# I'm so upset I can't even think of a proper Pit title (ed: cheating ex and STD) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2012, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144 "2012-01-11T07:38:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/41 "2012-01-11T20:57:58Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > “Guy: And PS I have chlamydia. > Me: ?! Please tell me it’s not from some Vegas hooker” > > So what difference does it make if he got his chlamydia from paid sex or free sex? 😕 Who knows? But I think it’s OK for her to be extra-pissed about that if she wants. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/42 "2012-01-11T21:06:26Z")
The OP sounds very immature. I am curious how old she is. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/43 "2012-01-11T21:16:37Z")
Liars come in all shapes and sizes. I’m sorry for your pain (both the physical and the emotional). You are relatively lucky that it’s such a treatable STD. But make sure to get checked for HIV, too. I wouldn’t recommend trusting a single word he says anymore, but it sounds quite possible that he had condomless sex with the prosses (and that is so, so unsafe). I’m sorry you got exposed to this, nobody deserves that. But surely now, you’ve learned to never again let anyone bullshit you into skipping a condom. Nobody is allergic to all condoms, there’s always another material you can try. If you go to a doctor \*together \*and get tested \*together \*and tell the doctor you want them to share both your results with each other, that’s pretty much the only time I’d say it’s ok to skip them. (So probably not until marriage) Sorry again… ☹ Hopefully you can enjoy ice cream again, because you might need some in the near-future. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/44 "2012-01-11T21:20:31Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > I’m embarrassed to report that I bought his load of BS that he caught them by trying on jeans in a discount department store. I know someone who got crabs from trying on pants. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/45 "2012-01-11T21:22:25Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > But surely now, you’ve learned to never again let anyone bullshit you into skipping a condom. I read her OP as saying that \*she \*was allergic to condoms, not the guy, hence her TMI warning. Maybe she can clarify? ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/46 "2012-01-11T21:51:09Z")
I’m still a little confused. I’m not exactly sure why he’s a douchebag. Usually this board is all for promiscuous sex, including with hookers, and as far as I can tell, the guy didn’t cheat on her. When he found out about the disease, he did the responsible thing and told her. Also as far as I can tell, this early warning enabled her to avoid being infected herself, saving her god-knows how much torment. Also, he dumped her, which is what Dopers always advise someone to do when in a relationship they want out of. DTMFA and all that, right? **CitizenPained** is, well, pained, and I get that. We all wish she feels better, and I’m right there with ya. But…remind me why we don’t like this guy, again? Because as far as I can tell, it’s because **CitizenPained** is “one of us” and he isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/47 "2012-01-11T22:00:29Z")
C’mon Chessic. It’s like the song says; It’s only water In a stranger’s tear Looks are deceptive But distinctions are clear A foreign body And a foreign mind Never welcome In the land of the blind You may look like we do Talk like we do But you know how it is You’re not one of us Not one of us No you’re not one of us Not one of us Not one of us No you’re not one of us ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/48 "2012-01-11T22:06:26Z")
“Promiscuous sex” is such a loaded term - I would say Dopers are in favour of having sex, as much as you and your partner(s) want to, but we’re also very much in favour of safe sex. Unprotected sex with prostitutes is about as far from safe sex as you can get. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/49 "2012-01-11T23:59:17Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I’m still a little confused. I’m not exactly sure why he’s a douchebag. Usually this board is all for promiscuous sex, including with hookers, and as far as I can tell, the guy didn’t cheat on her. When he found out about the disease, he did the responsible thing and told her. From my reading of the OP, he claimed he only had one one-night stand, a year ago, between their last relationship and when they started up again, and that he’d tested clean for STDs in the meantime. She’s coming off a year’s abstinence and decides that sounds safe to her, so she sleeps with him without condoms. He decides to dump her by essentially saying, “I don’t want a relationship with you now - and oh, by the way, I got chlamydia from some hooker, so god knows what else I gave you.” Now she’s got to wait for her other STD results to come back, hope the chlamydia didn’t render her infertile, and wait **six goddamned months** before standard HIV testing can show anything. Sex is awesome. Lying and unsafe sex practices, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/50 "2012-01-12T00:16:21Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I wouldn’t recommend trusting a single word he says anymore. Heck, don’t inherently trust any guy you’ve been dating for a month-- especially some douche canoe who cheated on you in the past. Leopards, spots, and all that. Do you know how many guys have tried to tell me that we don’t need to use condoms because they’re snipped or “infertile” (when I know for a fact they aren’t)? Icky. Nasty. Because girl, you know if he’s pulling that with you, he’s doing the same thing to each and every girl he’s fucking-- you sure as hell aren’t the only one he’s not using a rubber with. It sucks. It really does-- but you’re the only one who is looking out for you. Sorry, but this is such an important topic to me. I see so many young women getting coerced into all kinds of bad sexual situations by men (don’t get me wrong: both parties make mistakes along the way) . We need to be proactive and we need to stand up and protect ourselves. If it is you that’s allergic to condoms and no other form of protection works for you. . . I’m sorry, but you’re willing to gamble your \* life\* for a dude who has a history of cheating on you. . .in less than a month of seeing him again? Look, I know that last thing isn’t true, but you have to think of it that way. PID, HIV, HPV, and other diseases are no joke. \*\*Chessic Sense \*\*, he’s a douche because he waited to tell her. “Oh, btdubs, I have an STD! Peace out, bitch!” That’s a douche move. Clearly though, I think both parties fucked up here-- his was perhaps more of a moral failing, while the OP’s mistake was a dumb thing she hopefully won’t do again (and hopefully came away from with only a curable disease to show for it). ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/51 "2012-01-12T01:40:01Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Who knows? But I think it’s OK for her to be extra-pissed about that if she wants. Uhhh huhhh. Did I say it was somehow _not OK_? Nonsensical, perhaps. Ok, sure, whatever floats her boat. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/52 "2012-01-12T01:48:19Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I’m still a little confused. I’m not exactly sure why he’s a douchebag. Usually this board is all for promiscuous sex, including with hookers, and as far as I can tell, the guy didn’t cheat on her. When he found out about the disease, he did the responsible thing and told her. Also as far as I can tell, this early warning enabled her to avoid being infected herself, saving her god-knows how much torment. Also, he dumped her, which is what Dopers always advise someone to do when in a relationship they want out of. DTMFA and all that, right? > > **CitizenPained** is, well, pained, and I get that. We all wish she feels better, and I’m right there with ya. But…remind me why we don’t like this guy, again? Because as far as I can tell, it’s because **CitizenPained** is “one of us” and he isn’t. I’m fine with having support just for being one of the Dopers. 😃 But \*\*Ferret Herder \*\*nailed it: > [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > From my reading of the OP, he claimed he only had one one-night stand, a year ago, between their last relationship and when they started up again, and that he’d tested clean for STDs in the meantime. She’s coming off a year’s abstinence and decides that sounds safe to her, so she sleeps with him without condoms. He decides to dump her by essentially saying, “I don’t want a relationship with you now - and oh, by the way, I got chlamydia from some hooker, so god knows what else I gave you.” Now she’s got to wait for her other STD results to come back, hope the chlamydia didn’t render her infertile, and wait **six goddamned months** before standard HIV testing can show anything. > > Sex is awesome. Lying and unsafe sex practices, not so much. > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > If it is you that’s allergic to condoms and no other form of protection works for you. . . I’m sorry, but you’re willing to gamble your \* life\* for a dude who has a history of cheating on you. . .in less than a month of seeing him again? Look, I know that last thing isn’t true, but you have to think of it that way. PID, HIV, HPV, and other diseases are no joke. I never want to have sex again. ☹ I get anxious when I’m in a relationship, or headed out for a cocktail party or going to the grocery store or \_\_\_\_\_. But especially in a relationship. So at the end of 2010 (which was kind of a rough year), I decided no sex/relationships/etc for the year. I did go out a few times and wonder if I was done with my little ‘quest’ but there was no Capital R relationships or flings of that kind. There have been times when I literally can’t leave my house for days…but 2011 was absent of sex and friends, really. (Oh, but then I found the Dope!) The Ex and I have stayed friends. We’re both kind of…loners…so sometimes our only communication would be via FB or a text and that was perfectly fine. At any rate, neither one of us likes social situations, though I’m wonderful at faking it and he just looks like he’s getting ready for a root canal. I asked if he wanted to be my +1 for an event in December and he said yes. But, you know, it’s him, and we used to be very close, and a couple of days later (no sex) we’re dating again. He had said he slept with one person in our hiatus and it was over a year ago. If you knew him, you’d have no reason to doubt it. Because I tend to get infections/reactions with condoms, we both decided not to use them when I (we?) made the decision to start sleeping together again. I didn’t just fall into his bed after a couple of cocktails. I would have **never** thought that he was lying about this. The whole thing reads like a screenplay. And a bad one. 😕 Last night I called him and said, “I get to yell at you now” and proceeded to tell him how awful it was for him to lie to me about the whole thing, put my health in danger, etc. He actually had sex with a hooker (there was more than one over the years…news to me) in November. He and I started going out/discussing a relationship again in December, finally decided to test the waters, started sleeping together, having a perfect time, yayaya and then…THEN he goes to get STD testing. _After_ The Talk. So he got it done after he said it had been done _months_ ago. After penis has met vagina. And it’s really weird, because if you knew how he was about doctors and germs and paying your bills on time and things…well, he’s an extremely…cautious…person. But you have to be some kind of miserable to go and pay for sex imo. Ugh. Condom or not, that’s extremely dangerous behavior. Yeah. So I was dumb to trust him. But he didn’t have a history of cheating (the thread edit is off) or anything. What he did was lie about his sexual history and put me in a horrible position. I can’t imagine ever trusting anyone again…ever. I would’ve never slept with him had I known. I figure he knew that and that’s why he kept silent. He is probably ashamed of his hooker dipping as well. Today we went to PP. The doc gave me more antibiotics. He was tested for everything possible. I am getting tested again for chlamydia in two weeks and then 3 months for HIV and HPV. He paid for it (and he damn well better!). Because I’m so hurt and freaked out, I decided it wasn’t a good idea to continue to yell at him today. It was probably a good thing, because we spent five hours together this afternoon. He really did seem contrite/self loathing about the whole thing. Good. I hope he feels like absolute shit. He has a history of depression, so maybe that’s where the prostitute thing comes from. _sniffle_ I guess you really can’t trust anyone. He said the same thing as others - that some married men do use prostitutes and come home to their wives. That’s just…god, this whole thing made me extremely sad. I almost didn’t make it into work today, I felt so…low. And as far as the pain goes, I have ovarian cysts again. The doc said it was probably that + the antibiotics that was causing all the discomfort. I was walking like an old lady this afternoon. ☹ Thanks, everyone. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/53 "2012-01-12T02:04:09Z")
1. Call the doctor and ask for prescription pain meds. By Og, woman, you’ve earned them. 2. Never, ever, _ever_ have unprotected sex with anyone unless you’ve been in a monogamous relationship for six months and have the print out of the STD panel results to share. (Sounds harsh? Guess what I found out: people lie. Oh, yes, by all means, have the mature discussion about how long ago your last sexual relationship was, and have you been tested since then, and what were the results. People lie.) 3. Not only are there non-latex (polyurethane and “lambskin”) condoms for men, there are polyurethane condoms for women. Again, more expensive, but they put the power in your hands. 4. You will want to have sex again. Trust me on this. 5. If you haven’t already gotten a blood draw for a full STD panel, do so. Everything except HIV will show up within a month. HIV may take as long as six months. Make sure you get a pap smear this year, and let your gyn know that your last partner exposed you to chlamydia. 6. If you’ve got ovarian cysts, consider going on The Pill. There are risk factors if you’re over 35 and/or smoke, but one thing they do _really_ well is shrink cysts. Progestin only pills are especially good at that. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/54 "2012-01-12T02:07:54Z")
I seriously fail to see why sex with a hooker is more of an STD risk than sex with any random broad you pick up at a meat market bar. We have this culture where we say it’s OK, even encouraged, to go to the “singles” “club” “scene” and fuck your way through dozens or hundreds of people that you “pick up,” and this is seen as just normal sexual behavior for a single person with a high libido. But visit a professional, and UUUGHH ICCKKKK GROSS. I don’t get it. Professionals are the ones whose _business_ it is to fuck you, so they’re looking out for their sexual health because otherwise _their business suffers._ I’m not talking about crack whores here, but run of the mill escorts. Why do people act like they’re more likely to be carrying a bug than some random person at a “club” who comes home with you? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/55 "2012-01-12T02:15:26Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > Can’t say I’ve really cared for your posts here, **CitizenPained** , but nobody deserves that. Fuck that guy. No, fuck any other guy but him…he doesent deserve it anymore 😃 So **CP** , how you doin 😃 \ ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/56 "2012-01-12T02:27:14Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Professionals are the ones whose _business_ it is to fuck you, so they’re looking out for their sexual health because otherwise _their business suffers._ I’m not talking about crack whores here, but run of the mill escorts. Why do people act like they’re more likely to be carrying a bug than some random person at a “club” who comes home with you? Smart pros do. We don’t know who he hired, and apparently he paid for prostitutes more than once, and at least one of them wasn’t smart, or was indeed a crack whore. So by definition, “eww, who the fuck did he sleep with?” If anything, that is indeed worse than getting it from a random hookup because some random chick doesn’t have to consider fucking and clean genital health as her job. She based her decision to go bareback with him on his statement that he had a single one night stand and **tested clean**. Since he came up infected, it’s fairly natural to go “ew!” regardless of the source. Regardless of what you think about the sexual opinions of many posters here, true or not, this poster has different feelings about sex and she’s feeling really fucking betrayed right now by her lying POS ex. Plus the only STD that he **knows** he has was chlamydia; she has to wait for HIV/HPV testing. I’m glad to hear it’s down to a 3 month gap these days. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/57 "2012-01-12T02:29:00Z")
Well, she definitely has the right to feel betrayed. The guy was a real shitbag for lying about his sexual history like that - unprotected sex requires a certain amount of disclosure and trust. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/58 "2012-01-12T02:32:21Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I seriously fail to see why sex with a hooker is more of an STD risk than sex with any random broad you pick up at a meat market bar. We have this culture where we say it’s OK, even encouraged, to go to the “singles” “club” “scene” and fuck your way through dozens or hundreds of people that you “pick up,” and this is seen as just normal sexual behavior for a single person with a high libido. But visit a professional, and UUUGHH ICCKKKK GROSS. > > I don’t get it. Professionals are the ones whose _business_ it is to fuck you, so they’re looking out for their sexual health because otherwise _their business suffers._ I’m not talking about crack whores here, but run of the mill escorts. Why do people act like they’re more likely to be carrying a bug than some random person at a “club” who comes home with you? If it’s unprotected sex the hooker is having, then it is assumed she is having it with many more. The sheer number of sexual partners is what sets professional sex apart from personal sex (in _most_ cases). ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/59 "2012-01-12T02:53:06Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > I’ve had an STD scare, and really it’s better to know than to get revenge. But…it’s BEST to know AND get revenge! hh ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144/60 "2012-01-12T03:24:29Z")
I’m confused…does she actually HAVE chlamydia from him, or is she just in pain from the cysts and getting tested to SEE if she caught an STD from him? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-so-upset-i-cant-even-think-of-a-proper-pit-title-ed-cheating-ex-and-std/609144.md?page=4)