# I'm starting to go bald, and it makes me feel like a worse person. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 12, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201 "2013-12-12T22:30:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/21 "2013-12-13T00:49:21Z")
Then there are those of us who are bald by choice. My hair is still completely there, but I have prefered to shave my head these last 12 years or so. It’s amazing how freeing it is. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/22 "2013-12-13T01:05:17Z")
You do know how ridiculous you sound, right? You’re losing your hair, not your life. Some perspective might be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/23 "2013-12-13T01:05:49Z")
> [@Neo-Calredic](#): > > Other men in my position, how did you deal with this? And ladies, what are your thoughts on bald(ing) men? Any suggestions on how to update my look to (hopefully) avoid feeling like a middle-aged doofus are more than welcome as well. I’m 29 and keep what’s left of my hair buzzed to 3/16ths of an inch. My suggestion is to not try to suck it up and be a man about it. Losing your hair is a pretty significant loss for you. I don’t personally care anymore but I got this way by letting myself feel sad that I was never going to have a nice head of hair again. Practically speaking I think the only look that makes any sense is to buzz it really short (or take it completely off with a razor). That way you’ll be a bald man and not a middle aged doofus. Being a bald man isn’t fantastic, but frankly it’s not the worst. I’d rather be bald with barely visible blonde hair than a red head with a full firey head of hair, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![Neo-Calredic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/96bed5/32.png) [@Neo-Calredic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neo-Calredic)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/24 "2013-12-13T01:33:19Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > You do know how ridiculous you sound, right? You’re losing your hair, not your life. Some perspective might be helpful. Here’s my perspective: Something is happening to me that makes me feel worse about myself and I have no real control over it. All I can do is try and come to terms with it, which I’m attempting to do (though not very successfully). I value my appearance, and I think this makes me look dumb, simple as that. In a cosmic sense it’s not remotely important, and it’s not as if I’m dying or anything. That said, I’m not sure why it’s ridiculous to feel insecure about something like this and want to vent a little. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/25 "2013-12-13T01:38:35Z")
> [@Neo-Calredic](#): > > Here’s my perspective: Something is happening to me that makes me feel worse about myself and I have no real control over it. All I can do is try and come to terms with it, which I’m attempting to do (though not very successfully). I value my appearance, and I think this makes me look dumb, simple as that. > > In a cosmic sense it’s not remotely important, and it’s not as if I’m dying or anything. That said, I’m not sure why it’s ridiculous to feel insecure about something like this and want to vent a little. As you say, you have very little control over it. Maybe there’s some other part of your appearance you _do_ have control over that you could improve? Focussing on that may help. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/26 "2013-12-13T01:40:00Z")
> [@Neo-Calredic](#): > > Here’s my perspective: Something is happening to me that makes me feel worse about myself and I have no real control over it. All I can do is try and come to terms with it, which I’m attempting to do (though not very successfully). I value my appearance, and I think this makes me look dumb, simple as that. > > In a cosmic sense it’s not remotely important, and it’s not as if I’m dying or anything. That said, I’m not sure why it’s ridiculous to feel insecure about something like this and want to vent a little. I guess the part that doesn’t make sense is "makes me feel worse about myself. " Your hair–or lack of it–isn’t your self. It’s just hair. Your hair is a small part of your appearance, which is a tiny part of you. Your feelings about yourself should be based on who you are as a person, not something as petty as your appearance. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/27 "2013-12-13T01:55:24Z")
Look to cool bald guys as your role models. Michael Jordan. Andre Agassi. Emulate their style. ---
**Author:** ![Neo-Calredic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/96bed5/32.png) [@Neo-Calredic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neo-Calredic)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/28 "2013-12-13T01:59:05Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > I guess the part that doesn’t make sense is "makes me feel worse about myself. " Your hair–or lack of it–isn’t your self. It’s just hair. Your hair is a small part of your appearance, which is a tiny part of you. Your feelings about yourself should be based on who you are as a person, not something as petty as your appearance. That’s fair, and I acknowledge that you’re completely right about that. I wish I could completely divest one from the other, but I’m not quite able to do so just yet. I wouldn’t think less someone else for something they obviously have no control over, but I can’t seem to grant myself the same courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/29 "2013-12-13T02:07:35Z")
I think I was in my 40s when I started balding, but it’s really accelerated in my 50s. The secret is not caring. It happens! Own it. I may end up shaving my head if it gets bad enough, but I’m just not vain enough to care much about how it looks. My wife does kind of wonder how I’d look sporting a Walter White appearance. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/30 "2013-12-13T02:08:11Z")
Google “handsome bald men”. Google “comb-over”. Shave your head. [Kiss your wife’s somewhat overweight abdomen.] ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/31 "2013-12-13T02:19:10Z")
My boyfriend turned 30 today and is already totally bald on the top. I don’t care. You shouldn’t, either. Shave it all off if it makes you self-conscious! ---
**Author:** ![Washoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecae2f/32.png) [@Washoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washoe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/32 "2013-12-13T02:28:17Z")
> [@Neo-Calredic](#): > > Hmm. I might be able to rock the “Heisenberg” look. 😉 000 all around, bitch. 🆒 I’ve been sporting the El Domo for about four years now and love it. You don’t have to do anything after you get out of the shower. You don’t even have to towel dry your head if you don’t want to—it’ll dry by itself in less than a minute! You’ll get compliments from girls young enough to be your daughter (at least I do). You will scoff at the wind. Freedom from hair is the best thing that’s happened to me this millennium (aside from meeting my adorable wife). > [@Rachellelogram](#): > > My boyfriend turned 30 today and is already totally bald on the top. I don’t care. You shouldn’t, either. Shave it all off if it makes you self-conscious! Fuckin’ A! Tell him happy birthday for me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/33 "2013-12-13T02:29:58Z")
Hmm. Just thought of this- The first time I realized how bald I was was when I was in a convenience store buying cigarettes. The place had a color closed circuit TV showing off the new security system. I looked up at the TV and saw a balding guy with longish hair standing behind me. Funny, I thought, I didn’t notice anybody behind me, so I looked, and slowly realized the bald dude was ME. My stomach sank a few feet. No, not me!! All day long, people treated me the same as they had the day before. I thought about it a while and realized that the only person who didn’t know what the back of my head looked like was me. That’s when I realized that everybody liked me just as I was, bald crown and everything. Never worried about it again. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/34 "2013-12-13T02:43:02Z")
I honestly don’t understand how something that is genetically programmed into you could be a cause of embarrassment. I mean, what could you do to circumvent it? I think all reasonably intelligent people on the planet understand that this is beyond your control, and although you may think you look goofy, no one else will. We are all far too critical of our own appearance, of which not many other people care one way or the other. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/35 "2013-12-13T03:12:11Z")
I think people are well-intentioned when they say stuff like “Why the hell should you care?” But the OP knows there’s no real reason for him to care. It still doesn’t change his feelings. There are a lot of things about us that we can’t help, that we know we can’t help, that we know no one cares about, and yet still manage to elicit embarrassment in us. It’s not about “right” or “wrong”. It just is. And it’s normal and perfectly fine to feel embarrassed. It doesn’t mean you’re vain or weak or neurotic. It just means you’re human. **Neo-Calredic** , I think if I were a guy going bald, I’d feel sad too. Even though it’s completely normal thing, that doesn’t mean it’s normal for you. Just like even though being fat is a normal thing, I don’t blame people for being sad about the way they look. The truth is that both fatness and baldness are stigmitized. It doesn’t matter that an insane number of people experience both conditions. One thing that may help is just giving yourself time. It takes a while for the worrying part of your mind to learn that no one really notices your flaws as much as you do. It takes even longer to realize that even people who do notice aren’t really thinking about it that much. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/36 "2013-12-13T03:16:47Z")
It’s kind of sexy when you get past a certain age, and once this gray hair starts coming in more and more, I hope I can be confident about it as well. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/37 "2013-12-13T03:44:24Z")
My hair slowly started thinning in my early thirties and my hairline receded a bit. Not enough to anyone to really classify me as balding, but I knew. I never thought I’d ever be able to pull off shaved head but I went for it and look much much better. I’ve been told I pull it off well and have a good shape head. Wife wouldn’t let me grow my hair back now even if I wanted to. I look at pics of me from just a few years back and think I looked like a douche with Ross from friends bangs. I’m 37 btw and started buzzing it to a half guard about two years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/38 "2013-12-13T03:45:01Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Just like even though being fat is a normal thing, I don’t blame people for being sad about the way they look. Being fat isn’t a normal thing; are you kidding me? Being fat is a choice; being bald is not. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/39 "2013-12-13T04:17:24Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I honestly don’t understand how something that is genetically programmed into you could be a cause of embarrassment. I mean, what could you do to circumvent it? Penis size is the classic example in men, breast size in women. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2013, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201/40 "2013-12-13T04:48:56Z")
I do rock the Heisenberg look. My baldness began as a patchy alopecia type and my one rule was that I do not mind going bald but I do mind looking stupid going bald. (Trying to cover it up, etc.) I buzz the whole thing down once a week; shaving was too much work. FWIW my wife does NOT say it doesn’t bother her at all and I am just as attractive as I always was. She says she had fallen in love with my full head of curly hair and she misses it. It was, to her, my best feature. Hey, after 4 kids and spending more than half of our lives together I can handle that! Honey? Tough shit. (Let’s face it, that’s one of the nicest things she says to me … :)) My oldest son, at 27, is quite pattern bald. He buzzes down too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-starting-to-go-bald-and-it-makes-me-feel-like-a-worse-person/676201.md?page=3)