# "I'm sorry BUT..."
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 15, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169 "2009-07-15T23:45:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/1 "2009-07-15T23:45:34Z")
No. Either you are sorry or you aren’t. I fucking hate this. I would rather you didn’t say you were sorry than to push the responsibility off on me or something else. There is no BUT. If there is then you really aren’t sorry any don’t take responsibility for what you did/said. The only reason you say “I’m sorry BUT…” is so you can get mad back at me when I don’t accept your paper thin apology. Then it gets turned around and becomes you being upset because I “just won’t accept my fucking apology”.
There is no BUT. If there is then you really aren’t sorry to begin with.
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### Author:  [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/2 "2009-07-15T23:47:25Z")
I’m sorry, but the Cubs suck harder than a black hole built by Hoover.
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### Author:  [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/3 "2009-07-15T23:58:49Z")
I’m sorry, but I didn’t know she was your mom when she came onto me.
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### Author:  [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/4 "2009-07-16T00:13:58Z")
I’m sorry you have to leave, because you’re hotter than a thousand whayasays, but you’re such a crappy worker I really have no choice.
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### Author:  [@incidental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/incidental)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/5 "2009-07-16T00:17:57Z")
I’m sorry, but the cancer is inoperable. Would you like to speak with palliative care?
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### Author:  [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/6 "2009-07-16T00:18:43Z")
I’m sorry. Butter is better than margarine.
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### Author:  [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/7 "2009-07-16T00:19:41Z")
I’m sorry, butt.
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/8 "2009-07-16T00:19:52Z")
I’m sorry, but you had to know this was how this thread was going to turn out. 😉
No, I’m actually with the OP 100% on this one. Either apologize or don’t. Own your damn words. Similarly, “Please don’t find this offensive, but…” irritates the shit out of me. If you are already aware that what you’re about to say is likely to cause offense, then either don’t say it, or own up to its offensiveness.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/9 "2009-07-16T00:19:54Z")
My grandmother pulls and has always pulled something similiar. Except it always begins "Well, I am not going to argue with you but (insert long diatribe here).
So, I feel your pain but… 🙂
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### Author:  [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/10 "2009-07-16T00:19:57Z")
To restrain myself from the obvious gimmick to start a response, I’d say to **Cubsfan** that, while he has a point that the phrase is overused, it is quite possible to regret the necessity of saying something that, while hurtful or offensive in some way to the hearer’s sensibilities, nonetheless needs to be said for an overriding reason.
Consider a policeman serving a bench warrant against someone due to appear in cour who failed to appear because he was at the hospital, having just lost his parents in a car crash: “I’m sorry, but this bench warrant requires that I arrest you and take you before the judge. When he hears the reason you just explained to me why you didn’t appear, I’m sure he’ll dismiss it, but I have no choice but to take you before him.” In a case like that, “I’m sorry, but…” is the really appropriate construction.
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### Author:  [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/11 "2009-07-16T00:27:02Z")
Like **Polycarp** , I think the phrasing has a useful semantic purpose. This is usually the case with things that humans regularly say.
Consider the phrase “with all due respect.” If the sentence was spoken with all due respect, it would be unnecessary to add the disclaimer. Indeed, sentences following that introduction are usually disrespectful. But that doesn’t mean the phrase is worthless. It just means the translation is something like, “I recognize that what I’m about to say is disrespectful, I hope you won’t hold it against me because I feel compelled to say it under the circumstances.”
Similarly, English and Philosophy teachers are fond of telling students not to write the phrase “I think [such and such to be the case].” But while it is, strictly speaking, redundant, it serves a useful linguistic role. It alerts the reader that the writer recognizes the subjectivity of his opinion. It softens it.
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### Author:  [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/12 "2009-07-16T00:45:38Z")
Actually I phrased it this way because I really am sorry that this situation happened.
But it happened because you were such a douche bag that chances are it was bound to happen.
I’m not sorry that you are a douche bag.
I’m sorry to myself that I didn’t realize that sooner and avoid witnessing your douche baggery.
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### Author:  [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/13 "2009-07-16T00:50:48Z")
> [@Polycarp](#):
>
> Consider a policeman serving a bench warrant against someone due to appear in cour who failed to appear because he was at the hospital, having just lost his parents in a car crash: “I’m sorry, but this bench warrant requires that I arrest you and take you before the judge. When he hears the reason you just explained to me why you didn’t appear, I’m sure he’ll dismiss it, but I have no choice but to take you before him.” In a case like that, “I’m sorry, but…” is the really appropriate construction.
Y’all are right about that. The one that sucks is “I’m sorry IF…”.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/14 "2009-07-16T00:54:07Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#):
>
> Similarly, English and Philosophy teachers are fond of telling students not to write the phrase “I think [such and such to be the case].” But while it is, strictly speaking, redundant, it serves a useful linguistic role. It alerts the reader that the writer recognizes the subjectivity of his opinion. It softens it.
No kidding. I dont know how many times someone here on the dope has to remind someone else that what they wrote was actually their OPINION (which would be obvious to any semi sentient being) because they didnt actually write that it was their opinion.
I am half tempted to put a IMFO disclaimer on everything I post here.
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/15 "2009-07-16T01:44:06Z")
> [@billfish678](#):
>
> No kidding. I dont know how many times someone here on the dope has to remind someone else that what they wrote was actually their OPINION (which would be obvious to any semi sentient being) because they didnt actually write that it was their opinion.
Actually, I think this is useful, because quite often people seem to think that in a discussion of facts, their opinion is interesting to anybody. Opinions backed up by no supporting facts are pretty fucking boring and don’t need to be stated. When someone says, “That’s just your opinion,” mentally append, “…and who gives a shit about your opinion?”
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### Author:  [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/16 "2009-07-16T01:44:22Z")
I’m sorry, but posts 2-6 made me laugh out loud. Yep, even laughed about cancer, I did. I’m properly ashamed.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/17 "2009-07-16T01:46:57Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#):
>
> Actually, I think this is useful, because quite often people seem to think that in a discussion of facts, their opinion is interesting to anybody. Opinions backed up by no supporting facts are pretty fucking boring and don’t need to be stated. When someone says, “That’s just your opinion,” mentally append, “…and who gives a shit about your opinion?”
Is that a fact or opinion? 🙂
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### Author:  [@kitemaker\_chuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitemaker_chuck)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/18 "2009-07-16T01:48:18Z")
Everybody I know has a big but!!!
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### Author:  [@iftheresaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iftheresaway)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/19 "2009-07-16T01:55:40Z")
Who was it that said, (something to the effect of) “Whenever there is a sentence with a ‘but’ in it, it’s the part after the ‘but’ that’s really meant.”
The one I always loved was “I’m not a racist, but…” followed by the most racist bullshit I’ve ever heard. I’m totally on board with the OP. Even though there are occasional instances (as\*\* Polycarp\*\* mentioned) where it’s a legitimate phrasing, in general _I think_ it’s just a weasel way of saying the thing that you’re pretending you aren’t saying.
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### Author:  [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/20 "2009-07-16T01:56:44Z")
Exactly. I JUST went hrought this crap with somebody at work yesterday.
Apparently I insulted a woman during a meeting and she (tacitly) asked for an apology.
I apologized in front of the WHOLE room but it wasn’t enough for her. She was, like, "That wasn’t an apology because you non-verbally indicated that you had a REASON for not really being sorry (the “but” part).
Good lord, whatever. They don’t pay me enough for deaing with this crap.
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