# I'm sick... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2004, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153 "2004-10-02T04:33:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/21 "2004-10-02T23:42:10Z")
**Ravenous Lady** : Did it work? **Zoe** : :eek: Somebody help! **Spudo** : The plague? I didn’t know they had computers in 13th-century Europe. Wow! 😉 **Colibri** : Dutch Elm Disease? That sounds fatal! ---
**Author:** ![Kuizelemartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e19b73/32.png) [@Kuizelemartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuizelemartz)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/22 "2004-10-03T00:18:01Z")
Ya, it worked. I was a hard worker and I had been feeling like crap a couple days before I called in sick. The person I talked to wasn’t the owner, so was easy to tell him Monkey Pox. They were a fun group of people, every one was happy to hear I was feeling better after my bout with Monkey Pox. Here’s a link if you’re just that bored and want to learn about it. [http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/monkeypox/](http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/monkeypox/) ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/23 "2004-10-03T00:44:30Z")
Legionnaire’s disease The French disease Rickets Jaundice Cholera Flavivirus Smallpox Possession by demons ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/24 "2004-10-03T00:48:24Z")
Halitosis. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/25 "2004-10-03T02:18:40Z")
These sound like the symptoms of Gadchecker’s disease. Gadchecker’s disease is caused by a rare, poorly understood bodily reaction to contact from the _Spenilucoccyl astremperi_ bacterium. Although _S. astremperi_ is by itself harmless, the Killer T cells of a small percentage of individuals seem to react with S-Freisplei-DX, a protein found on the surface of N-strain _S. astremperi_. The exact cause is unknown, but this protein seems to cause the Killer T cells of predesposed individuals to mutate. They then begin engulfing and destroying red blood cells, gradually robbing the blood of it’s ability to transport oxygen over the course of about 48 hours. Anemia and brain damage, leading to death, usually occur. Apologies in advance for implausible science in relation to my fake disease, and to anyone who happens to be named Gadchecker. Props to anyone who gets the S-Freisplei-DX reference. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/26 "2004-10-04T18:31:17Z")
Nymphomania. I’m a doctor, I know these things. OK, I’m not really a doctor, but I do know these things. OK, I don’t know squat, but we could pretend. The key is not to cure the disease, but to keep the symtoms well treated. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/27 "2004-10-04T18:40:34Z")
Hmmmmmmmm… not real sure what ya got there **Kythereia** but it sounds like it needs my world famous cure all. Take two well oiled nekkid cabana boys (or girls if that’s your thing) to wait on you hand and foot, a quart of Ben & Jerry’s, a bowl of chicken soup, and lie on the sofa with remote in hand and and call me in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/28 "2004-10-04T18:51:47Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Hmmmmmmmm… not real sure what ya got there **Kythereia** but it sounds like it needs my world famous cure all. Take two well oiled nekkid cabana boys (or girls if that’s your thing) to wait on you hand and foot, a quart of Ben & Jerry’s, a bowl of chicken soup, and lie on the sofa with remote in hand and and call me in the morning. Ooh! Ooh! I wanna be sick, _too_! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/29 "2004-10-04T21:54:01Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Ooh! Ooh! I wanna be sick, _too_! Ok. Take two 'nanner sammiches with lots of mayo and call me in the morning. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/30 "2004-10-04T22:38:48Z")
Too much deergoat. Like many German dishes it’s hard on your works first time around. Or it could be rabies. My baby’s got rabies. She’s absolutely MAD about me. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/31 "2004-10-04T22:47:29Z")
In my professional opinion as a certified liar, I’d say you either have AIDS, Alzheimer’s, bird flu, a mild sniffle, ebola, or The Dreaded Lurgie. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/32 "2004-10-04T23:27:34Z")
The musty-gusty grungy friggies. Has to be…either that, or the greasy snarf buckets. Yep. uh-huh… ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/33 "2004-10-05T00:38:22Z")
Wow, all these diseases… **Ravenous Lady** : Your workplace _rocks_. Can I sign up? No Monkey Pox from me, I promise… maybe Dutch Elm Disease or a bit of Ebola. 😉 **iampunha** : Which one? All of them at the same time? :eek: **Shirley Ujest** : Halitosis! My God… is it fatal? **emekthian** : Wow… Are you a sci-fi writer? You should be a sci-fi writer. **Doctor Jackson** : Care to help me with the cure? 😉 **swampbear** : I like the way you think! Want to join me in recovery with **TellMeI’mNotCrazy**? **Inigo Montoya** : Ooof… too much miruvor, too. (You know, you look even nicer when I’m not drunk on that stuff… ;)) **jjimm** : The Dreaded Lurgie? That sounds bad. Will I expire in a horrible and gruesome death? **Faruzia** : You must be channelling the guy I’m quoting below. 😉 To conclude, I quote a famous and well-known author: > [@](#): > > “I cannot go to school today,” > Said little Peggy Ann McKay. > “I have the measles and the mumps, > A gash, a rash and purple bumps. > My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, > I’m going blind in my right eye. > My tonsils are as big as rocks, > I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox > And there’s one more–that’s seventeen, > And don’t you think my face looks green? > My leg is cut–my eyes are blue– > It might be instamatic flu. > I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, > I’m sure that my left leg is broke– > My hip hurts when I move my chin, > My belly button’s caving in, > My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained, > My 'pendix pains each time it rains. > My nose is cold, my toes are numb. > I have a sliver in my thumb. > My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, > I hardly whisper when I speak. > My tongue is filling up my mouth, > I think my hair is falling out. > My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight, > My temperature is one-o-eight. > My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, > There is a hole inside my ear. > I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what? > What’s that? What’s that you say? > You say today is. . .Saturday? > G’bye, I’m going out to play!” –Shel Silverstein, of course 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/34 "2004-10-05T00:50:37Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > **emekthian** : Wow… Are you a sci-fi writer? You should be a sci-fi writer. Nope. I just know enough about human body processes and Latin-sounding names to BS about such things. I do write really bad fantasy, though. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/35 "2004-10-05T00:57:56Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Ok. Take two 'nanner sammiches with lots of mayo and call me in the morning. 😛 Yup, that would do the trick. :queasysmiley: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/36 "2004-10-05T01:00:06Z")
…and tired. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/37 "2004-10-05T01:13:59Z")
**emekthian** : Cite? 😉 **TellMeI’mNotCrazy** : Oooog. Poor thing _patpat_ Come and join me with my cabana boys and Ben and Jerry’s! (If you’re not of the ovarian persuasion or don’t swing that way, I can scare up a few cabana girls…) **NoClueBoy** : Of? (Hopefully not this thread. :() ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/38 "2004-10-05T01:29:08Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > **iampunha** : Which one? All of them at the same time? :eek: The only other possibility is that you didn’t heed my email advice… ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/39 "2004-10-05T14:47:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Halitosis! My God… is it fatal? Quite possibly - for anyone nearby. > [@](#): > > Care to help me with the cure? If it’s all the same to you, let’s let that halitosis run it’s course first. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153/40 "2004-10-05T14:53:37Z")
It’s either that you’re pregnant or you have plagiaritis\*. \*Generally a bad idea to post complete works [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sick/267153.md?page=3)