# I'm single and alone and thinking about starting online dating. Advice or websites you recommend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 25, 2018, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890 "2018-09-25T15:27:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/21 "2018-09-26T01:40:30Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > And of course you should continue with the traditional methods of meeting potential mates–via friends, clubs, churches… I think this point is very important. You don’t have to choose either or: online dating **or** traditional dating, why not give it all a try at the same time? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/22 "2018-09-26T01:51:04Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Not highly successful at finding partners. Or do you mean rich? Or do you mean has a good job? There seems to be a higher percentage of highly educated and financially well off women on Bumble than other sites. That’s just my perception and there may be regional and age range differences. I also found a much higher percentage of tall women. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/23 "2018-09-26T01:54:14Z")
> [@carag73](#): > > … One of the things that was a pain in the butt is I cannot find reasonable pricing for some of the big websites. … Oh, yeah… on Match, you have to create a “temporary” profile in order to get to the pricing page, so you’ll see what kind of questions they ask and what kind of potential matches they might find for you. They don’t mention that it’s not “temporary,” it’s an actual, real live profile that they’re going to keep presenting to people so you start getting a ton of email from them with all the people who have looked at it, even if you don’t sign up, probably to inspire you to sign up… $30 a month for 3 months, by the way, less per month if you pay for more months all at once. Craigslist is “free” but what you get for free isn’t much; if you really want to use it, it’s worth paying the (surprise!) $30 a month for 3 months, less per month if you pay for more months all at once… ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/24 "2018-09-26T01:54:57Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > I say, do online dating if online dating ITSELF is what you like. And that if you don’t actually like online dating in itself for itself, then quit it, and go do something you really like to do. Because SOME other people also like to do the same things you do, and that’s where you’re going to find them. The other term for online dating is “dating.” The online part is just a way to meet someone to get that first date. Nothing else is really any different. So the question is if you are going to like putting yourself out there to be rejected. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/25 "2018-09-26T02:22:44Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > There seems to be a higher percentage of highly educated and financially well off women on Bumble than other sites. That’s just my perception and there may be regional and age range differences. > > I also found a much higher percentage of tall women. 🙂 Interesting. Yes, being educated is a good trait for a partner, I find. But that might be subjective. I’ve never considered a job or income to be of any significance in choosing a partner, but maybe I’m the crazy one. What is success? To me, it’s being comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/26 "2018-09-26T02:43:41Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Craigslist is “free” but what you get for free isn’t much… No. Craigslist removed the Personals section in March. > [@](#): > > US Congress just passed HR 1865, “FOSTA”, seeking to subject websites to criminal and civil liability when third parties (users) misuse online personals unlawfully. > > Any tool or service can be misused. We can’t take such risk without jeopardizing all our other services, so we are regretfully taking craigslist personals offline. Hopefully we can bring them back some day. > > To the millions of spouses, partners, and couples who met through craigslist, we wish you every happiness! [https://www.craigslist.org/about/FOSTA](https://www.craigslist.org/about/FOSTA) ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/27 "2018-09-26T03:20:22Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > 🙂 Interesting. Yes, being educated is a good trait for a partner, I find. But that might be subjective. I’ve never considered a job or income to be of any significance in choosing a partner, but maybe I’m the crazy one. > > What is success? To me, it’s being comfortable. Someone with zero income and zero prospect for any income has little hope of being comfortable though, right? ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/28 "2018-09-26T03:26:07Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > The other term for online dating is “dating.” The online part is just a way to meet someone to get that first date. Nothing else is really any different. So the question is if you are going to like putting yourself out there to be rejected. Sure it’s different. If you like or dislike the literal activity of sitting looking at the screen trying to find dates, that matters. If you’re the type who tends to dislike computers and mostly stays away from them, I think online dating sites are not for you. When you like what you’re doing, and when you don’t, people notice. ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/29 "2018-09-26T03:42:55Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > if the whole reason you’re doing it is to find somebody, isn’t it deceptive to pretend that’s not the goal? > > (I ask partly because I like to argue on the internet 😃 and partly because, where relationships are concerned, I have a personal problem with being anything but completely upfront about bad things about myself. Which is one reason I’ll never try online dating…or offline dating.) I don’t agree. Happiness comes from doing the things that are right for you to be doing at that time, and from being in the places that are right for you to be in at that time, not from diligently searching for happiness, right? I think finding someone works similarly. You can’t just walk into a room full of people and say “Hey! You! Come with me, please.” Well, technically you COULD do that… 😃 Being upfront about looking for someone is not the same as treating all situations the same and giving the same answer to every question. And being upfront about bad things about yourself can be what I might call “false honesty”, giving unwanted unsolicited information that it would have been better (not just socially better, but kinder and actually more truthful) to omit saying. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/30 "2018-09-26T13:45:39Z")
I feel like online dating has been acceptable since Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks starred in a little film 20 years ago about two owners of soon to be defunct businesses catfishing each other over a soon to be defunct social media platform. > [@DavidwithanR](#): > > I don’t agree. Happiness comes from doing the things that are right for you to be doing at that time, and from being in the places that are right for you to be in at that time, not from diligently searching for happiness, right? I think finding someone works similarly. You can’t just walk into a room full of people and say “Hey! You! Come with me, please.” > > Well, technically you COULD do that… 😃 Sure, if you’re Dikembe Mutombo. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/31 "2018-09-26T15:52:41Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Not highly successful at finding partners. Or do you mean rich? Or do you mean has a good job? Mostly attractive and rich which is what I was going for for a long time. I put a lot of work into my profile and probably went out with around 200 women over the years mostly from Bumble and Match plus a few from OKCupid. POF is great if you are unemployed, overweight and live in a trailer park. I went out with doctors, lawyers, CEO’s, dentists and lots of others from Bumble but I was just doing it for fun and wasn’t worried if any individual one didn’t work out. I wasn’t even interested in finding a long-term partner. Then, I went out with an Episcopal priest that contacted me on [Match.com](http://Match.com) of all people and we just clicked instantly. Eight months later, we have been on vacation multiple times and never even had an argument. The sex is amazing. It doesn’t take any effort at all to maintain the relationship because we have excellent natural chemistry. I think I could have made it work with lots of the others but chemistry is really important and that is like buying enough lottery tickets until you win a large prize. The only ways to do it are to be extremely lucky (unlikely) or to go out with enough people to find your real match. One concrete tip that I can give you is that most guys have no idea how to write a profile that appeals to women. Match has a service where female dating specialists review and rewrite your dating profile for you to attract more women. I can promise you that it works quite well and it isn’t that expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/32 "2018-09-26T17:43:31Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > You can’t just walk into a room full of people and say “Hey! You! Come with me, please.” > [@msmith537](#): > > Sure, if you’re Dikembe Mutombo. In his semi-autobiography, David Ortiz mentions walking up to a woman at a party and saying something like “Do you have a boyfriend? Well, you’ve got one now.” Apparently this approach worked (they eventually got married). ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2018, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/33 "2018-09-26T17:49:27Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > I don’t agree. Happiness comes from doing the things that are right for you to be doing at that time, and from being in the places that are right for you to be in at that time, not from diligently searching for happiness, right? I think finding someone works similarly. You can’t just walk into a room full of people and say “Hey! You! Come with me, please.” > > Well, technically you COULD do that… 😃 But the suggestion was to change your activities to ones where you could increase your chance of meeting people - the image I got was how you hear of college guys taking dance classes specifically because they know that the class will be 95% girls. Of course, if you then find you actually like dancing and just keep it up because it’s fun that’s different, but if you’re doing something you don’t enjoy just to nab the ladies there that seems deceptive to me. > [@DavidwithanR](#): > > Being upfront about looking for someone is not the same as treating all situations the same and giving the same answer to every question. And being upfront about bad things about yourself can be what I might call “false honesty”, giving unwanted unsolicited information that it would have been better (not just socially better, but kinder and actually more truthful) to omit saying. I don’t really ‘get’ what you mean by false honesty. I mean taking proactive steps to make sure I’m not presenting a false image of myself. And since I’m just this giant rolled-up ball of quirks and faults, if I don’t lay at least some of them out early then everybody’s going to be wasting their time. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2018, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/34 "2018-09-27T01:03:42Z")
I’m sure online dating is fine but if the Oxygen channel is any indication, it’s a good way to end up with duct tape on your wrists and ankles. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2018, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/35 "2018-09-27T07:34:23Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > Someone with zero income and zero prospect for any income has little hope of being comfortable though, right? Reductio ad absurdum. No-one talked about having zero income and zero prospects. Just that income isn’t a significant factor to everyone in choosing a partner. Personally, I’ve lived my life in serial monogamy mostly with women who have low income, due to personal choice. Other things are just massively more important, to them and to me. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2018, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/36 "2018-09-27T16:02:38Z")
1. I had better luck on pay sites than free sites, and the worst luck on sites that are free for basic features like looking at profiles, but make you pay to do anything useful (like actually contact someone) 2. Sunday evenings were the best time to contact people and actually get a reply or a conversation started. 3. I am currently not in a relationship with anyone I met from online dating sites, but do have dozens of friends I talk with regularly and a handful of people I consider close friends that I met through online dating. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2018, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/37 "2018-09-27T23:22:04Z")
> [@Toxylon](#): > > Reductio ad absurdum. No-one talked about having zero income and zero prospects. Just that income isn’t a significant factor to everyone in choosing a partner. Personally, I’ve lived my life in serial monogamy mostly with women who have low income, due to personal choice. Other things are just massively more important, to them and to me. Income level isn’t as important as stability. At any income level you can have drama and chaos. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2018, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/38 "2018-09-27T23:27:12Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > Sure it’s different. If you like or dislike the literal activity of sitting looking at the screen trying to find dates, that matters. If you’re the type who tends to dislike computers and mostly stays away from them, I think online dating sites are not for you. When you like what you’re doing, and when you don’t, people notice. It’s a tool. I guess you can enjoy using a tool but it’s not the end product. For me it’s pretty much the only chance I’ll have to meet someone. I’m not young and go out in groups and meet other people. The friends I have are wrapped up in their own lives. I’m not going to go out and pick up someone at a bar. So no I don’t like the physical act of trying to get a first date online. Who does? But I do like being in a relationship and it’s between that and hoping for a miracle. ---
**Author:** ![split\_p\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19b73/32.png) [@split\_p\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/split_p_j)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2018, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/39 "2018-09-29T00:18:58Z")
I still think Craigslist was the best, true there was a lot of B.S. to wade through, but it was easy to do that. I’m on Match now and I like the way it works. I think you’ll definitely find someone on there if you fill out your profile and have a picture. That is really the big difference in my mind from Craigslist. I’ve found that you have to post a pic of yourself on Match, where on the 'list you could just respond to an ad and just start talking. Pictures would come later. I think that Craigslist reminded me of the old AOL chat forums from around '98- early '00’s, before you could send pictures, but sending emails instead. Back to your question, I’d give Match a shot. ---
**Author:** ![Textual\_Innuendo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Textual\_Innuendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Textual_Innuendo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2018, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890/40 "2018-09-29T20:18:26Z")
> [@split\_p\_j](#): > > I still think Craigslist was the best, true there was a lot of B.S. to wade through, but it was easy to do that. Amen! I’m still pissed that the puritanical kleptocrats running this country shut it down under such flimsy pretenses. There was no better place for weirdos, or anyone off the beaten path, to find dates and partners. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-single-and-alone-and-thinking-about-starting-online-dating-advice-or-websites-you-recommend/821890.md?page=3)