# I'm so mad at my husband!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 18, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970 "2005-07-18T13:38:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lillith\_Fair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lillith\_Fair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lillith_Fair)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/1 "2005-07-18T13:38:44Z")
First of all, I went on a bike ride with him on Saturday for 2 hours. That’s 2 hours on the bike (tandem), not including the stops, one of which was at the bike store to get some stuff for my handlebars which he has been saying he has going to fix for AT LEAST A DECADE since we’ve had the bike for something like 23 years. Then he goes on a bike ride on Sunday. He also tapes every minute of the Tour de France coverage and watches it over and over. So I wanted to go to a movie on Sunday and he didn’t feel like it. So then I go upstairs to get some clothes out of the closet that had some unusual marks I needed to figure out. Marks on the inside of the dryer and marks on the clothes. I examined all of them and found A PEN IN HIS POCKET! That shirt is ruined, I’m sure. I went online and found a product, but by this time it is 6:00 p.m. on Sunday–I’m not going to be able to buy this product anywhere. Besides, how am I going to get all the ink out? It is just going to spread it around. I have already gotten it on top of the washer and it won’t come off. (It comes out of the clothes if I use alcohol, but how much alcohol will I have to use?) I always check through all the pockets but obviously missed this one. I was so furious I almost went walkabout! I almost packed a bag and left! I was angry way out of proportion to the situation (a pen in his pocket), I think because he always has time to do anything related to a bicycle or a kayak or a canoe, but if it’s something I want to do, well then forget it! Then he had the nerve to ask me what was for dinner. MAKE IT YOURSELF, YOU IDIOT!!! Not to mention walking all over San Francisco last week looking for just the right place to eat. Because, as you know, there is always a better restaurant just around the corner and we might miss it if we eat at this one. Can we do some research and plan one and even [GASP!!!] take a cab to get there? NONONONONONONONONONONONO. You must hoof it up and down the hills looking for the PERFECT place to eat, which can’t be Italian because for some reason he doesn’t like to eat at Italian restaurants. DAMN FREAK!!! AND I’VE STILL GOT TO CLEAN THE INK OUT OF THE CLOTHES, some of which are NEW, which he would wear anyway, because HE’S A FREAK!!! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/2 "2005-07-18T13:42:20Z")
Uh, Hey - have you seen my pen? I think I left it in my shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Pedro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pedro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pedro)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/3 "2005-07-18T14:01:13Z")
Is the OP a joke? Are you crazy? Do you have really nice tits? Does your husband put up with this shit? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/4 "2005-07-18T14:01:29Z")
> [@Lillith Fair](#): > > DAMN FREAK!!! AND I’VE STILL GOT TO CLEAN THE INK OUT OF THE CLOTHES, some of which are NEW, which he would wear anyway, because HE’S A FREAK!!! > > :mad: Let him. I feel ya on the Tour-watching thing. I will never again get seriously involved with a sports fan. My first husband cured me of that! He cured me of ever willingly hearing the Beach Boys again, as well, but that’s another story. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/5 "2005-07-18T14:14:28Z")
If you’re in Ohio, and you go walkabout, does that actually accomplish anything? All you’re going to see is more of Ohio. Doesn’t sound like much of a solution to me. Come down to Alabama if you’re gonna go walkabout. That way, you can see some red clay, some kudzu, and a few pickup trucks and SUVs in the 15 minutes you’re walkabout before you pass out from the heat and humidity. And to actually respond to the OP: Forget decaf. Quit drinking anything even remotely coffee-related. You need to take a deep breath and relax. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/6 "2005-07-18T14:20:06Z")
My God, the man left a PEN IN HIS POCKET!!! He forgets things sometimes! The hell with divorce. Go straight to execution!! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/7 "2005-07-18T14:25:40Z")
The OP did say she realized her anger was out of proportion to the situation. She just let a lot of little things pile up until she was incredibly frustrated, then posted here to let off steam instead of ripping his head off. I’d have done it in MPSIMS myself, but that’s because I’m a weenie. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/8 "2005-07-18T14:29:41Z")
C’mon: the ink/pen stuff isn’t the point. That’s just the ‘highest point’ that the lightning of her wrath struck. The real problem is that attitude her husband has, that he’s only going to do activities that HE enjoys. If you’re a couple, it should work both ways – sometimes SHE spends time bike riding because he likes that, sometimes HE should spend time at a movie that she has chosen. Fair’s fair. Lilith, sit your husband down and make him negotiate about this. Nail it down, if he’s a slippery sort. For every evening spent at an activity of HIS choice, there’s a evening at an activity of YOUR choice. And don’t let him get away with: an evening of both of us doing MY choice and then YOU can do your activity solo. The point is for both of you AS A COUPLE to spend time together, and not just him saying in essence ‘If you want to spend time with me, it has to be on MY terms ALL THE TIME.’ (But let the guy watch the race: it’s not like you have to watch that, right? Go and take a bubble bath with bonbons and a sexy novel during that time.) ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/9 "2005-07-18T14:36:56Z")
My son used to do the pen in the pocket thing a lot. It’s not worth divorcing over, but when an entire load of clothes is ruined and you have to figure out how to get the ink off the drum, it can be expensive and pretty damn annoying. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/10 "2005-07-18T14:51:33Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > My son used to do the pen in the pocket thing a lot. It’s not worth divorcing over You married your son? Eeeew. Any children fom this strange union? 😉 As far as the OP is concerned, let _him_ clean up the ink mess. If he chooses not to, then it is _your_ choice if you do it yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/11 "2005-07-18T15:11:16Z")
> [@Lillith Fair](#): > > but how much alcohol will I have to use? Well, obviously you need to use enough alcohol to make yourself calm & happy so that things like his pen habits don’t bother you. I suggest starting with a nice cold beer, and continuing with them until the suggestion of ink on clothing simply makes you laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/12 "2005-07-18T15:48:12Z")
> [@vetbridge](#): > > You married your son? Eeeew. Any children fom this strange union? 😉 > > As far as the OP is concerned, let _him_ clean up the ink mess. If he chooses not to, then it is _your_ choice if you do it yourself. Heh-heh. I re-read that and noticed that I should have started a new paragraph. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/13 "2005-07-18T15:57:08Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > Lilith,\*\* sit your husband down and make him \*\* negotiate about this. Nail it down, if he’s a slippery sort. For every evening spent at an activity of HIS choice, there’s a evening at an activity of YOUR choice. > > And **don’t let him get away with:** an evening of both of us doing MY choice and then YOU can do your activity solo. The point is for both of you AS A COUPLE to spend time together, and not just him saying in essence ‘If you want to spend time with me, it has to be on MY terms ALL THE TIME.’ (emphasis mine) Ah, compromise. **Vetbridge,** I feel your pain. Now, you’re mad at him because he was tired from biking and didn’t want to do what YOU wanted to do. Now, you’re mad at him because you missed something in one of YOUR household tasks. Now, you’re mad at him for an incidence of a quirk (that he’s apparently had forever) that occurred LAST WEEK. I say you shoot the bastard. He’s obviously had free will for too long and is beyond saving. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/14 "2005-07-18T16:27:50Z")
**Dung Beetle** has it right. **Lilith** is venting, that’s all. It’s one of those days where every little thing is piling up on top of each other. I imagine the pen was the last straw. I’ve wanted to disembowel my son for leaving a half inch of milk in the bottom of the carton before; I can relate. When you live in close quarters with someone for a long time, some of those little habits that you tell yourself you can live with tend to build up on you, til you want to squeeze his neck til his head pops if he squeezes the damn toothpaste tube in the center one more time. Doesn’t mean you don’t love him or that you want a divorce because of it. But when that person does something they know damn well annoys you over and over and over, it gets old. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/15 "2005-07-18T16:28:46Z")
> [@Lillith Fair](#): > > You must hoof it up and down the hills looking for the PERFECT place to eat, which can’t be Italian because for some reason he doesn’t like to eat at Italian restaurants. I hope you weren’t in North Beach. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/16 "2005-07-18T16:34:22Z")
Yup marriages and relationships can certainly be frustrating… especially if you depend only on him for going out and having fun. My suggestion: Go out more with your own friends. Instead of being bothered by his bike riding… go to the movies with your pals. Have a life of your own once in a while… so that you might even miss your hubby. Now relax… take it easy… stupid husband doesn’t deserve this much anger… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/17 "2005-07-18T16:56:53Z")
Can’t he clean his own shirt? And can’t you put your foot down? “We’re _not_ going to keep looking for a restaurant. We’re eating at his one, that’s final. I am sick of all this walking.” ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/18 "2005-07-18T16:57:26Z")
I’m sorry…because she wants to spend more time with her husband, that means she has no friends and no outside activity? Could you explain that one to me? I must have missed something. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/19 "2005-07-18T17:38:23Z")
My question to you, while blunt, is posted with good intentions. Why on earth haven’t you spoken to him about your frustrations with his behaviors before? You’ve been married how long? It’s not too late, but it’s going to take a lot more finesse now. Talk to him, tell him you feel he’s not considering your feelings, that he’s not valueing you. (Probably not that bluntly, but that meaning.) Leave out the little petty things, and get straight to the heart of this issue. You probably should have a mediator of some sort around, just to keep the tensions low. Make sure he doesn’t feel as if you’re pileing on him too. He probably has no idea he’s making you feel like this, so it’s going to be a blindside. Knowing that, take precautions to ensure that you both can reach a place that both of you are comfortable at, take care not to make it too harsh, it will be a shock as it is. As another poster above mentioned, get an agreement laid out, that he will do things with you, even if it’s not his interest etc. Good luck, I hope you both find an amenable solution to this. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970/20 "2005-07-18T18:11:55Z")
Hairspray, the cheaper the better, gets ink out of clothes wonderfully. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-mad-at-my-husband/312970.md?page=2)