# I'm so fucking lonely **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 18, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511 "2003-01-18T19:14:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/21 "2003-01-18T22:34:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by truthbot \* > \*\*C’mon, **Blalron** , there’s tons of girls here in Oregon! Heavy ones, thin ones, conservatives and tree-huggers. A big pool to choose from. By excluding yourself to the thin, popular ones; you are missing out. You must be in a school setting, because ‘popularity’ doesn’t mean squat when you’re out of high school. \*\* Sounds like you talking about Armor Hotdogs, and are you sure about that _popularity statement?_ ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/22 "2003-01-18T22:40:41Z")
In addition to **samarm’s** advice, I would add: 1. Don’t ask girls “out”, ask them to do a specific thing at a specific time. This is much less pressure and allows them to ge to know you better before you put it all on the line: accept me or reject me completely right now! Hurry up and make up your mind! 2. Don’t worry about what “girls” want or what “girls” are like: don’t try and figure “girls” out. Girls vary alot (as do boys!), and you should spend time trying to figure out what a specific girl wants, what a specific girl is like. 3. Practice talking to people that you don’t want to go out with. This makes you more comfortable when talking to people you do want to go out with. 4. Learn to like yourself. 5. Be honest-to-god intersted in a person, in who they are. When they are talking about themselves and their hopes and dreams and likes and dislikes, **listen** , son’t spend that time wondering what they are thinking about you, if they will go out with you, what you should say ,what you should do. Listen to the words coming out of their mouth. 6. It’s ok to admit to someone you are interested in them. The most sucessful attitude is one where you can freely admit that you are interested in someone, but where it is clear that if they are not interested back, it isn’t the end of the world–it saddens you, but you are happy enough in yourself that you aren’t crushed. 7. This is more in the nature of a “tip”–for a lot of people (but not all–pay attention to individuals!), public compliments mean alot. But they have to be sincere and not superficial. If you are interested in a girl and you want her to know and you want her to also admire you, a good first step is to tell her what you like about her when it is appropriate–if you love her artisitc ability, tap the design she has doodled on her notebook ans say “that’s so cool!”. If you admire the way she gets along with everybody, say in class “I want to be in XXX’s group, she always makes sure that everyone gets along”. Do NOT compliment her by insulting yourself–don’t say about her art “That’s so cool, I wish I could do that, I suck at art.” If you can’t think of anything to compliment, you aren’t really interested in **her** , you just want a girlfriend. 8. When talking to anyone, make she you say “you” more than you say “I”. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/23 "2003-01-18T22:40:50Z")
Blalron you seem to have a pre-determined image in your mind of what you ideal girlfriend will look like. That’s not going to work, IMO. Don’t try to quantify things like looks vs personality vs weight. By the way if you skipped over Sam Stone’s post then go back and read it carefully. Good advice there, put better than I could have done. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/24 "2003-01-18T22:43:22Z")
Good tips, **Manda.** ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/25 "2003-01-18T22:45:33Z")
Ryan, I’m not sure what you mean. In all my adult years, I have never turned down a date because he ‘‘wasn’t popular’’. Popularity, it would seem to me, would be a factor for younger people still in a high-school setting. Not for adults. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/26 "2003-01-18T22:54:31Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s like your psychic or something. You’ve described how I feel perfectly. Now look around your classroom. All those kids sitting around you feel the same way. > [@](#): > > I’m sure there’d be some improvement, anything would have to be better then my current state of affairs. No! It’d be worse, 'cause you’d be worried about losing her, and she’d be worried about losing you, and in your worry you’d do stupid things and say stupid things and stress–oh god, the stress–and you’d still be basically unhappy because yeah, she’d give you the hugs you want, but not enough hugs and you’d horry if oyu were hugging back right and if she really meant it when she hugged back and was that last hug different from her usual hug and does that mean she’s changing her mind about you? **Or** , You know that big huge lump of emotion you’ve got sitting in your chest? You dump all that on a girl and and suddenly she’ll be the one who has to deal with all your insecurities and worries nad feelings on inadequacy. Why would you want to do that to a nice girl? > [@](#): > > What makes me attracted to someone is two things, looks and personality. Those two things are linked, and a lot of one thing could make up for a lack of another. If a girl has a spectacular personality her weight wouldn’t have much of an impact (within reason, of course). Actually, the comment about her being unpopular bothered me a lot more than the comment about your weight. It suggests to me tht you are still young enough that you are as infatuated with the idea of having a girlfriend to show off to your buddies as you are interested in any girl for her own sake. It suggests that you have little daydreams about going out with your buddies with a beautiful ,popualr girl on oyur arm and having all your buddies look at you in admiration. It suggests that you have nightmares about having the wrong sort of girlfriend and having yu buddies whisper “Can you believe that **Blalron** weant out with _her_? Huh-huh-huh.” No one is ready to be in a relationship until they have outgrown that. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/27 "2003-01-18T23:04:02Z")
Well said Manda, looks like I’ve got a lot of growing up to do then! ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/28 "2003-01-19T01:26:02Z")
Don’t worry, **Blalron** , it’ll get better for you as you grow up both chronologically and emotionally. I know that’s not much help to you right now, but take it from people with experience, it doesn’t stay like this forever. You may not realize it, but being in a less-than-fulfilling relationship is worse than not being in a relationship at all. And a less-than-fulfilling relationship is what you’ll get yourself into if you don’t lose the desperate attitude. I used to be lonely like you, but I learned to appreciate myself and my solitude. I used to get trapped in relationships that weren’t good for me because I was afraid of being alone. Now I’m tough as fucking nails. I can find a girlfriend if I want to, or I can stay single and enjoy the good things about being single, and it’s all my decision. Nobody owns me, and I’m not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Listen to **Manda Jo** , for she speaks words of wisdom. ---
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/29 "2003-01-19T02:22:48Z")
We should all listen closely to Manda JO. What she is saying applies to all of us…any age, any gender, any talents or attributes we may or not have. Manda JO, you are a wizard! ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/30 "2003-01-19T02:36:53Z")
One more very lonely heart checking in, I guess Saturday night **is** the loneliest night of the week. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/31 "2003-01-19T02:38:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Icerigger \* > \*\*One more very lonely heart checking in, I guess Saturday night **is** the loneliest night of the week. \*\* Not like the others don’t suck too. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/32 "2003-01-19T03:56:23Z")
> [@](#): > > And I have turned a girl down because I wasn’t attracted to her. She was kind of overweight and unpopular, but I think it’s proof I won’t just take anything with a vagina. Really hate to kick a guy when he’s obviously down, but man, it just sounds like proof your shallow. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/33 "2003-01-19T03:57:31Z")
“you’re” of course Proof I don’t preview! ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/34 "2003-01-19T05:12:46Z")
My advice? Quit looking for a girlfriend. Really! Go out and have a good time. Meet people, socialize, enjoy life. Enlarge your horizons. DON"T TRY TOO HARD TO FIND A GIRL!! When you meet a female, don’t scare her off by asking her for a date right off the bat. Relax, let her get to know you. Talk with her. Listen to what she says (I mean this!! People notice when you actually listen), and let the conversation move natually. If the women you meet first aren’t interested in you romantically? Well, you may still make a new friend out of it. Hell, I’ve had women set me up before with someone they thought was perfect for me. Yes, they were usually wrong… but not always. 🙂 I’m not going to tell you not to set you’re sights too high, you can’t… but don’t ignore the plain looking girl in the corner either. Maybe she’s not a cheerleader type, but she may be the perfect woman for you. Looks are superficial, if you look a little deeper, you can see the beauty in almost anyone. And conversely, a Britney lookalike can be… well…ugly underneath. Looks tell you nothing of the _real_ person. (Ok, anyone I offended can flame me now. I tried not to… but I always seem to step in it when I type too much…) ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/35 "2003-01-19T05:17:24Z")
Jeeze!! Your not you’re in the last paragraph!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/36 "2003-01-19T05:44:41Z")
Yeah… “She” is frustrated because she has to move. She comes over here for comfort. She cries…I hold her. She is sore…I give her a back massage. She is hungery and tired…I make her dinner. She is alone…I talk to her. She is sad…she comes over here and that makes her happy. She wants to go to sleep…she crashes on my couch with some guy she’s known for 30 minutes…😕 I tried… ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/37 "2003-01-19T06:13:18Z")
If I were you, I would just relax a little. My current beau hadn’t dated anyone for years when we started going out. I basically had to bash him over the head and drag him back to my cave for him to get the message. Chill a little - there could be a nifty cave woman lusting after you right now - just give her a chance to grab her club. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Berkut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/38 "2003-01-19T06:15:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\*I basically had to bash him over the head and drag him back to my cave for him to get the message. \*\* Whoa! What does a guy have to do to have a redhead drag him back to her cave? ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/39 "2003-01-19T06:21:52Z")
How can you edit your own post, Joey? I thought only mods could do that? ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2003, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511/40 "2003-01-19T06:35:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by samarm \* > \*\*How can you edit your own post, Joey? I thought only mods could do that? \*\* It’s a sig. And one I wish I’d thought of first! 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-fucking-lonely/149511.md?page=3)