# "I'm sorry if anyone was offended"...No You Aren't **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 25, 2013, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383 "2013-02-25T22:54:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/1 "2013-02-25T22:54:43Z")
Why can’t folks just apologize?? I am so sick of these non-apology apologies that amount to basically, “I did nothing wrong, I meant nothing, but you are kind of an overly sensitive wuss.” Own your contrition and criminey, even if you aren’t really sorry, but you are just doing it to save your political/acting/sporting/music/nuclear physicist job do a fucking better job faking it than “I’m sorry you were offended” because quite honestly that is worse than no fucking apology. ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/2 "2013-02-25T23:06:55Z")
Even better is “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to apologize.” Wait, what? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/3 "2013-02-25T23:18:51Z")
I’m sorry you’re stupid and can’t understand my apology. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/4 "2013-02-25T23:24:27Z")
I appreciate the OP’s feelings on this matter, and I want to apologise on behalf of my fellow dopers. (But I’m not going to.) ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/5 "2013-02-25T23:27:39Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > I appreciate the OP’s feelings on this matter, and I want to apologise on behalf of my fellow dopers. (But I’m not going to.) Yes, but you WANT to. You see the need and want to address it. That means that you’re still human. (unlike some of us. 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/6 "2013-02-25T23:34:46Z")
They don’t know how to apologize, they don’t want to, or they’re not sorry. Perhaps all three. Whenever anybody says “I’m sorry if I offended you,” or “I’m sorry if this offends anybody, but…” I ask them how they know whether or not to be sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/7 "2013-02-25T23:40:47Z")
Usually, I’m just sorry that I got caught. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/8 "2013-02-25T23:46:33Z")
\*And now my story is ended, I feel that it’s time I should quit. If any of you are offended, Stick your head in a barrel of Shaving cream, be nice and clean, Shave every day and you’ll always look keen.\* ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2013, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/9 "2013-02-25T23:55:45Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Why can’t folks just apologize?? I am so sick of these non-apology apologies that amount to basically, “I did nothing wrong, I meant nothing, but you are kind of an overly sensitive wuss.” Own your contrition and criminey, even if you aren’t really sorry, but you are just doing it to save your political/acting/sporting/music/nuclear physicist job do a fucking better job faking it than “I’m sorry you were offended” because quite honestly that is worse than no fucking apology. While not yourself obviously, I feel no reason to offer a sincere apology where none are indicated, but there have been circumstances where third parties wanted a public apology and its easier to fake and bake an apology. Stated the right way, it conforms with the letter of the law, but leaving the one receiving the apology knowing full well, its not in keeping with the spirit. Declan ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/10 "2013-02-26T00:09:08Z")
Captain Picard on ST:TNG had a great one. When a Romulan suggested an apology was in order for violating the Neutal Zone or some such, Picard says, “If an apology will do, then I offer it!” Patrick Stewart played it with wonderful disdain. ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/11 "2013-02-26T00:33:14Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Why can’t folks just apologize?? I am so sick of these non-apology apologies that amount to basically, “I did nothing wrong, I meant nothing, but you are kind of an overly sensitive wuss.” In some cases, this is exactly the sentiment that was intended. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/12 "2013-02-26T00:43:58Z")
Right. They should just lie. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/13 "2013-02-26T00:55:41Z")
Sometimes you just gotta offend some people. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/14 "2013-02-26T01:12:28Z")
That’s why I always prefix any offensive statement with “No offence, but…” , “I’m not a racist, but…” or “Don’t take this personally, but…” - it saves a lot of hassle in composing insincere apologies later. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/15 "2013-02-26T01:28:44Z")
Saw a lawyer on TV talking to the press about his client, a city councilman who was just arrested for DUI and child endangerment with his 7-year-old in the back seat. Witness called 911 after seeing the car weaving for several miles and then jump a curb after almost entering the wrong way onto the exit ramp of the interstate. Driver refused all sobriety tests and insisted that the cop lacked probable cause to pull him over in the first place. His attorney assured the cameras that his client was extremely sorry for being put in the position he was in, and that he would never endanger the life of his child or anyone else. Apologies aren’t what they used to be. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/16 "2013-02-26T01:29:55Z")
Eh, I can’t get outraged by this. For one thing, as people have already point out, sometimes it’s purely a matter of practicality. In addition, imagine a situation where you’re a filmmaker or author or comedian or something, and you have some piece of material that you think makes an important point, but which pushes the limits of what is generally considered acceptable for some reason. If you think long and hard about it, and decide that the point you’re making is clever or important or entertaining enough, and you’ve put in some due diligence in ensuring that whatever pushing of the boundaries you’re doing is in fact necessary and not gratuitous; and you publish/release your work, and some number of people are publicly offended… well, a response of “I’m sorry that people were offended” strikes me as a totally reasonable and even expected reaction. You weren’t deliberately trying to make people offended or upset or uncomfortable. So to the extent that that happened, you’re legitimately sorry. But at the same time you’re not going to apologize for your action because you think it was valuable and you in fact put thought and work into crafting it the way you did. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/17 "2013-02-26T01:31:49Z")
It’s the classic “non-apology apology”. It puts the responsibility for the offense on the person who was offended. See also: “non-denial denial” and “mistakes were made”. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/18 "2013-02-26T01:38:48Z")
So what _is_ the proper way to apologize when you’re not sorry? We know “Mistakes were made” and “I’m sorry you feel that way” are duds, so I need to know how to make with an apology when one is an order without actually saying I’m sorry or setting off any BS alarms. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/19 "2013-02-26T01:47:56Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > So what _is_ the proper way to apologize when you’re not sorry? We know “Mistakes were made” and “I’m sorry you feel that way” are duds, so I need to know how to make with an apology when one is an order without actually saying I’m sorry or setting off any BS alarms. Just say, “I am truly and deeply sorry” without elaborating. They’ll read what they wish into it even if the only thing you’re sorry about is that empty bottle of Scotch. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383/20 "2013-02-26T01:48:20Z")
“I’m sorry if some people _chose_ to be offended.” How I’d apologize for a remark that crossed the line but was exploited by the offenderati. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-if-anyone-was-offended-no-you-arent/651383.md?page=2)