# I'm sick... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2004, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153 "2004-10-02T04:33:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/1 "2004-10-02T04:33:41Z")
…I have a sore throat, an upset stomach, a sniffly nose, and a headache. What could I possibly have? (Yes, I am well aware I have a cold / flu bug. I want to hear all the crazy, outlandish things I possibly _could_ have. ;)) ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/2 "2004-10-02T04:37:21Z")
Mange? And if you’re also foaming at the mouth, you may have the rare strain of Shampoo Mange. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/3 "2004-10-02T04:42:39Z")
Ooo… that sounds bad. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/4 "2004-10-02T05:44:01Z")
Anthrax. Definitely anthrax. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/5 "2004-10-02T05:56:52Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > …I have a sore throat, an upset stomach, a sniffly nose, and a headache. > > What could I possibly have? > (Yes, I am well aware I have a cold / flu bug. I want to hear all the crazy, outlandish things I possibly _could_ have. ;)) Hypochondria with a touch of Idontwannadoanythingitis. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/6 "2004-10-02T06:09:51Z")
Sounds like _Alergis Workus_ to me, possibly complicated by The Doper Syndrome - an uncontrollable urge to stare at your computer all day. It’s contagious but rarely fatal, except to your job! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/7 "2004-10-02T07:27:38Z")
Could be a severe case of _Laka Nookie_ or SARS. ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/8 "2004-10-02T10:46:23Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > …I have a sore throat, an upset stomach, a sniffly nose, and a headache. > > What could I possibly have? > (Yes, I am well aware I have a cold / flu bug. I want to hear all the crazy, outlandish things I possibly _could_ have. ;)) You have a hangover. I think you drank to much at **Lobsang’s** LOTRs party last night! We all saw you there, taking a drink everytime someone said “The Ring”. Don’t deny it! ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/9 "2004-10-02T16:32:56Z")
Ah, you enjoyed it as much as I did 😉 Anthrax? Shampoo mange? That’s the worst I have? C’mon, guys! ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/10 "2004-10-02T17:02:15Z")
I still vote for a hangover. So, when do you plan on joining us at a member? 😃 I could introduce you to the “Doper Bart Chairguy” and sponsor you. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/11 "2004-10-02T17:16:28Z")
> [@Tiggrkitty](#): > > I still vote for a hangover. > > So, when do you plan on joining us at a member? 😃 I could introduce you to the “Doper Bart Chairguy” and sponsor you. Soon as I scrape up enough money! 😃 “Doper Bart Chairguy”? 😕 :o 😉 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/12 "2004-10-02T17:25:39Z")
I dunno what it is, but my uncle had the same thing and 40 years later he died. I’d be careful… ---
**Author:** ![Tiggrkitty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggrkitty/32/17966_2.png) [@Tiggrkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiggrkitty)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/13 "2004-10-02T17:44:51Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Soon as I scrape up enough money! 😃 > > “Doper Bart Chairguy”? 😕 > > :o 😉 🆒 :: sighs :: And I previewed. :smack: Doper Brat Chairguy. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/14 "2004-10-02T17:52:37Z")
It sounds like aliens abducted you in your sleep, slipped probes down your throat (thus making it sore), and implanted chip into your brain, the runny nose is the fluid draining off the fresh implant. Headache and upset stomach are from the drugs and traveling at light speed, of course. Any other orifices sore? I’ve heard a snug tinfoil hat can prevent these types of occurrences. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/15 "2004-10-02T22:50:16Z")
Well, starting from the top, the headache is from the flying elephant that landed on your pate. The runny nose is your allergic reaction to the panic-stricken monkeys that fluttered out of the elephant’s ass. The sore throat is either the result of screaming in horror at the giant slugs that emerged from the monkeys’ abdomens, or perhaps from the noxious gases released when the elephant fell off your head and landed on the slugs. The upset stomach is from overindulging in elephant tartare. In other words, you have a bad case of GOPitis. Take two Democrats and call me November 3rd. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/16 "2004-10-02T22:53:31Z")
**Tiggrkitty** : I’m a n00b, I don’t know who or what that is either! :smack: 😃 **Ghanima** : A tinfoil hat, just the thing! Do I have to use those Hershey’s kisses wrappings or will regular tinfoil do? \*\* EddyTeddyFreddy\*\*: Ah, but being of the True North Strong and Free persuasion, I suffer from Liberalitis at the moment 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kuizelemartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e19b73/32.png) [@Kuizelemartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuizelemartz)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/17 "2004-10-02T23:13:07Z")
Monkey Pox. That nasty bug was going around some where in the world about a year ago. I actually called into work, told them I had Monkey Pox and wouldn’t be coming in. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/18 "2004-10-02T23:30:03Z")
Sounds like that deadly virus that I’ve heard can actually spread over internet forums. I know it’s silly and will shortly be debunked on Snopes. But just the same, I’m backing off from my monitor and keyboard just as soon as I hit “Submit.” The rumor is that this thing can kill instan ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/19 "2004-10-02T23:35:40Z")
Sounds like the plauge. Make sure your family is prompt about putting your rotting corpse out on the side of the road when you finally kick off! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/20 "2004-10-02T23:38:08Z")
Dutch Elm Disease. Or maybe Irish Potato Famine. It’s very cool to call in sick to work claiming to have Irish Potato Famine. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153.md?page=2)