# I'm sorry your son's autistic but you stilll need to control him **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812 "2012-06-01T20:49:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/61 "2012-06-06T16:08:41Z")
> [@kushiel](#): > > It’s the SDMB, somebody comes into every damn thread and derails it with semantics. I think only about 50% of threads actually stick to the topic of the OP. Sometimes they even do it with meta-level discussion of threads getting derailed. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/62 "2012-06-06T17:55:27Z")
> [@Yeticus\_Rex](#): > > _Control_…is the wrong choice of words… > > …but I do agree that the mom should have pulled him out the theater if the behavior was ongoing…a few seconds, no big deal…a few minutes, then that’s as bad as cellphone jabberers and talkers who ruin movies. > > I had to do this a few times with my son who is autistic…but if you shoot me a look within 5 seconds without giving me a valid attempt to resolve the situation…I’m gonna shoot back…😉 A few seconds once or twice, is fine. A few seconds every ten minutes is not. YMMV ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/63 "2012-06-06T18:01:22Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > I really like that supermarket-tantrum strategy, Kimstu. I’m stashing it away in case I need it someday, which the odds say I will. > > But that strategy, like most of the good ones, is wayyy clearer and easier when you only have one kid. So far we just have a toddler, so we can afford to take all the time and persistence and repetition that a situation needs. But if you also have a baby who’s screaming with hunger, or another toddler who’s taking tantrum turns with the first one, or another kid who’s been behaving beautifully and doesn’t deserve to go through the whole discipline routine as well, I have no clue what you do. True dat! We only have two children and we often use the ‘divide and conquer’ strategy. We rarely take them out in public without both parents. So, if we are getting the grocery store tantrum problem (though more likely the ‘grocery store bugging incessently about the thing that we are not buying’ problem) one of us grabs the kid and sits them out in the car. (The other child then acts like a perfect angel and gets to help pick out the rest of the groceries, a coveted role.) But when I have them on my own, all hell breaks loose. Okay, not really but it’s less clear cut. Usually, I just give the offending party a quick time out (yeah, wherever I am, even in the store) while second child and I have a nice conversation. That usually works. I have only had to remove both of them (because one was misbehaving) once and since they were buying a treat from the candy store, I just went back with the non-offender later. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/64 "2012-06-06T18:40:36Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > In order to avoid having the noxious behavior reinforced by having the child obtain a desired outcome, there has to be some undesirable consequence also attached to the removal from the grocery store. A loss of privileges, a loss of opportunity for reinforcement… the ideal varies from child to child. Ever told an autistic kid to sit still and/or stop rocking or you are gonna take _x_ away? Or to stop being echolalic? Or padding/pounding on a surface that stimulated his tactile senses? That’s setting him/her up to fail. > [@](#): > > Parents need to be consistent in order to avoid the coercive cycle that may reinforce both parent and child for displaying and giving in to noxious behaviors. It isn’t always easy, especially when the parent likely needed to stay to complete whatever the task was, but when persistent non-compliant or disruptive behavior is a problem for a child, it has to be met consistently and firmly. There certainly are times when my son knows what he’s doing is not appropriate, and we do address that as you have described. But there are other issues/behaviors where this will simply not work no matter how firm you are. You just can’t “ABA” autism away. That is why there is a distinction between between typical child behaviors and autistic behaviors and addressing those differently like I described upthread. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/65 "2012-06-06T18:43:40Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > These Issues become exasperating to engage in at least partly as a result over quibbling over terminology like control/appropriate response or normal/neurotypical, when really everyone understands what is being meant but someone always insists on derailing the discussion based in semantics. > [@kushiel](#): > > It’s the SDMB, somebody comes into every damn thread and derails it with semantics. I think only about 50% of threads actually stick to the topic of the OP. Look at the thread title…you know…the link you click on…if anything, I am the one sticking to the thread while other posters here are trying to lump typical child behaviors alongside with autistic child behaviors and misapplying the idea that those can be controlled like any other behavior. Again, I state the mother in the OP dropped the ball on this one, but the kid’s behavior that was labeled “autistic” by the OP is a deeper issue than just a typical behavior, and gets a pass here. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/66 "2012-06-06T19:36:59Z")
> [@Yeticus\_Rex](#): > > Ever told an autistic kid to sit still and/or stop rocking or you are gonna take _x_ away? Or to stop being echolalic? Or padding/pounding on a surface that stimulated his tactile senses? That’s setting him/her up to fail. > There certainly are times when my son knows what he’s doing is not appropriate, and we do address that as you have described. But there are other issues/behaviors where this will simply not work no matter how firm you are. You just can’t “ABA” autism away. That is why there is a distinction between between typical child behaviors and autistic behaviors and addressing those differently like I described upthread. Yes. Autistic children do not respond in the same manner. This is true. I’m very sorry that your child suffers from the disorder, and my heart goes out to you. However, ABA or discrete trial training is certainly the best way to achieve change for kids with PDD, and the behavioral principles are very much the same. You can increase time in/tolerance of non-preferred activities, and you can reduce time spent in stim behavior. It may take much time and effort, depending on where a given child starts, but doing nothing takes a lot longer. And simply letting a child tantrun in public will not yeild desirable behavior, autism or otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/67 "2012-06-06T20:12:56Z")
Parent of a child with autism here. If I thought my daughter couldn’t handle going to the movies I wouldn’t take her. If she had an issue, either behavioral or sensory, I’d remove her immediately. There’s no excuse not to. However some adults should know that we aren’t all there to cater to their needs either. Noises can’t be helped sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/68 "2012-06-07T02:12:24Z")
You should have called the cops and they would have carted her off to psych as an EDP. She was at least a danger to others–jumping after a guy using the slicer. This isn’t someone who is going to look up a shrink or walk in to an ER on her own. She’s a menace. Just saying should anybody run into such a situation. > [@monstro](#): > > It may have been that she had Tourette’s with paranoid schizophrenia or just schizophrenia alone–a disease associated with its own motor abnormalities. Tourette’s would not explain that kind of behavior. ---
**Author:** ![cynyc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@cynyc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cynyc)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2012, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812/69 "2012-06-07T02:15:11Z")
The mother must be very, very burned out. Sad. > [@Yeticus\_Rex](#): > > Look at the thread title…you know…the link you click on…if anything, I am the one sticking to the thread while other posters here are trying to lump typical child behaviors alongside with autistic child behaviors and misapplying the idea that those can be controlled like any other behavior. > > Again, I state the mother in the OP dropped the ball on this one, but the kid’s behavior that was labeled “autistic” by the OP is a deeper issue than just a typical behavior, and gets a pass here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-sorry-your-sons-autistic-but-you-stilll-need-to-control-him/623812.md?page=3)