# I'm so screwed (and not literally) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 2003, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048 "2003-09-07T05:07:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/61 "2003-09-09T18:57:13Z")
> [@](#): > > The $20 is for you, MONKEY, though I wouldn’t wait by the mailbox for it. UNCLEBEER gets more, because he’s a moderator and because he’s known me longer and therefore sensibly has raised his rates. In which case, your payment is late. Per our contract: § IX, paragraph D, clause 3.2(a) _all funds are due, in U.S. dollars, and to be received not later than the 5th of each month._ ---
**Author:** ![SuperNova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SuperNova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperNova)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/62 "2003-09-09T19:41:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Plankspanker \* > \*\*oh, and btw, trust me, having lost my virginity to a virgin, it’s no fun at all… \*\* Well, it’s fun… it’s just kind of awkward and… quick. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/63 "2003-09-09T21:26:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SuperNova \* > \*\*Well, it’s fun… it’s just kind of awkward and… quick. :rolleyes: \*\* So it’s only quick if it’s with another virgin. I’m pretty sure there is the same chance of me “blowing it” my first time whether I’m with a fellow virgin or not. Here’s to hoping I won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/64 "2003-09-09T21:28:13Z")
There’s supposed to be a question mark after the first sentence up there. Why can’t I edit my own posts? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/65 "2003-09-09T21:32:32Z")
UNCLEBEER – While I do not dispute that your actions fall under the contract for Acts of Apparent Friendliness (see Exhibit A, “Specific Acts Covered By This Agreement”, Item 24 ( “Existence, Acknowledgement of”)), you will see that the terms of the contract _clearly_ provide for payment _after_ services are rendered. Therefore, I have until the 5th of _October_ to remit payment, as obviously I cannot pay you on the 5th of September for an act not done until the 8th. [sub]You’re not dealing with some novice friend-payer, y’know. I’ve been purchasing apparent friendship for years, and I’m not falling into that ‘pay me first’ trap again, no sir.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/66 "2003-09-09T23:12:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Soapbox Monkey \* > \*\*So it’s only quick if it’s with another virgin. I’m pretty sure there is the same chance of me “blowing it” my first time whether I’m with a fellow virgin or not. > > Here’s to hoping I won’t. \*\* Actually, here’s to hoping you _do_, and what’s more, here’s hoping you do it on purpose. See, you’re young. When us guys are young, we get hard again really quick. An eighteen-year-old can climax and be ready to go again in ten or fifteen minutes tops, most of the time. (I’m in my mid-thirties, and I’m up to twenty minutes. I expect it to fall off quickly from here on out. Um, the _time_ to fall off. Not my… never mind.) So _take advantage_ of this. If you can connect with the understanding and experienced woman I described in my first post above, tell her you want to go for the “first” climax quickly, with a handjob or blowjob or whatever. If she knows what she’s doing, she will smile when you say “first.” And then, when that one’s done, _keep playing, because you ain’t finished._ The next erection will last quite a bit longer. ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/67 "2003-09-09T23:34:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Soapbox Monkey \* > \*\*So it’s only quick if it’s with another virgin. I’m pretty sure there is the same chance of me “blowing it” my first time whether I’m with a fellow virgin or not. > > Here’s to hoping I won’t. \*\* Hey, look at it this way, if things go well, someones gonna blow something anyways, so don’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/68 "2003-09-10T01:06:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Soapbox Monkey \* > \*\*So it’s only quick if it’s with another virgin. I’m pretty sure there is the same chance of me “blowing it” my first time whether I’m with a fellow virgin or not. > > Here’s to hoping I won’t. \*\* Well contrary to what I was told not all virgins do. Both the guys I have slept with were virgins, and while the first was the stereotypical quick experience. With my now-boyfriend had I not been (and still am) friends with his ex, I wouldn’t have known he was a virgin. (Well obviously I would, as he’d have told me, but you get the idea). So there’s hope for you yet! ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/69 "2003-09-10T03:34:40Z")
**Soapbox** , my first boyfriend and I lost our virginity with each other. We were in love, had been going out a long time, and felt safe with each other. And, one day, we decided to take the big step and “just do it.” Now, with all that description, you’d think that it would’ve been some magical experience, worthy of a fairly tale. Hah! First of all, it took us at least twenty minutes to figure out HOW to have sex exactly, and it’s not as though he’d never watched porn or anything (exact quote: “How the hell did our parents HAVE us?!”). Also, he didn’t know how to put the freakin’ condom on, which meant it broke (that was the funnest week of my life…). Also, I hurt like heck–it wasn’t a good experience, and I don’t know that we ever completely broke the hymen, because my first time with my fiance (the only other guy I’ve ever slept with) it still hurt until something ripped. We had no idea what we were doing, and it was boring as hell. It wasn’t very good sex. Now, I’m not saying that I wish I hadn’t had sex with him; it was the right person at the right time. But there is DEFINATELY something to be said for experience. And, btw, I can be plenty insecure and jealous. I wasn’t my fiance’s first. I’ve met several of the girls he’s “known” (well, three of the five). But, point is, he’s with ME now. The past only matters because it gave him more tricks. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/70 "2003-09-10T05:30:13Z")
“Tricks,” of course, in this context, meaning “techniques.” Just to be clear. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Plankspanker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Plankspanker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plankspanker)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/71 "2003-09-10T13:01:31Z")
**Soapbox** , i’ll tell ya, the more you worry about it, the more likely you are to have the opposite problem to ‘blowing it’. yes, the 2 are linked! so just have a serious chill. everyone has ideals, especially for their first time, but they rarely happen. have these ideals if you want, but dont let them ruin your life… trust me on that one ---
**Author:** ![groo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecd19e/32.png) [@groo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/72 "2003-09-10T17:59:29Z")
Yah: this attitude has to go: > [@](#): > > **The thought of my SO in the throes of passion with another person would kill me mentally.** The good news: Sex is better with women who have some experience. Other good news: I went to a college that had a 8:1 ratio (when I started) and had improved to a 6:1 ratio (when I graduated). It involved a little more effort, but I had my fair share of woman. (Urrr … not a typo). ☹ **After** college, I seemed to catch up pretty quickly. ---
**Author:** ![HideoHo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ec8ea/32.png) [@HideoHo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HideoHo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048/73 "2003-09-10T20:44:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Soapbox Monkey \* > \*\*…because I worry that all the girls who are having sex are having GREAT sex, to which I could never compare. > > I worry about MY looks, and MY size. I’m almost 6 feet tall and im only 130 pounds, I know I’d feel much more comfortable being naked in front of a woman my first time if I know she’s never seen any other guy naked. And as for my…uhh…size…maybe friends exaggerate, but I’m not very comfortable in that department either. ☹ > > I worry about not being able to live up to a past lover. If I am the girl’s first, there’s nothing to live up to. \*\* Ok, so this is the real problem, not the fact that the girl would be used or anything like that, but that you are not confident in yourself at all. Want to get over that? The become confident. How do you do that? Well, there’s a few things you need to do, lets go over a few. First, accept yourself for who you are. If you don’t like something about yourself, personality wise, work to change it. Make yourself into the very best person you can possibly think of. If you really like yourself, then most everyone else will probably like you too. If they like you, then they’ll probably date you. This is the most important thing, though. Make an effort to make yourself someone YOU really like. Do you hate when people complain all the time? Make sure you don’t complain all the time then. Hate when people talk behind your back? Then don’t talk behind people’s backs. Do you think that people who can solve Rubik’s Cubes are awesome? Then [learn to solve them.](http://www.rubiks.com/cubesolution_new.html) While doing this, just get used to your own body. Wander around naked when you’re alone. Accept that it’s how you look - if you want to change things, look at what is realistic and do it, but mostly, just become comfortable with yourself. See, everyone looks kinda funny naked. However, if you’re comfortable with yourself nude, you look amazing to someone who’s actually seeing you that way. Whether you’re 20lbs underweight or 100 lbs overweight, if you’re comfortable with yourself, you’ll be ok. Also realize that if you’re to the point of getting naked with someone, they WANT to see you that way. They don’t want you hiding your body from their eyes. Finally, you have to think about how you see people. If your girlfriend had a big belly on her, or a scar, or two different sized boobs, would you instantly think “Bah, she’s beneath me because she’s not perfect?” Probably not. So why would this girlfriend think any different when she sees you? Why would she think about you any differently than you think about her? Confidence is important. If you like yourself, then you’ll be confident other people will too. If you’re confident that other people like you, then you’ll be confident that they’ll accept you, flaws an all. And then you can accept them, the same way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-screwed-and-not-literally/200048.md?page=3)