# I'm starting a new political party **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 10, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612 "2009-07-10T22:20:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/1 "2009-07-10T22:20:33Z")
What with all the crazy governers in the news, I am fed up with the whole lot of whining self-centered hypocritical lying pond scum. Actually, the pols that aren’t in the news are often just as bad. Really, I think we should ship all the Pubs and Dems off to Siberia (or possibly Mars) and start over again. Since that’s not practical, I’m starting my own party. My party is going to be called the Sensible Acountable Nonpartisan Ethical Party, or the SANE Party for short. We’ll take anyone, left, right or center, but you’ll have to abide by certain guidelines. **RATIONAL DISCOURSE** **Fact- Based Arguments.** SANE politicians will be expected to back up their posistion with logical arguments. Mouthing patriotic catchphrases while somehow avoiding actual discussion is NOT acceptable. RIGHT: “I believe that we should have universal health care, because there are many people who can’t afford basic medicine.” RIGHT: “I belive we shouldn’t have universal health care because such systems tend to be inefficiant and slow.” WRONG: “As a proud American who kisses the flag first thing every morning when he gets up, I say that private health care is our God-given right as Americans! Those bleeding-heart socialist liberals want to turn us into Canadians, but by God Almighty, they won’t succeed.” **Personal Attacks.** In a word, don’t. It’s beneath your dignity, and it won’t help anything. Also, your political opponents? They, for the most part, are only trying to do what they think is best for their country. Really, they’re not fire-breathing socialists/facists/terrorists hell-bent on destroying America. You don’t have to agree with them- that’s why they’re your opponents in the first place- but your problem should be with the viewpoint, not the person: RIGHT: “Senator Smartypants says that we should spend five million dollars on research into national frongulation. However, we’ve been waiting ten years for the frongulaters to come up with an affordable plan. Instead of throwing our money after a pipedream, let’s instead invest in the quadular otoobal method.” WRONG: “Again, Senator Smartypants wants to throw away taxpayers’ hard-earned money on her pet project. Remember, Smartypants once had an affair with her hairdresser’s brother’s wife’s school teacher’s pet poodle. With a track record like that, it is really suprising that she continues to throw good money after bad?” **Also, I’m adding an addendum to Godwin’s Law**. It’s called Dubya’s Law: “He who cries ‘terrorists’ loses the debate”. There is a time and place to discuss terrorism and that’s when nutbags with beards are blowing themselves up in shopping malls. Otherwise, it’s really getting to be annoying. RIGHT: “There is a terrorist training camp in the Nowherestani mountains. The terrorists are affiliated with Hizbullah. Fifteen Nowherestani soldiers were killed by terrorists blah blah blah.” WRONG: “Governer Goldilocks disagrees with me slightly on foreign policy! She’s letting the terrorists win!” If you’re going to accuse someone of “palling around with terrorists”, then by gawd, you’d better have a video of him playing Parcheesi with Bin Laden. Otherwise, you’ll be getting a nighttime visit from the Hyperbole Enforcers. Repeat offenders will be politely asked to leave the party. After the first few times, they will be asked not-so-politely. Need I mention that we won’t be writing attack ads? I didn’t think so. **SCANDALS** \*\*Operation Closet Cleaner. \*\*Any SANE candidate, before running, will be locked in a room for an hour with a piece of paper. He (or she) will write down all the potentially scandalous incidents and pecadillos he can think of of. The party bigwigs will look over the list before deciding to let him run. Anything major, the candidate has to let the public know. The “I made a big mistake, and I’m ashamed, but my wife and I are determined to get past the incident blah blah standing with me blah blah” speech should be given before the election, not in the middle of the term. If you “forget” to include major details like embezzling fifty thousand dollars or having a long term affair with a sheep that was not your wife or fathering Michael Jackson’s children, and it comes out… tough. You’re on your own. **Hypocrisy.** If you must go around moralizing at the public, at least have the decency to practice what you preach, okay? When the anti-drug crusader is found unconscious in a gutter with a needle in his arm, that’s not funny. (At least, it’s not funny for the party. Ordinary citizens probably think it’s hillarious). Anyone who wants to be part of a values committee, or a values crusade or a values anything will be shadowed for two weeks by a private detective. If a Values Person does get caught naked with a transvestite goat, we never heard of you before. Look, SANE isn’t judgemental. You can go around boinking a different secretary every week or whatever, as long as you make it clear to the public that you’re not too big on this whole monogamy thing. But don’t lecture people on the sanctity of marriage at the same time. **Earmarks, Pork, Etc.** You can ask congress for whatever the heck you want. However, each week a few random taxpayers are going to be brought in and shown all the bills you’ve passed. If ten people think there’s a problem with the way you’re using two thousand dollars of goverment money to redecorate your living room, maybe you shouldn’t. Okay, who’s with me? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/2 "2009-07-10T22:45:24Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > \*\*Operation Closet Cleaner. \*\*Any SANE candidate, before running, will be locked in a room for an hour with a piece of paper. He (or she) will write down all the potentially scandalous incidents and pecadillos he can think of of. > **Hypocrisy.** If you must go around moralizing at the public, at least have the decency to practice what you preach, okay? Hey, I’ve got the _perfect_ guy to run for President as a SANE Party candidate! \*\*[Former State Official Using the Alias “God O Thunder” Admits To Pimping 17-year-old Prostitute On Craigslist\*\*](http://www.dispatchpolitics.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2009/07/10/copy/mcfadden.ART_ART_07-10-09_B1_R2EEBFK.html?sid=101): \*Before joining the administration (of Ohio Governor Strickland), Robert McFadden served as field director for Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good. He was hired in February 2007 to lead the Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives. Detectives said McFadden was one of the men involved in a hooker-review Web site that spawned what police called a raffle for sex last fall and the creation of a Brewery District brothel. Police had arrested an academic adviser at Ohio State University, a sex-abuse caseworker at Franklin County Children Services and a real-estate agent in connection with the brothel.\* The sex-abuse caseworker can be McFadden’s running mate. “We’ll get teenaged girls off the street and into useful activities.” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/3 "2009-07-10T23:05:39Z")
Oh, I forgot: Bribery will be dealt with Saudi-style. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/4 "2009-07-10T23:44:00Z")
0.1% of the population will vote for your guy. The rest will vote for the guy who tells them appealing lies - or at least resorts to emotionally stimulating rhetoric. ---
**Author:** ![BugMeNot2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e5b9ba/32.png) [@BugMeNot2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BugMeNot2)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/5 "2009-07-10T23:49:19Z")
You sound like a bunch of left-wing nutbars. Do any of you vote Republican? If not, shut up. Why does everyone who wants to explain what’s wrong with politics have a personal philosophy that’s left of Stalin and Castro? I’d like to hear what’s wrong with the system from someone who, let’s say, voted for Reagan. Or Bush. Or anyone to the right of George McGovern. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/6 "2009-07-10T23:54:48Z")
> [@BugMeNot2](#): > > You sound like a bunch of left-wing nutbars. I did? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/7 "2009-07-10T23:59:21Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Oh, I forgot: Bribery will be dealt with Saudi-style. So “[baksheesh](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baksheesh)” will become an American-ism? 😉 As much as I like your idea and want to subscribe to your newsletter, I’m afraid as a political party it’s a non-starter. People want an emotional connection with their candidates. They want Bill Clinton to feel their pain (but not their daughters! :eek: ), they want to have a beer with Dubya, and they want “No Drama” Obama to get us through crises. People do not approach politics rationally, they rationalize their politics. At least, I do. However, a blog that posts logical analysis of politician’s speeches and statements might be fun. It might get some traction - think of all the people who followed [fivethirtyeight.com](http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/) this past election cycle. You could almost automate it. Maybe. Well, for those few statements whose sentence diagrams do not look like [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Spaghetti.jpg). ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ichini\_Sanshigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/d9b06d/32.png) [@Ichini\_Sanshigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichini_Sanshigo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/8 "2009-07-11T00:01:04Z")
> [@BugMeNot2](#): > > You sound like a bunch of left-wing nutbars. > > Do any of you vote Republican? If not, shut up. > > Why does everyone who wants to explain what’s wrong with politics have a personal philosophy that’s left of Stalin and Castro? > > I’d like to hear what’s wrong with the system from someone who, let’s say, voted for Reagan. Or Bush. Or anyone to the right of George McGovern. Is that a tacit admission that Republicans are a bunch of illogical, irrational, emotion-appealing-to, scandal-wallowing hypocrites? Because the OP sounded pretty damn non-partisan to me. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/9 "2009-07-11T00:01:16Z")
I’m joining the [Scorched Earth Party!](http://www.armory.com/~crisper/Scorch/)🙂 > [@](#): > > Here at the Scorched Earth Party, we are dedicated to a few simple principles: > > - that the concept of “life is sacred” is the best joke we’ve heard this year. > > - that nothing satisfies like clubbing some moron to death with a lead pipe. > > - that you can never get laid enough. > > - that the world will continue to deteriorate until 90% of its population is eliminated. > > True happiness will never be yours unless you rise up with us. Join the 10% with the lead pipes. Help save the world through random, messy violence, and then wallow in carnal pleasure among the ruins. ---
**Author:** ![BugMeNot2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e5b9ba/32.png) [@BugMeNot2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BugMeNot2)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/10 "2009-07-11T00:02:50Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > I did? Sort of, with your implying the elecorate is dumb. Gonna use the word “sheeple”? Anyway I’m sure you’re a lefty compared to ME. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/11 "2009-07-11T00:03:33Z")
> [@BugMeNot2](#): > > Why does everyone who wants to explain what’s wrong with politics have a personal philosophy that’s left of Stalin and Castro? What the hell are you talking about? > [@BugMeNot2](#): > > I’d like to hear what’s wrong with the system from someone who, let’s say, voted for Reagan. Or Bush. Or anyone to the right of George McGovern. And your evidence that the OP didn’t vote for Reagan or Bush is…? Oh, that’s right, you can just _tell_. > [@BugMeNot2](#): > > Anyway I’m sure you’re a lefty compared to ME. Sounds like anybody to the left of Mussolini is. ---
**Author:** ![BugMeNot2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e5b9ba/32.png) [@BugMeNot2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BugMeNot2)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/12 "2009-07-11T00:04:23Z")
> [@Ichini\_Sanshigo](#): > > Is that a tacit admission that Republicans are a bunch of illogical, irrational, emotion-appealing-to, scandal-wallowing hypocrites? Because the OP sounded pretty damn non-partisan to me. Shut up. He sounded like a lefty douchebag to me. Only lefty douchebags complain about “the system”. Don’t like it? CANADA BECKONS. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/13 "2009-07-11T00:09:24Z")
Well, that certainly is a convincing argument. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/14 "2009-07-11T00:12:51Z")
> [@BugMeNot2](#): > > Shut up. He sounded like a lefty douchebag to me. > > Only lefty douchebags complain about “the system”. Don’t like it? CANADA BECKONS. You’re an unamerican coward. Fixing problems in the system is why this country is great. If mindless drones like you want to eat shit and grin while wrapped in the flag, this country will prosper despite your apathy, not because of it. Lulz. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/15 "2009-07-11T00:15:52Z")
This **bugmenot2** character sounds like a Fair and Balanced individual… ---
**Author:** ![BugMeNot2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e5b9ba/32.png) [@BugMeNot2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BugMeNot2)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/16 "2009-07-11T00:16:53Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > You’re an unamerican coward. Is that better or worse than a patriotic coward? > [@Lobohan](#): > > Fixing problems in the system is why this country is great. If mindless drones like you want to eat shit and grin while wrapped in the flag, this country will prosper despite your apathy, not because of it. Have you died yet? If not, could you hurry it up, please? > [@Lobohan](#): > > Lulz. Your very existence provides them. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/17 "2009-07-11T00:18:52Z")
no u ---
**Author:** ![BugMeNot2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e5b9ba/32.png) [@BugMeNot2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BugMeNot2)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/18 "2009-07-11T00:22:02Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > no u lol wut? ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/19 "2009-07-11T00:23:00Z")
Can we form a new country? we leave all the BugMeNot2s out and politics like the OP describes will rise on their own. ---
**Author:** ![Lobohan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobohan/32/79_2.png) [@Lobohan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobohan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612/20 "2009-07-11T00:26:13Z")
The sad part is this is what republicans have come to. _This_! I understand that there is a place for a moderating force in society. We need conservatives to balance out the liberals and keep them from reaching too far. But because the conservatives in America have become laughable pastiches, cobbled together from what ten years ago would have been outrageous parodies of themselves. The lunatics run the asylum and low-grade morons like BugMeNot2, outright liars like Starving Artist and reflexive angry little men like Shodan are all that is left to speak for them. It’s fucking scary. I’m as liberal as anyone, but their need to be dissenting voices and they need to be rational. It’s pathetic. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-a-new-political-party/502612.md?page=2)