# I'm seriously considering a seperate locked bedroom **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908 "2015-09-29T02:13:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/21 "2015-09-29T13:05:48Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > Dude, promise me you will never leave or do something stupid enough to get yourself banned somehow. > > Seriously, there’s probably some internet-famous to be had if you were to narrate your OP’s and have someone do some appropriately accompanying animations. I second this. I love your stories **grude**. I almost want to move to the islands and be your neighbor, just so I can be the straight man in your stories. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/22 "2015-09-29T13:20:34Z")
**grude** , things will get better. One day you will look back on this and laugh. And laugh some more, laughter evolving into cackling as you struggle against the restraints. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/23 "2015-09-29T13:20:56Z")
Grude…you had sex while you were asleep? That means you weren’t capable of giving consent… I hate to tell you this, but you raped yourself:eek: As a lifetime can’t get the fuck to sleep guy I can relate. My ex was the exact opposite and wasn’t considerate of my condition either. PS. If you get a room you can lock you can keep the turtles safe in there at night too 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/24 "2015-09-29T13:35:59Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > She’s behaving badly Behaving badly: Wake up and do what I say > [@bengangmo](#): > > He’s the victim of her bad behaviour > But its his fault for not “establishing boundaries and communicating” He wakes up and does what she says (complain about it in a thread later). He wakes up and does what she says = the word “yes” / I’m okay with this Conditioning her to continue this ‘bad behavior.’ > [@bengangmo](#): > > She doesn’t say no forcefully To sex, I’m assuming. She doesn’t say no at all, or she just doesn’t say it powerfully _enough_? Saying no, even if it isn’t ‘forceful’ = the word “no”/I’m not okay with this No means no. > [@bengangmo](#): > > He pushes on and gets his rocks off He’s a rapist if she said no. > [@bengangmo](#): > > It’s her fault for not communicating effectively and setting boundaries Again, he’s a rapist if she said no. > [@bengangmo](#): > > One is “victim blaming” and one is “healthy relationship” > > Double standard much? Nice analogy. Explain it better to me, cuz I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/25 "2015-09-29T13:53:11Z")
No, really, why doesn’t he stand up for himself more? I get it, she is the one who is being pushy, and she is being wrong, but I get really tired of men complaining about their wives\* instead of standing up to them. Oh, she sent me to the couch! Oh, she gets mad! Well, do something about it! Say something! I’m not saying start yelling or get in a fight. I’m saying, talk to her. And if she won’t even talk to you, then I don’t even know why you’re in a relationship. Communication is vital - I could certainly tell my love something he does really annoys me, especially something like sleep. There has to be a compromise where you can get some sleep. I am one of those people that can fall asleep instantly, and my SO is not, so I take as much trouble as I can not to disturb him at night. Does Mrs. Grude work? If she doesn’t work, she has no reason to wake Mr Grude at all. If she does work, then maybe you guys could alternate nights or something. You literally cannot function on lacking sleep. I know this! \*I’m pretty sick of women complaining about their husbands, too. I’m equal opportunity like that. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/26 "2015-09-29T15:22:19Z")
> [@grude](#): > > … > > Then grude jr happened and as of a few years ago yea, he has autism so usual parenting doesn’t work, if daddy is unconscious that just means you have to cup his head and put your strength to use propping him up to a sitting position. I’ve pretended I didn’t wake up and he does the full Weekend at Bernies routine. Good luck taking a nap if you can when he is awake. > > He also won’t sleep alone in a room by himself, has to be one of us present. I’m laughing at the Weekend at Bernie’s thing but I _do_ sympathize. One mildly autistic kid here who had HORRIBLE sleep issues until about age 2.5 - seriously, “ruining all our lives” bad issues. He did get over it eventually (younger than your kid). Might a pet of some sort be helpful for him? I don’t know if a dog would be appropriate - he might decide to take doggy for a walk in the middle of the night, which could be Very Very Bad - but something to provide companionship for him so maybe he won’t have to wake _you_ up. A separate bedroom might well be an option for you. I mean, it’s not _ideal_ for married couples to have separate rooms, but with an autistic, can’t-sleep-alone kid, there are privacy issues anyway - and you need to look out for your sanity so you can function. Your wife’s sleep is NOT normal-sounding. Might be worth persuading her to visit a sleep clinic just as a matter of principle. I’d bet she’s a lot tireder than she thinks she is - and undiagnosed apnea (which CAN happen with no snoring) can cause those kinds of sleep patterns. I don’t know whether there are good sleep clinics where you are (Trinidad and Tobago?) but it might even be worth a trip to Miami if that’s an option. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/27 "2015-09-29T15:26:24Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > The reactions you describe are more common in children, but they can certainly happen to adults too. Yeah, my daughter tended to have paradoxical reactions to medications. She was given a new antihistamine. We were told to give it to her at bedtime as drowsiness was a likely side effect. After two days of being up til 4 AM, we started dosing her in the morning. It wasn’t Benadryl (dipenhydramine), but she had THAT as a toddler once or twice and yeah, wired. And then there was the time she was on amoxicillin when she was 3 or 4. It’s not exaggerating (or not much) to say it made her borderline psychotic. The kid always tended to tantrumming, but during those 10 days it was 3-4 violent tantrums a day, utterly unprovoked. Egad. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/28 "2015-09-29T15:37:33Z")
Can you leave a bottle of water on little Grude’s nightstand? ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/29 "2015-09-29T15:51:55Z")
Your son wanting water in the middle of the night is an easy one to fix just put a bottle of water next to his bed at night. I can relate to wanting your own locked bedroom ! My ex husband talked in his sleep and I am hard of hearing so that is how loud he was . He also had 4 rounds of fights in sleep , his arms would go flying all over the damn place . I almost got broken nose while sleeping ! That was the straw that broke the camel’s back ! I moved into my daughter’s empty bedroom . I think you should have your locked bedroom if that is the only way you can get a good night sleep. Your own house would be better ! LOL! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/30 "2015-09-29T16:12:23Z")
Okay, I’m never again complaining about the cat waking us up at dawn every day. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/31 "2015-09-29T16:40:12Z")
No wife problems here but we also have a five year old son with high functioning autism who wakes up at anywhere between 1am and 4am and decides that our bed is the place to be. He doesn’t intentionally wake us up – he just wants to crawl in between us – but he’s then a restless sleeper and it’s damn near impossible to get a night’s rest. He’s also sensory seeking so he isn’t content unless he’s burrowed against one of us. Anyway, I empathize. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/32 "2015-09-29T17:59:52Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Yeah, my daughter tended to have paradoxical reactions to medications. > > She was given a new antihistamine. We were told to give it to her at bedtime as drowsiness was a likely side effect. > > After two days of being up til 4 AM, we started dosing her in the morning. It wasn’t Benadryl (dipenhydramine), but she had THAT as a toddler once or twice and yeah, wired. > > And then there was the time she was on amoxicillin when she was 3 or 4. It’s not exaggerating (or not much) to say it made her borderline psychotic. The kid always tended to tantrumming, but during those 10 days it was 3-4 violent tantrums a day, utterly unprovoked. Egad. Some people react poorly to red dye, which amoxicillin usually has in it. Has she had similar reactions to other red foods? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/33 "2015-09-29T18:01:05Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > No wife problems here but we also have a five year old son with high functioning autism who wakes up at anywhere between 1am and 4am and decides that our bed is the place to be. He doesn’t intentionally wake us up – he just wants to crawl in between us – but he’s then a restless sleeper and it’s damn near impossible to get a night’s rest. He’s also sensory seeking so he isn’t content unless he’s burrowed against one of us. > > Anyway, I empathize. I’ve heard plenty of stories about “normal” kids who do that kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/34 "2015-09-29T18:09:55Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Some people react poorly to red dye, which amoxicillin usually has in it. Has she had similar reactions to other red foods? Not that we ever observed, though it’s a reasonable question. My theory is that its effect on her gut bacteria may have caused behavioral issues; if you google “gut flora behavior” you’ll get a lot of hits from reputable sites talking about the possibility. Fortunately, she seems to have outgrown whatever it was; she’s had antibiotics a few times since then and it hasn’t recurred. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/35 "2015-09-29T19:55:17Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > I fail to see how being an autistic 5 year-old demanding water justifies waking someone. Let alone someone who has sleeping difficulties. . . . > > Then again, I’m not a parent, nor do I know anything about autism. > > Did I misunderstand the original post? Yes. Children are hard, especially when they have sleep issues. Upsetting them completely distroys any chance of anybody sleeping that night. There’s a time and a place to teach boundaries, this parent is saying “Now ain’t it.” Nobody else can possibly know all the tiny things that go into that judgement. Autism is a spectrum that can increase this difficulty factor by anywhere from 1 to 1,000. Failing to take care of something small can lead to hours of emotional trauma for these kids. (And everyone around them.) > [@grude](#): > > Oh yea I dunno if this is some weird reaction particular to me or not, but those OTC in the US sleep aids with diphenhydramine or other anticholinergic drugs don’t put me to sleep they actually seem to stimulate me and keep me up, . . . It’s common in those of us with ADHD. I’ve often wondered whether you are one of us. 😉 It seems to me that you are assuming you wife is unaffected by these nightly disruptions because she wakes naturally at intervals. It’s not the same at all. She wakes when her body is ready to, his interruptions are off-cycle and still make her more tired. So I would conclude that the fair thing would be for each of you to take turns sleeping in little Grude’s room with him, vs getting a full night’s sleep in your own bed. This has the added benefit of slowly getting him used to his own space. Move to a pad on the floor of his room when you can, but if he’s cuddle-hungry, it might be months before that’s going to work. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/36 "2015-09-29T22:01:39Z")
My people drive me to drink. Then I sleep okay. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/37 "2015-09-29T22:20:30Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > No wife problems here but we also have a five year old son with high functioning autism who wakes up at anywhere between 1am and 4am and decides that our bed is the place to be. He doesn’t intentionally wake us up – he just wants to crawl in between us – but he’s then a restless sleeper and it’s damn near impossible to get a night’s rest. He’s also sensory seeking so he isn’t content unless he’s burrowed against one of us. > > Anyway, I empathize. Have you thought getting a service dog for your son , the dogs are trained to comfort the person when they need extra attention . The dog could sleep in bed with your son and you and your wife could get some sleep. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908/38 "2015-09-29T22:46:07Z")
How is the separate locked bedroom going to work with the “sleep fucking”? Is it possible to schedule them more frequently? It might be good therapy for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-seriously-considering-a-seperate-locked-bedroom/732908.md?page=1)