# I'm starting my own country **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2004, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655 "2004-12-02T04:45:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/41 "2004-12-03T00:07:07Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > All right **Picker** , but here are my rules concerning the creation of music. > > Musicians are allowed to produce 1 and only 1 song a year. This song must be honed to perfection. Each musician is allowed 1 and only 1 bad song. If they produce a bad song twice, their music license is revoked and they must get a real job. If the song really sucks, will you send the composer my way? ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/42 "2004-12-03T03:13:02Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > Pick me! Pick me! I wanna be in charge of Homeland Perversity, right here! Me! Me! I thought we’d all kind of handle that one. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/43 "2004-12-03T03:51:19Z")
Oooooh, give me something! Please! I’m not sure what yet, but I want to be in charge of something too! ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/44 "2004-12-03T05:32:53Z")
Can I be vice-president…er…vice roy… ya know, the second guy in charge? I can be virtually free of ethical consideration, so I would be the perfect man to take care of your evil doings, should you have them. What I’m envisioning is a Darth Vader-like position of keeping the locals in line and enforcing your rule. My other skills, should they be needed, include recitation of mostly useless information, plotting, and turning various 'n sundry forms of food into various 'n sundry forms of waste products. I don’t do windows. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/45 "2004-12-03T06:11:25Z")
The _Ministry of Networks, Wireless Communications, And Little Gadgets With Blinking Blue Lights. Oh, And Big-Screen TVs And DVD Players. Heck, Why Not The Whole Video And Filmmaking Infrastructure While We’re At It?_, as its first official act, announces a name change. From now on, it will be known as the _Ministry of Mass Distraction._ Sincerely, **Sunspace** Minister for Mass Distraction ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/46 "2004-12-03T06:25:28Z")
I want to be Chief or Head or whatever-you-call-it of Looking at People Funny Over the Top of My Large Tome. It’s one of my few skills, so I could start right away. Or would I rather be part of the secret police force? So hard to decide. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/47 "2004-12-03T06:37:33Z")
Nuts. All the good ones are taken. I’ll be Secretary of Toys, Games and all things Magic. Unofficially I’d like to hold the post of Head Researcher of Multiple Orgasms for Guys. :eek: \<— Orgasm smiley ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/48 "2004-12-03T06:45:44Z")
Can I be a sherriff? I can arrest Loki before he kills Balder the Beautiful. I mean, Loki’s already got a long rap sheet and since I’ve already read the book and know how the story ends I can ward it off by throwing Loki in the slammer for a little while. You Nordic gods will have a few more years to play if you just elect me sherriff. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/49 "2004-12-03T08:24:02Z")
Arrest Jormungand too while you’re at it. I’ve never liked the look of him. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/50 "2004-12-03T11:02:49Z")
> [@picker](#): > > I would like to apply for the post of “Official Court Composer.” I would also head the **Ministry of Cultural Purity: Music Division** Since I’ve been approved as Court Jester I better add a qualifier. The first time I hear “Dance for me Monkey Boy” I shall immediately resign. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/51 "2004-12-03T11:05:15Z")
> [@picker](#): > > In addition to sitting around playing music all day, I would work closely with **duffer** ’s **BPB&S** ( **Bureau of Pot, Booze and Smokes** ) performing random quality control checks on the substances that pass through the borders of the kingdom. Oh, and I’m still waiting for confirmation to this post. **odinoneeye**? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![hildea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ebca7d/32.png) [@hildea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hildea)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/52 "2004-12-03T12:54:11Z")
> [@KRC](#): > > Can I be a sherriff? I can arrest Loki before he kills Balder the Beautiful. You do know that Loki is Odin’s blood brother, right? While Balder is just a wimpy Kvitekrist-lookalike. If any norse god is on the verge of starting a boy band, it would be Balder. Killing is too good for him, I say. > [@Maus Magill](#): > > I’d cut my right hand for the position of Justice Minister in Asgard. Shouldn’t that be Minister of War? Or chief dog catcher? I want to be Chief Crone. I’ll mutter obscure prophecies and cackle evilly (I may have to practise my cackle a bit). I can quote parts of Havamal and various sagas imperfeclty, impress the culturally challenged with half-rembered bits of norse mythology, and help **SandyHook** when his/her job gets too hectic. \*muttermutter “minister” HAH! “secretary” HAH! In _my_ time we didn’t have these wimpy newfangled titles muttermuttergrumblegrumble just you wait till (umwhatwasthenameofthatdragon,Nidsomething) comes to eat you all! \* - cacklecacklecackle \* ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/53 "2004-12-03T12:58:11Z")
> [@Cunctator](#): > > \*\*Odinoneeye \*\* - you should have a chat with HRH Prince Leonard of [the Hutt River Province.](http://www.huttriver.net/) He claims to have seceded from the Commonwealth of Australia in 1970. I used to work for the HRP ambassador! I’m serious. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/54 "2004-12-03T12:58:35Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > I thought we’d all kind of handle that one. But I can take care of Homeland Perversity with lots of pomp and circumstance. I can come up with all sorts of new legislation like the Pervert Act so we can feel boobies/have our boobies felt at all the airports and… oh, wait… But I could still give it panache! Yeah, Homeland Perversity with panache! I’ll legislate panache. We’ll all have to be panacheful pervs, it’ll be fabulous! It will involve bright colours, confetti, body glitter, a disco/club extended remix of our national anthem _O Asgard_… aw, c’mon… _sulks_ I would’ve made a good Director of Homeland Perversity. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/55 "2004-12-03T13:10:38Z")
> [@hildea](#): > > You do know that Loki is Odin’s blood brother, right? While Balder is just a wimpy Kvitekrist-lookalike. If any norse god is on the verge of starting a boy band, it would be Balder. Killing is too good for him, I say. Actually, while Loki is one of the Aesir, it isn’t by blood, but by adoption. He’s a Jotun by birth, being born to Farbauti and Laufey, two giants. > [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > But I can take care of Homeland Perversity with lots of pomp and circumstance. I can come up with all sorts of new legislation like the Pervert Act so we can feel boobies/have our boobies felt at all the airports and… oh, wait… > > But I could still give it panache! Yeah, Homeland Perversity with panache! I’ll legislate panache. We’ll all have to be panacheful pervs, it’ll be fabulous! It will involve bright colours, confetti, body glitter, a disco/club extended remix of our national anthem _O Asgard_… aw, c’mon… > _sulks_ > > I would’ve made a good Director of Homeland Perversity. Consider it done then. I’ll handle Allfader. ---
**Author:** ![Iceland\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@Iceland\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iceland_Blue)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/56 "2004-12-03T13:13:56Z")
I wish to be head of the Thought Police. Do you hear me? I will be head of the Thought Police. Or else… I know you want me to be. And I will be above prosecution.Deal? And since this is a separate country, surely all ideas posted in this thread will be subject to its laws and rules. Yay! Go rape! Go murder! Go pillage! They can’t touch you for it! ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/57 "2004-12-03T14:18:27Z")
> [@hildea](#): > > Shouldn’t that be Minister of War? Or chief dog catcher? Well, since all the Aesir were pretty much war gods… I’ll take dog catcher. I like dogs… except for that Garm cur. Never liked the looks of him. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/58 "2004-12-03T15:35:05Z")
Howz about a Director of Communicatios with The Rest Of The World? I spel reel good, and know howz to use a fax, telefone, and address an envelope. Most of the time, at least. ---
**Author:** ![iggy\_popov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@iggy\_popov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iggy_popov)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655/59 "2004-12-03T18:52:58Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > Howz about a Director of Communicatios with The Rest Of The World? I spel reel good, and know howz to use a fax, telefone, and address an envelope. Most of the time, at least. I think it’s spelled _facks_ Your position has just been overthrown. I am now your only link to the real world (10 cents for the first ten minutes of real world contact 5 cents for each additional minute) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-my-own-country/277655.md?page=2)