# "I'm sorry BUT..." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169 "2009-07-15T23:45:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/21 "2009-07-16T02:15:17Z")
Example of the situation I’m referring to: “I’m sorry I threw the cup at you but you were making me so mad don’t you see that?” Just wanted to clear up the version I’m referring to in order to avoid more special situations. ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/22 "2009-07-16T02:17:42Z")
Moving this from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share. **Gfactor** Pit Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/23 "2009-07-16T02:21:09Z")
> [@Gfactor](#): > > Moving this from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share. > > **Gfactor** > Pit Moderator Hardly mundane and pointless if you’re the one who is pissed off!! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/24 "2009-07-16T02:41:28Z")
I used it today but not really in the way indicated. I told a coworker (whose lunch I interrupted for a vitally important test that needed to be run within minutes), “I’m sorry, but I really need your help.” I was, in fact, very sorry to disturb her lunch. I also absolutely could not do anything but get her to help me right then - there were no other techs in the building (the others had left for their lunch) and I had to have that test run right then or else we would waste a very expensive medication that would be useless if not administered within 10 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/25 "2009-07-16T04:30:55Z")
> [@iftheresaway](#): > > Who was it that said, (something to the effect of) “Whenever there is a sentence with a ‘but’ in it, it’s the part after the ‘but’ that’s really meant.” > > The one I always loved was “I’m not a racist, but…” followed by the most racist bullshit I’ve ever heard. I’m totally on board with the OP. Even though there are occasional instances (as\*\* Polycarp\*\* mentioned) where it’s a legitimate phrasing, in general _I think_ it’s just a weasel way of saying the thing that you’re pretending you aren’t saying. Similarly: “No offense, but…”, which is almost always followed by an offensive statement. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/26 "2009-07-16T04:34:54Z")
Add these to the list of complaints “Excuse me, BUT” “No offense, BUT” ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/27 "2009-07-16T12:16:44Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > Example of the situation I’m referring to: > > “I’m sorry I threw the cup at you but you were making me so mad don’t you see that?” > > Just wanted to clear up the version I’m referring to in order to avoid more special situations. As I understand it, the generic form that I think you are objecting to is this: I’m sorry [for causing a specific externality], but A) [I really wanted that externality to happen], or B) [you motivated me to cause that externality]. The form most folks here seem to be OK with is this: I’m sorry [for causing a specific externality], but [this/these other outcomes(s) were necessary/important, or these facts are ineluctible]. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/28 "2009-07-16T12:19:06Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Is that a fact or opinion? 🙂 As indicated by “I think that…” in the stuff you quoted, it’s a **belief**! ---
**Author:** ![ThePylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@ThePylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThePylon)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/29 "2009-07-16T13:17:43Z")
I usually use it with an unspoken “I know you expected this other thing” preceeding the “I’m sorry, but this…” eg: I’m sorry, but you do have to pay that parking ticket. (ie - they were thinking they don’t really have to pay). ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/30 "2009-07-16T13:45:32Z")
> [@Creaky](#): > > Exactly. I JUST went hrought this crap with somebody at work yesterday. > > Apparently I insulted a woman during a meeting and she (tacitly) asked for an apology. > > I apologized in front of the WHOLE room but it wasn’t enough for her. She was, like, "That wasn’t an apology because you non-verbally indicated that you had a REASON for not really being sorry (the “but” part). > > Good lord, whatever. They don’t pay me enough for deaing with this crap. Then you get, “I’d like to apologize for breaking your expensive vase.” But they never DO apologize for it. They just say they’d LIKE to apologize. How about “I’m very sorry for breaking your vase and I hope you’ll forgive me?” That is an apology. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/31 "2009-07-16T14:16:20Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > As indicated by “I think that…” in the stuff you quoted, it’s a **belief**! Now is a belief like a really firm opinion or perhaps a fairly negotiable fact? ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/32 "2009-07-16T14:40:30Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Now is a belief like a really firm opinion or perhaps a fairly negotiable fact? Unfortunately, “belief” is an equivocal term. There are different kinds and degrees of belief. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/33 "2009-07-16T15:28:51Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > Like **Polycarp** , I think the phrasing has a useful semantic purpose. This is usually the case with things that humans regularly say. > > Consider the phrase “with all due respect.”… Heh. I know a judge who considers “With all due respect” to be synonymous with “Fuck you!” Drives her up the wall. However, as with “I’m sorry, but…” I agree that it has its uses. It’s when it’s used insincerely that I can’t stand it. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/34 "2009-07-16T15:34:48Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Heh. I know a judge who considers “With all due respect” to be synonymous with “Fuck you!” Drives her up the wall. Judge Koetl in SDNY is famous for yelling at lawyers when they say this. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/35 "2009-07-16T19:07:26Z")
I just used this on my biggest dog a few minutes ago. He was deeply unhappy with getting this month’s Frontline, since his system is very sensitive to medication, and he might get achy or poopy for the rest of the day. Alas, we have a daily stream of deer through our back yard. Sorry, puppy. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/36 "2009-07-16T19:22:56Z")
I’m sorry, but there are limits to my culpability/acceptance of your sins/the situation. Don’t like it? Tough shit. Seems like a childish excuse to not accept any effort to discuss the situation or refuse to accept any apology. _“You didn’t accept full responsibility without qualification? HOW DARE YOU!?!?!”_ ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/37 "2009-07-16T20:05:54Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > Judge Koetl in SDNY is famous for yelling at lawyers when they say this. Something tells me he is just another pompass ass who could never possibibly be wrong, have forgotten something, not seen a certain angle, be misinformed of an important fact, and just wont take to anyone questioning his autority. Just a hunch. If you are talking about a tv show judge, then I’ll let that remark reflect on any person who automatically equates “no disrespect intended” with “fuck you idiot”. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/38 "2009-07-16T23:58:56Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > Then you get, “I’d like to apologize for breaking your expensive vase.” > But they never DO apologize for it. They just say they’d LIKE to apologize. > How about “I’m very sorry for breaking your vase and I hope you’ll forgive me?” That is an apology. Exactly! I actually TOLD this sorry wench at this sorry meeting that I WAS SORRY. Not, “I’d like to apologize” but, “I owe you an apology and I am sorry if I offended you.” I can’t help it if she knew in her heart somehow that I thought she was STILL wrong (which I certainly did). My apology was technically correct and VERY public which is more than she could have ever managed. Grrrr. People. Can’t shoot 'em, can’t live without 'em… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/39 "2009-07-17T07:39:36Z")
I’m sorry but the phrase “I don’t disagree with you” is much more maddening. e.g. I don’t disagree with you that the “I’m sorry but” construction is a load of BS, however, my phrase is worse, so quit your whining, as what concerns me is paramount. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169/40 "2009-07-17T12:21:11Z")
Now you see, I think it’s okay and very useful at times. But I see it more as; I’m sorry. But… Two sentences, not one. I’m sorry, stands alone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-but/503169.md?page=3)