m not actually conscious, I won’t remember it the next day and am not all there at the time. A couple of times like a year ago I started using Ambien to knock myself out, but of course I was bugged awake and went on many nonsensical adventures I don’t remember but at least it felt like a good nights sleep!🙂 Last night it was around 11, kid was asleep my wife was asleep and I was the last one awake, turned off all the lights and laid down with a silent house awwww. Just now I was told sometime after my wife got up to pee, which woke up my son and he was screaming for water and followed her to the toilet so she yelled for me to get it. She said she found me pacing the kitchen holding a pot cover, and apparently there were more incidents where one of them tried to wake me only for something vitally important only for me to do sleep walking hi-jinks. And I can only say thank jebus I didn’t actually wake because last night was restful and refreshing even if I was really pacing the kitchen. My wife is like this sleep walking thing is disturbing an weird, how can you sleep so deeply you don’t wake. She thinks its normal to sleep in blips a few minutes long. What if there is an attack or shooting, you’re just going to sleep through it you need to be ready to jump up and grab something. I’m like I agree in theory, but my brain doesn’t. I’ve adapted as best I can, and it was miserable, but it appears the compromise my brain worked out or maybe sleep deprivation is sleep walking. I’m like once everyone is in bed thats it, there should be no nothing after until morning. edit:Funny anecdote we’ve had sex I don’t remember because apparently I was sleep fucking, not just cowgirl style either I mean involved. Where I was later like wait we did? LOL. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/2 "2015-09-29T02:37:12Z")
1. your wife needs an eval and possibly some sleep or mood meds. 2. your kid needs some discipline, as in, he doesn’t run the house. I think your part of the problem is not pursuing these solutions. But as someone who’s been having sleep issues for a week or so, I entirely sympathize. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/3 "2015-09-29T03:25:40Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > 1. your wife needs an eval and possibly some sleep or mood meds. > 2. your kid needs some discipline, as in, he doesn’t run the house. > > I think your part of the problem is not pursuing these solutions. But as someone who’s been having sleep issues for a week or so, I entirely sympathize. She thought everyone slept like she does, says she has her entire life. She found my dead as a rock sleep style odd at first but there was no issue it isn’t like she tried to wake me at night if she woke. Hell when it started she was like you never told me you sleep walked, I said I never did before I needed to get up and do things after going to freaking sleep. I’m kinda thankful for the sleepwalking, because at least it feels like a continuous night of sleep instead of me trying to fall back asleep and failing. I’ve considered going back on ambien so at least I a guaranteed feeling like a night of sleep happened. Then grude jr happened and as of a few years ago yea, he has autism so usual parenting doesn’t work, if daddy is unconscious that just means you have to cup his head and put your strength to use propping him up to a sitting position. I’ve pretended I didn’t wake up and he does the full Weekend at Bernies routine. Good luck taking a nap if you can when he is awake. He also won’t sleep alone in a room by himself, has to be one of us present. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/4 "2015-09-29T03:39:43Z")
Is sleep-running-amok a viable solution? ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/5 "2015-09-29T03:40:19Z")
Damn, **grude** , I wish I had something useful to tell you. I’ve had insomnia for years and I can’t imagine having to deal with not getting sleep _and_ a screaming five year old. My sympathies, such as they are. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/6 "2015-09-29T03:41:09Z")
Sounds like you each need your own locked room. At ten, the doors can lock you in automatically and not unlock til six! ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/7 "2015-09-29T03:48:10Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Just now I was told sometime after my wife got up to pee, which woke up my son and he was screaming for water and followed her to the toilet so she yelled for me to get it. Why couldn’t lil grude wait until she was done in the bathroom to get him water? Or better, why couldn’t he get it himself? Am I missing something here? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/8 "2015-09-29T03:50:16Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > Why couldn’t lil grude wait until she was done in the bathroom to get him water? Or better, why couldn’t he get it himself? > > Am I missing something here? Apparently, Little Grude is autistic, on top of being 5 years old. Maybe he’s the one who needs the sleep meds, not Mom & Dad. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/9 "2015-09-29T03:53:46Z")
I’m like the OP. I have an extremely hard time falling to sleep. People who nod off easily don’t appreciate how bad it is to wake somebody like us up. It means we won’t be able to go back to sleep and will spend the next day walking around like a zombie. It’ll probably even throw off our ability to sleep the next night. So for somebody to wake me up it had better be serious. Like “The house is on fire” serious not “I was wondering if you wanted me to make pancakes for breakfast.” ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/10 "2015-09-29T04:02:02Z")
Dude, promise me you will never leave or do something stupid enough to get yourself banned somehow. Seriously, there’s probably some internet-famous to be had if you were to narrate your OP’s and have someone do some appropriately accompanying animations. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/11 "2015-09-29T04:15:10Z")
Oh yea I dunno if this is some weird reaction particular to me or not, but those OTC in the US sleep aids with diphenhydramine or other anticholinergic drugs don’t put me to sleep they actually seem to stimulate me and keep me up, if they don’t cause a weird feeling like my eyes and skin are dried out and prickly feeling that drives me nuts and keeps me awake. I feel jealous of the people they knock out. I just want some kind of switch I could flip to go to sleep for sure as long as I’m dreaming. My wife can drink something with caffeine and it knocks her out for hours. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/12 "2015-09-29T05:08:19Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Oh yea I dunno if this is some weird reaction particular to me or not, but those OTC in the US sleep aids with diphenhydramine or other anticholinergic drugs don’t put me to sleep they actually seem to stimulate me and keep me up, if they don’t cause a weird feeling like my eyes and skin are dried out and prickly feeling that drives me nuts and keeps me awake. I feel jealous of the people they knock out. > > I just want some kind of switch I could flip to go to sleep for sure as long as I’m dreaming. > > My wife can drink something with caffeine and it knocks her out for hours. The reactions you describe are more common in children, but they can certainly happen to adults too. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/13 "2015-09-29T05:13:31Z")
Earplugs? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/14 "2015-09-29T05:16:24Z")
But seriously, a separate locked bedroom sounds in order. Talk with your wife how you will compensate her for her broken nights with little grude. ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/15 "2015-09-29T09:00:48Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Apparently, Little Grude is autistic, on top of being 5 years old. > > Maybe he’s the one who needs the sleep meds, not Mom & Dad. I fail to see how being an autistic 5 year-old demanding water justifies waking someone. Let alone someone who has sleeping difficulties. Doesn’t really sound to me like an emergent-- drop everything-- wake the guy who is sound asleep up-- issue. Especially given the hunch that the wife is perfectly capable of giving the child water as soon as she’s finished conducting her personal business. It is downright inconsiderate. Probably conditions the child to bark an order and expect everyone to roll out the red carpet to execute the given command. Then again, I’m not a parent, nor do I know anything about autism. Did I misunderstand the original post? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/16 "2015-09-29T09:47:45Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > I fail to see how being an autistic 5 year-old demanding water justifies waking someone. Let alone someone who has sleeping difficulties. Doesn’t really sound to me like an emergent-- drop everything-- wake the guy who is sound asleep up-- issue. Especially given the hunch that the wife is perfectly capable of giving the child water as soon as she’s finished conducting her personal business. > > It is downright inconsiderate. Probably conditions the child to bark an order and expect everyone to roll out the red carpet to execute the given command. > Then again, I’m not a parent, nor do I know anything about autism. > > Did I misunderstand the original post? Nah… I think you misunderstand wives… Mine does this as well ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/17 "2015-09-29T09:58:15Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Nah… > I think you misunderstand wives… > Mine does this as well Misunderstand wives? There seems to be a lack of communication and boundaries. Whose fault is it? Wives by default!? ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/18 "2015-09-29T10:16:13Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > Misunderstand wives? > There seems to be a lack of communication and boundaries. > Whose fault is it? > Wives by default!? Absolutely Otherwise - why are you blaming the victim? :dubious:😃 ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/19 "2015-09-29T11:06:47Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Absolutely > Otherwise - why are you blaming the victim? :dubious:😃 By definition, victim: > [@](#): > > noun > 1. > a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency: > a victim of an automobile accident. > 2. > a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency: > a victim of misplaced confidence; the victim of a swindler; a victim of an optical illusion. > 3. > a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed: > war victims. > 4. > a living creature sacrificed in religious rites. > > [VICTIM Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/victim) Nevermind, guess you’re right. Not sure how improving communication and establishing boundaries would be effective in a parent-child or husband-wife relationship. Probably more conducive to a healthy relationship to continue to be \*victimized. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/20 "2015-09-29T12:48:29Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > By definition, victim: > > Nevermind, guess you’re right. > > Not sure how improving communication and establishing boundaries would be effective in a parent-child or husband-wife relationship. > Probably more conducive to a healthy relationship to continue to be \*victimized. She’s behaving badly He’s the victim of her bad behaviour But its his fault for not “establishing boundaries and communicating” Let’s try something different shall we She doesn’t say no forcefully He pushes on and gets his rocks off It’s her fault for not communicating effectively and setting boundaries Hmmmmmm… One is “victim blaming” and one is “healthy relationship” Double standard much? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908.md?page=2)