# I'm sorry, were you raised in a fucking BARN? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 28, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463 "2004-06-28T00:07:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/21 "2004-06-28T20:52:57Z")
And I thought it was bad when a friend of mine was demoted from Maid of Honor to mere bridesmaid. That wouldn’t have been so bad, but the way she found out? She looked at the program and saw that her name was not under Maid of Honor. I’ll tell her some of these stories. I think she’ll feel better. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/22 "2004-06-28T20:56:26Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > No, and especially not at (or after) a family gathering like a wedding when dancing with various people in the extended family is extremely common. Yeah, I agree, if it’s family, then it’s not flirting. But if it’s my brother’s friends’ wife’s sister and my sister’s brother inlaw’s niece’s cousin, then I might have to think about it. > [@](#): > > Well, just because those guys you know are apparently insecure, jealous, over-protective morons doesn’t mean that everyone has to be. > > Guys who over-react like this tend to be the same sort of jerkoffs who see women as simply possessions, or sex objects, or “turf” that needs to be defended from all outside influences. Agreed. Don’t deny they exist though. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/23 "2004-06-28T21:00:46Z")
> [@ccwaterback](#): > > Yeah, I agree, if it’s family, then it’s not flirting. But if it’s my brother’s friends’ wife’s sister and my sister’s brother inlaw’s niece’s cousin, then I might have to think about it. It was family. Aunts, uncles, cousins and spouses. Family. No cousin’s brother’s wife’s friend’s sister’s puppy involved. **FilmGeek** , are you kidding me? Did she throw the bride a shower and everything? And THEN was demoted in the program? That’s just wrong. Ava ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/24 "2004-06-29T05:05:38Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > His girlfriend/halfsister (yes, I AM serious) managed to snare the booze away from him Girlfriend/halfsister? Girlfriend…halfsister? _Girlfriend/halfsister_! :eek: Wow. If you don’t mind, could you give a few details on how people come to _date their own freaking siblings_? In fact, date them to the point where they _go to weddings togethers_. I’m fascinated. And a little tweaked out. And you guys should send your stories in to [Etiquette Hell](http://www.etiquettehell.com/). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/25 "2004-06-29T05:16:48Z")
Um, if I were you, I’d avoid having a scene at your own wedding and elope. Just get on a plane for Vegas (make sure you say hi to me when you’re here) and not tell anyone. Most of the wedding chapels here will provide witnesses, so that won’t be an issue. Then go home and tell the fam you’re married. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/26 "2004-06-29T05:21:10Z")
I’m confused about a minor detail Here: > [@](#): > > So they all get it calmed down and leave. Then we find out this morning that the groom’s mother is all pissed at the bride and groom because they were at the bar instead of the hotel room that someone paid for for them (Hello, it’s their wedding night, they can go wherever the hell they want! It was only 11:30!). So she’s calling MY mother (her sister) and screaming at her about them, and about how my 17-year-old cousin was at the bar (His parents are Bobby and his wife). HIS PARENTS brought him, for fuck’s sake!! Not my mother! > > So now everyone’s apparently pissed at each other for really stupid, stupid reasons. I’m a little worried - I’m considering putting up a pen at our wedding and sticking them all in it to let them have a fucking cockfight. This is the side of the family that can’t handle their booze, obviously. (I won’t even go into detail about how my aunt, the groom’s grandmother, started drinking hours BEFORE the wedding and cried before the fucking ceremony even started…). > p If the groom’s mother is your mom’s sister, then how can his grandmother be your aunt? _confused_ **MissTake** ’s tale of the girlfriend/half-sister is seriously frightening. AND lacking on details. Spill 'em. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/27 "2004-06-29T06:34:45Z")
**Avabeth** , for the love of all that’s holy, call the caterer/reception site tomorrow and cancel the open bar! ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/28 "2004-06-29T11:34:30Z")
> [@TeaElle](#): > > **Avabeth** , for the love of all that’s holy, call the caterer/reception site tomorrow and cancel the open bar! It won’t work. Seriously. They’ll just do what they did on Saturday and BRING A COOLER. Open bar, cash bar, no bar, they’ll find a way. mr. avabeth has basically said if they pull this stunt at ours, he’ll have them kicked out. He knows how much it upset me, and he said he won’t let them pull these stunts on our day. We’re already prepared for the usual stuff to go wrong, but at least this we can control. Sorry for the confusion, **Guin**. I don’t know why I called the groom’s mother my mom’s sister. The groom’s mother is my mom’s niece. Her mother is my mom’s sister. So the groom is actually my second cousin. My mom and her sister are so far apart in age that we grew up with my second cousins as first cousins, if that makes sense. I have a confusing, large family. Ava ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/29 "2004-06-29T11:42:34Z")
Aw, there’s nothing sweeter than a new bride and groom who are in no hurry to be alone together. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/30 "2004-06-29T11:44:58Z")
Actually every stud farm I have been to refers to as the **breeding shed**. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/31 "2004-06-29T11:51:33Z")
> [@bluethree](#): > > Aw, there’s nothing sweeter than a new bride and groom who are in no hurry to be alone together. Ehh…they’re very in love:). That was quite obvious all day. Plus, it was only like 11 PM, and we just come from a family where the bride and groom will often change and go out with everyone after the wedding for a few hours, especially if it’s an earlier wedding. We’re not. But that’s just because we’ve learned our lesson. Ava ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/32 "2004-06-29T12:35:34Z")
Yeah, the afterparty. I’ve never been at one that erupted in bloodshed. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/33 "2004-06-29T13:56:46Z")
> [@sugaree](#): > > Girlfriend/halfsister? > > Girlfriend…halfsister? > > _Girlfriend/halfsister_! > > :eek: > > Wow. If you don’t mind, could you give a few details on how people come to _date their own freaking siblings_? In fact, date them to the point where they _go to weddings togethers_. I’m fascinated. And a little tweaked out. And you guys should send your stories in to [Etiquette Hell](http://www.etiquettehell.com/). Yes, my ex- brother-in-law is dating and cohabitating with his half sister in a LURVE Jamboree. After their father died, they learned about each others existance. They became friends, then after the e-b-i-l divorced his second wife (not my sister), his (now) GF moved closer to him to caretake him and the kids (NOT my nephews, his other kids). The e-b-i-l is a horrid drunkard. I guess it grew from there. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/34 "2004-06-29T14:03:42Z")
people find a way to display their assholeness, alcohol or not. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/35 "2004-06-29T21:53:35Z")
Second cousins as first-yes, that makes sense. My mom’s favorite cousin as a child was her second cousin, but because there was such a large age difference, the second cousin’s mother, mom’s first, was more like an aunt. Personally, if/when I get married, I’ll be sure and book a hotel room far enough away from the festivities that no one knows about, just to ensure there aren’t any interruptions. (Although if they had left early, people would have complained about that too, right?) ---
**Author:** ![spectrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@spectrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spectrum)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/36 "2004-06-29T22:12:58Z")
> [@ccwaterback](#): > > Isn’t dancing with someone essentially flirting with them? Especially under drunken conditions? You know, I’ve danced with my best friend’s wife many times. He hates dancing, I like formal dancing, and so does she. We also go out to dinner together sometimes. And he doesn’t think I’m flirting with her. What? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/37 "2004-06-29T22:24:59Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Second cousins as first-yes, that makes sense. My mom’s favorite cousin as a child was her second cousin, but because there was such a large age difference, the second cousin’s mother, mom’s first, was more like an aunt. > > Personally, if/when I get married, I’ll be sure and book a hotel room far enough away from the festivities that no one knows about, just to ensure there aren’t any interruptions. (Although if they had left early, people would have complained about that too, right?) My sister is actually my cousin, too - it’s just that my mom practically raised her and is much more of a grandmother to her kids than her own mother (my aunt is a friggin’ nutcase…and my SO wonders why I worry about my own mental health sometimes…I come from a goddamn mental hospital family). So it’s easier to refer to her as my sister, since I basically consider her one anyway. And yes, people would have been pissed no matter what they did. But the only one pissed was the groom’s friggin’ mother! Everyone else was glad that they’d come out. We’ve booked a room at the oldest and nicest hotel in town for our wedding night. And we’re telling people that we’re going to the Marriott. Or possibly the other way around. We’re not sure yet. We just know we’re telling people something totally different from where we’re actually going. I did forget to mention one event at the wedding that was more funny than anything else - although it reinforced our decision to only have children whose parents we trust at our own. A 2 1/2 year old ended up talking through most of the ceremony, then going around the reception pulling her dress up to show everyone her Dora the Explorer underpants. She’d apparently just been potty trained and was incredibly proud of herself. The bride was amused. I’m just glad the kid wasn’t from our family. We had enough to answer for that night. Ava ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/38 "2004-06-30T00:23:31Z")
I have to agree with both **TeaElle** and **TwistofFate** here. Not having an open bar is a good idea. Maybe you could “forget” to tell your family you canceled it and just deal with the bitching about the lack later? Second, people really will be assholes with or without alcohol. My husband and I got married at 9am on a Sunday, and did not provide _any_ alcohol at all. (We don’t drink, so it felt unnecessary to pay for others to get drunk.) Even with this lack, a “friend” of my husband’s deliberately insulted my grandmother at the reception (Oh was this yours? Oh well, think I’ll throw it away anway.), and this was after spending the previous two days insulting myself and my sister. I expected him to insult me; he doesn’t approve of me. But attacking my family just because they are related to me was out of line. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/39 "2004-06-30T00:54:51Z")
> [@BlueKangaroo](#): > > I have to agree with both **TeaElle** and **TwistofFate** here. > > Not having an open bar is a good idea. Maybe you could “forget” to tell your family you canceled it and just deal with the bitching about the lack later? > > Second, people really will be assholes with or without alcohol. My husband and I got married at 9am on a Sunday, and did not provide _any_ alcohol at all. (We don’t drink, so it felt unnecessary to pay for others to get drunk.) Even with this lack, a “friend” of my husband’s deliberately insulted my grandmother at the reception (Oh was this yours? Oh well, think I’ll throw it away anway.), and this was after spending the previous two days insulting myself and my sister. > > I expected him to insult me; he doesn’t approve of me. But attacking my family just because they are related to me was out of line. Wow. What an jackass. I’m sorry that happened. Honestly, though, if we _forget_ to tell them that there’s no bar, they will leave the site, find a bar, get drunk, and return. I’m 100% sure of this. It’s not speculation. Unfortunately, our wedding is in a historical part of town near a historical section with plenty of restaurants and bars. They’ll find a way. And honestly, we don’t drink much, but we’re not looking at it as paying for others to get drunk. 90% of the people attending know how to behave and how to hold their liquor. I do like at least one drink at a wedding because it loosens me up a bit to get on the dance floor. Other than that, I’ve never had more than 2-3 drinks at ANY wedding, and most of our family and friends are the same way. We’re not going to penalize them for the 10% that suck. We do have a security guard there, five burly uncles, six adult male cousins and several close friends who will remove anyone who’s behaving improperly. Besides, after this last stunt, they all seem to be quite remorseful. So with luck, they’ll remember their behavior and be sure to behave appropriately next time. Ava ---
**Author:** ![lachesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@lachesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lachesis)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463/40 "2004-06-30T15:17:32Z")
> [@avabeth](#): > > Besides, after this last stunt, they all seem to be quite remorseful. So with luck, they’ll remember their behavior and be sure to behave appropriately next time. > > Ava at the risk of depressing you, but **BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!** that’s GOT to be the funniest thing said about drunks, _by_ someone familiar with drunks, that i’ve heard in absolute ages. please don’t delude yourself with that thought for an additional nanosecond. i’m truly trying to be helpful, not snarky. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-were-you-raised-in-a-fucking-barn/252463.md?page=3)