# I'm sorry, I'm too stupid to date you. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930 "2003-04-15T19:42:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/21 "2003-04-15T22:45:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*Where do you get these… > > Rocks? > > :dubious: \*\* I believe they’re stored next to the hammers 😛 ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/22 "2003-04-15T23:40:22Z")
Give it a chance. Academics aren’t everything, as has already been said. A particular friend of mine–one of the most academically sharp people I’ve known, though not a lot of common sense–wound up marrying a guy with a high school diploma. I never would have thought that she would do something like that, she was always such an intellectual snob, but they’re very happy together. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/23 "2003-04-16T00:12:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ladydisco \* > \*\*Mr. Ladydisco often discusses robots, robotics and roboflkenrwlls to the point where my eyes glaze over and I can only give him a blank stare and blink. \*\* Awesome! My roboflkenrwll hasn’t worked right for _ages._ Ask him what you should do if you push the button, the light comes on, but nothing happens and you just hear a kind of a scraping sound from inside the flkenrwll housing? ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/24 "2003-04-16T00:35:27Z")
For what it’s worth: I have a double major, BS ME EE. I also have a graduate degree, MS ME. These are reputable degrees from accredited schools, and I’ve had people nag me to go back to get my PhD. I will never do that, because I like interacting with real people too much. My girlfiend has a New York State Regents’ diploma from high school. The truth is, she’s smarter than I am. She just never had the educational opportunities that I had. When you get to be my age, you will find that “native intelligence” trumps “book learning” every time. You found these boards before he did, right? Heh. You’re a genious compared to that guy. Don’t sell yourself short. ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/25 "2003-04-16T01:57:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stephi \* > So I told him that, well, “I’m too stupid to date you.” Or perhaps, just smart enough _not to?_ That’s always a defining factor in relationships. My wife is _still_ wondering what she was thinking 😉 I have to agree that booksmarts count for diddly. As a friend of mine once said of his degree, “That and 50 cents, and I can buy a cup of coffe and wipe my a–” ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/26 "2003-04-16T02:08:23Z")
I have a big problem with sounding like I’m trying to sound smart, when it’s just how I talk. I’ll write poetry, and I’ll pick a word (anthropomorphised is the Classic Example, but it did work…) and everyone will think that I’m totally a nerd who just tries to use big words to make myself to look better. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/27 "2003-04-16T02:23:20Z")
You’re selling yourself short. As has already been said in previous posts, there is a difference between being book smart and having common sense. I used to work for a large variety of people with Ph.ds. Most didn’t have an ounce of common sense. A degree is a piece of paper that states you went through the appropriate hoops to earn it. Many people have not had the opportunity to go on to a secondary education (money issues, real life intruding, whatever), but are EXTREMELY well-read. I’ve known many of these people too. They put so called college educated folks to shame. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/28 "2003-04-16T02:49:45Z")
I’m getting my B.A. in a few weeks and am off to law school in the fall. My b/f graduated high school and has a long history of being an industrial worker (he’s trying to get out of it.) and we’ve never been at a loss for conversation. He’s genuinely one of the smartest guys I’ve met. Stubborn and pigheaded, yes, but also very, very smart. I’ve also got a friend who’s graduated from college and is quite intelligent who’s wife, who I am also friends with, asked when the movie _Titanic_ was over “did that really happen?” Let’s just say she’s not the brightest bulb in the pack. They do just fine (she’s in a constant state of fascination when they talk and he eats it all right up) What I’m trying to say here is, sometimes degree’s don’t mean squat and other times, opposites attract. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/29 "2003-04-16T03:42:35Z")
> [@](#): > > OTOH, my ex-husband has the PhD and teaches at a highly respected institution of higher learning, but doesn’t have the common sense to come in out of the rain most of the time. Has never grasped the concept that he doesn’t have to own EVERY book in the world. (He’s at 15,000 volumes and counting.) Takes “eccentric” to a whole new level. So, is he still on the market? If he likes cats and science fiction, he sounds like a match for me! Bonus points if he plays D&D. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/30 "2003-04-16T05:48:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by butrscotch \* > **OTOH, my ex-husband has the PhD and teaches at a highly respected institution of higher learning, but doesn’t have the common sense to come in out of the rain most of the time. Has never grasped the concept that he doesn’t have to own EVERY book in the world. (He’s at 15,000 volumes and counting.) Takes “eccentric” to a whole new level.** Only 15,000 ? ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/31 "2003-04-16T11:14:26Z")
Of course there are plenty of people without a formal academic education that are very intelligent. The question is that of whether a couple are able to communicate with each other. And it seems to me that the OP makes it clear that this couple aren’t. If you feel that someone’s interests are so different to yours that you can’t talk propertly without one of you condescending to the other, then that’s a legitimate reason not to date them. I’m just about to start a PhD and it would bother me if I couldn’t talk to my boyfriend about my research. I’m well aware that academia isn’t the only indication of intelligence but it’s what I’m interested in and what drives me, so someone who doesn’t understand that isn’t going to be suited to me however intelligent they might be. ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_Holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a5b964/32.png) [@Mycroft\_Holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_Holmes)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/32 "2003-04-16T11:37:44Z")
What I find highly amusing, is that the OP contains no visible spelling and grammar mistakes, while some of the responses show this: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Zebra_ > Could’nt you just say > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by CRorex_ > an intellegence issue > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Exgineer_ > You’re a genious > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by lezlers_ > sometimes degree’s don’t mean squat Now who’s too stupid? 😃 [sub]Of course I realize most of those are just typos, so please don’t rip me a new one just yet. I’m only kidding[/sub] Seriously though, the point everyone is making is very important. A person’s intelligence has nothing to do with how many degrees they have. If he was capable of having a decent conversation with you, and maybe even making you smile, and wasn’t the complete stick in the mud that most PhDs in Chemistry are (I should know, I almost became one), you definitely made a mistake. ---
**Author:** ![SouthernSky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@SouthernSky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernSky)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/33 "2003-04-16T12:04:50Z")
It’s quite possible you are more well-rounded with more common sense, and that attracted him. Try looking past the letters after his name - was he interesting otherwise? If you were intimidated to the point that you said what you did, I’m guessing there were signals other than the degree that held you off. You may have made the right decision using the wrong reason! Don’t beat yourself up about it, and allow yourself to be more objective next time! ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/34 "2003-04-16T12:29:16Z")
My sister is the sweetest, kindest, most caring person any of you would ever be privileged to meet. It has also taken her **ten years** to get one bachelor’s degree. She has no common sense, little book-sense, and no ability to retain information outside of her field. She is, however, an excellent nurse, and her former patients have sent her gifts that would make my year. My sister’s fiance is an engineer. About two years ago, he broke up with her saying that, “I just always pictured the mother of my children as someone more intelligent…someone who reads.” She said fine. Having survived one heinous marriage was enough for her. A week later, he was begging her back and they’re getting married this August. He had to realize that he loved her whether she could recite Goethe or not, and trust me, she can’t. He dotes on her like mad, has photos of her all over his house, and can’t wait to have children with her now. Respect and compatibility are far more important than education. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/35 "2003-04-16T12:29:19Z")
Well, aside from smarts - is he CUTE? heh. Just teasing. Um - well, do you _want_ to date him? What’s his personality like? As others have said - education and intelligence are two different things. And on the topic of intelligence… **Intelligence is derived from two words - Inter and legere - inter meaning ‘between’ and legere meaning ‘to choose’. An intelligent person, therefore, is one who has learned ‘to choose between’. He knows that good is better than evil, that confidence should supersede fear, that love is superior to hate, that gentleness is better than cruelty, forbearance than intolerance, compassion than arrogance, and that truth has more virtue than ignorance.** - J. Martin Klotsche Best of luck, Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/36 "2003-04-16T12:31:50Z")
Don’t be intimidated. Heck, I’ve got a Ph.D., and **Pepper Mill** only has an associate’s degree (she’s now finishing up her bachelor’s). This is pretty irrelevant to anything – we’re seriously warped in the same way, which I think is the basis of a lasting relationship. Heck, I know people with advanced degrees in EE that I wouldn’t trust with a toaster. ---
**Author:** ![Sappho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sappho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sappho)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/37 "2003-04-16T12:50:13Z")
This isn’t just about intelligence though. Education is important too. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t just want someone who’s intelligent but also someone who is at least somewhat _academic_. Although there may be examples of couples that work where one is academic and the other not, I think it’s difficult. Because it’s important that your SO and you can communicate about things that are important to both of you. What’s most important to me right now is my research. That doesn’t make me more intelligent than a non-academic but it does make it important for me to be with someone who genuinely understands that. As I said before in this thread, it’s perfectly legitimate to not want to date someone you can’t communicate with properly and with an academic/non-academic pairing that’s not unlikely. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/38 "2003-04-16T16:57:26Z")
I’m just wondering if maybe I did the right thing for the wrong reasons. I just got out of an eight year relationship, less than a month ago, and maybe I was just looking for a way to say no without sounding…vulnerable. Maybe I should talk to him and tell him this. Or maybe not. I don’t want And for the record, yes, he is just yummy! And he’s funny, and sweet. I guess I was just surprised he was interested in me. But sometimes he’ll talk about chemistry and I’m sitting there thinking “huh?” I guess a part of it is also that my last SO made me feel dumb a lot. He’d ask me questions, like he was my tutor or something. Then I’d get mad. The funny thing is, I don’t think he was much smarter than me, I think he just liked making himself sound smart. ladydisco: Yes, he has a nice ass. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/39 "2003-04-16T17:32:21Z")
**Stephi** , here’s my suggestion: Go out with him for a cup of coffee or something that, and while you’re out, ask him about what he does and see what kind of answer you get. In other words, see if he can talk about it in a way that lets a layperson understand some of what he’s doing; this will let you know if he’s got his head so far into his work that he can’t see the rest of us, or if he’s a well-rounded guy who happens to have a specialized job. I’d also deferentially point out, by the way, that if I were just one month out of an eight-year relationship, I’d probably not be looking to start a new one. When I got out of a six-year relationship, it took me a few _years_ to get my dating perspective back. YMMV, of course. ---
**Author:** ![VenusProbe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/e495f1/32.png) [@VenusProbe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VenusProbe)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930/40 "2003-04-16T17:43:57Z")
How long have you known him? My guess is that he has been wanting to ask you out for some time, but you being in a relationship kinda put a damper on things till now. just my 2 coppers, Robert [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-im-too-stupid-to-date-you/168930.md?page=3)