# "I'm so rich that I... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 24, 2015, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409 "2015-04-24T02:40:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/1 "2015-04-24T02:40:44Z")
…have gold-leaf toilet paper. That’s right. I wipe my ass with _gold_." ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/2 "2015-04-24T02:50:14Z")
…can order _anything I want_. At Taco Bell. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/3 "2015-04-24T02:50:16Z")
You wipe your own ass? How gauche! That’s what my body servant is for. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/4 "2015-04-24T03:21:17Z")
You guys still poop? I’m so rich I have all the unnecessary parts removed from my food before I eat it so I have no need to poop. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/5 "2015-04-24T03:26:39Z")
"I’m so rich that I… Don’t need the library anymore - I bought my own book! ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/6 "2015-04-24T12:48:45Z")
Wear my underwear and socks once and then throw them out. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/7 "2015-04-24T13:00:05Z")
Throw away unopened pistachios ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/8 "2015-04-24T13:37:00Z")
…don’t own a television. When I want to watch an episode of a show, I just have the actors come to my house and perform it for me in my living room. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/9 "2015-04-24T13:38:45Z")
I have a flock of geese trained to wipe my ass with their necks! ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/10 "2015-04-24T13:56:52Z")
…I wish I had a nickel for every nickel I have. ---
**Author:** ![dasmoocher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@dasmoocher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dasmoocher)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/11 "2015-04-24T13:58:50Z")
I’m Rich, but my friends call me Wealthy. [rimshot] ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/12 "2015-04-24T14:12:56Z")
[I’m so rich, my servant’s servant parks his boat in his boat.](http://i.imgur.com/61oN7O7.jpg) You should see \*my \*boat. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/13 "2015-04-24T14:39:50Z")
The gas tank was almost empty, so I threw the car away and got a new one. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/14 "2015-04-24T16:09:38Z")
I’m so rich that I can afford that $300 juicer instead of just a $250 one. ---
**Author:** ![Fiddle\_Peghead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddle_peghead/32/3506_2.png) [@Fiddle\_Peghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiddle_Peghead)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/15 "2015-04-24T16:17:54Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Wear my underwear and socks once and then throw them out. [Jerry?](http://www.neatorama.com/2011/09/02/11-facts-you-may-not-know-about-jerry-lewis/) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/16 "2015-04-24T16:31:31Z")
…give other people heartburn. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/17 "2015-04-24T16:54:05Z")
I’m so rich that I bought another planet for when this one is used up. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/18 "2015-04-24T17:16:55Z")
I’m so rich, it actually makes sense for me to be a republican. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/19 "2015-04-24T17:28:41Z")
…bought buy one get 2 free pants at Target And only took home the one ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409/20 "2015-04-24T17:30:49Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > I’m so rich that I can afford that $300 juicer instead of just a $250 one. I’m so rich I didn’t see why I needed to make choice between them so I bought both. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-rich-that-i/718409.md?page=2)