# I'm Tired of Having to Justify My Disability **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2019, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118 "2019-10-22T02:37:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/61 "2019-10-24T13:39:50Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@Dinsdale](#): > > Blah-blah-blah. You don’t have to “justify your disability” - unless you are asking for something from someone. Who do you have to “justify your disability” to and for what? And how do you define “disability?” > > I, for one, couldn’t give a rat’s ass whether you perceive yourself as “disabled” or not. While you are generally free to express your opinion on the topic, this post and many of your subsequent post are taking things way too far, to the point where you are basically harassing the OP. This thread is about venting frustrations, it’s not a debate about disabilities. Feel free to start your own thread if you’d like, but don’t threadshit and don’t belittle the OP. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/62 "2019-10-24T13:41:03Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@monstro](#): > > **Dinsdale** , STFU. Please. Don’t tell others to STFU in MPSIMS. Even if you say Please. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/63 "2019-10-24T13:57:29Z")
I got the different reaction when I messed up my left hand. People were telling me to go for disability, based on the hand and my general quirkiness. Hey, it was my left hand and I’ve been weird all my life. I can work and I want to work, and you’re telling me to live on the government’s dime? One of the main things in my life that makes me feel good about myself is the ability to take care of myself by myself and you want to take that away? BULLSHIT! Of course, I proved them wrong by taking a temporary part-time holiday job as a store cashier six years ago. Yes, I am now permanent and full time. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/64 "2019-10-24T16:32:34Z")
My late spouse was told several times in his life he made a mistake by not going immediately onto disability but rather trying to work for a living. He was told this _by people whose job it is do evaluate people for benefits_. So… is it any wonder, with that sort of advice from professionals, that some people do opt for disability first and rehab second? Meanwhile, my spouse is trying to get a job but getting turned down, setting up his own business when he couldn’t get hired, and so on… but still being told he’s being a fool for doing so. I think he was happier being employed, and later being an entrepreneur, even with all the downsides and problems. Hey, you just can’t win. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/65 "2019-10-24T18:24:56Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I’ve had customers who have stated “I don’t want small talk” when I’m ringing them up. In which case I nod and say nothing other than “Here is your change, have a nice day” at the end of it all. I’m sorry, I find this a little rude (not you, **Broomstick** , the customer). The cashier is performing a service for me, standing up for an eight-hour shift or whatever, the interaction is at most five minutes (unless it’s the monthly grocery shopping), why can’t the customer be at least a little nice? To dump your milk and eggs on the belt and brusquely tell the employee “No small talk” seems high-handed, like you’re treating the cashier as a peon rather than a fellow human being. I’ve worked in retail. Getting snapped at by customers can be very draining. A little “Fine, thank you” and “Yes, I found everything” can go a long way. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/66 "2019-10-24T19:17:07Z")
No, but some people can’t bring themselves to expend even a minimal effort to be polite, much less kind. So I will try to get through the transaction with as little friction as possible. Also rude are people who are talking on the phone the entire time to someone else. In fact, I can find them more irritating than people who are just _silent_. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/67 "2019-10-24T19:27:40Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I was going to be “Wheelchair Superman” (aka Retarded Superman). I was going to dress as the superhero, while being pushed by a “nurse” (a friends costume) and when i came to the door, I’d yell inappropriately loudly, “Twick ohh Tweeet!” And I’d get giant helpings of candy from people with giant smiles on their faces saying things like “oh well arent you an inspiration!” Was this before [Handi Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkQQGsOegv0)? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/68 "2019-10-25T13:48:15Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > No, but some people can’t bring themselves to expend even a minimal effort to be polite, much less kind. So I will try to get through the transaction with as little friction as possible. > > Also rude are people who are talking on the phone the entire time to someone else. In fact, I can find them more irritating than people who are just _silent_. I’m a store cashier who loves interacting with children. However, if the child doesn’t respond, I immediately shut up. No sense forcing the kid to talk to me, basically a stranger. As for the device junkies, I gave up that battle a long time ago. Some people are just addicted to technology, and cannot leave it alone for two minutes! I once had a customer complain to the manager because she was texting while standing on my line, and I called her to the register instead of patiently waiting for her to finish sending her '“important” text. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/69 "2019-10-25T15:00:21Z")
> [@kitap](#): > > When I worked fast food a family came in one day with a child who.was in a wheelchair and had difficulties speaking. The kid was the only one ordering so I paid attention to the kid and after a bit of frowning on my part and requests to repeat the order I got it right. One of the adults came up to me later and thanked me for focussing on the kid and not turning to an adult and asking. > > That made me re-evaluate how I dealt with disabled people before ( not the best) and made me much more aware of how I deal now. Although I still want to scream “out your damned hearing aids in!” to an elderly regular who we all know has hearing aids but refuses to wear them for whatever reason . Major props to you for how you handled the kid. I might subtract a few points on the hearing aid perception, though. I’ll add them back in because you apparently kept your remarks to yourself. Hearing aids do NOT correct hearing loss as effectively as glasses correct vision. With glasses, I can see 20/20. Without them, I run into walls. I have the most powerful hearing aid on the market, and I’m still woefully hearing impaired. A hearing aid gives amplification, and I use the help along with lip reading and nonverbal cues. I still miss a lot. Older people suffering a hearing loss due to aging buy in to all the hype by hearing aid distributors. They may even shell out mega bucks to get the little bitsy ones that nobody can see. And far too many people get those snazzy numbers, put them in their ears, and find they do NOT hear like they did when they were eighteen. So they throw them in the sock drawer and say the Hell with it. Or they wear the hearing aids for a couple of days and find the damned things hurt. And they toss them in the sock drawer. Added note: if your hearing aid hurts, go back to the dealer and get it adjusted. It can take several trips before it fits just right. And for the love of everything holy, NEVER tell a person to “turn up your hearing aid.” Instead, make sure you are facing the hearing-impaired person. Speak slowly, maybe raise your voice a little bit, don’t chew gum while you are talking, and be patient. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/70 "2019-10-25T15:08:02Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I’m a store cashier who loves interacting with children. However, if the child doesn’t respond, I immediately shut up. No sense forcing the kid to talk to me, basically a stranger. I agree, that’s different. But the paying customer shouldn’t be dismissive. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/71 "2019-10-25T16:24:07Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I agree, that’s different. But the paying customer shouldn’t be dismissive. A customer doesn’t owe the cashier small talk just because they need to buy something. It’s just as rude to engage a captive audience in conversation as it is to let the engager know they’d rather not chat with a stranger. “And how’s your day going today?” I answer “Fine”. Then come more questions. Or commenting on my purchases. It’s invasive. Sorry the corporate policy makes them do it, but I don’t have to play along. I’m not rude about it, but I can see why people are. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/72 "2019-10-25T16:36:32Z")
While it’s not bad enough to count as a disability, I am slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus. No one has any mercy for the slightly hard of hearing. SO many times when I ask for something to be repeated , someone gets huffy and says “I KNOW you heard me! Don’t pretend otherwise!” Or I’ll ask “what was the first part?” because people start talking and I have to focus to understand them, so I hear every word BUT their opening. Naturally they always repeat their last few words, never the part I specified. Or “You’re not paying attention! You’re lazy/don’t love me/are disrespectful!” It’s minor, but people often literally refuse to believe I missed something for physical reasons and get mad at me. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/73 "2019-10-25T17:08:37Z")
Holy crap! Does the person who says “You don’t love me!” know that you are slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus? ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/74 "2019-10-25T17:54:07Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Holy crap! Does the person who says “You don’t love me!” know that you are slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus? They may not say it, but they sure ACT like it! Even my own family members sometimes do the big sigh with eyeroll that says, “Oh here we go again!” If I’m in a bad mood, I sometimes interject, “You know, I didn’t create my hearing problem specifically to annoy the shit out of you!” ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/75 "2019-10-25T20:15:20Z")
We’ve discussed cashier interactions before. I’m not a big fan, but usually am able to avoid being rude. One problem at the grocery store is that cashiers do occasionally make mistakes. Some items get rung up twice, or the price is different than posted. Or, at least before cashe was dispensed via machines, they occasionally forgot to give us our cash-over-purchase. And sometimes baggers damage our purchases. I tend to make an effort to smile and exchange pleasantries w/ strangers and/or store personnel. In fact, I am easily drawn into such chitchat. But right at checkout, I’m really most interested in getting out of the store quickly, with correct cash changing hands, and with my purchases in good shape. I fully appreciate the challenge of a cashier whose employer requires that they do something that this customer does not welcome. I’m very happy to say, “Yes” when asked if I found everything I wanted. But Ireally don’t want to discuss my weekend plans, some upcoming game, or really - even the weather. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/76 "2019-10-25T23:19:59Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Holy crap! Does the person who says “You don’t love me!” know that you are slightly hard of hearing and have tinnitus? Hearing loss is an invisible disability and all too often if people can’t see what’s wrong they don’t believe there’s anything wrong. I’m starting to get the age-related hearing loss (I joke my ears need bifocals) and it’s frustrating. Background noise makes it very difficult to understand conversation at times, and I really have to focus. I focus so hard that sometimes I don’t hear the PA system paging me. I’ve been telling folks that I’m starting to have trouble with this, but coworkers half my age just don’t get it. I’ve also learned how to turn on closed captions on Netflix, Amazon Video, and my TV. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2019, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/77 "2019-10-26T01:00:45Z")
Thank GAWD for captioning! ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2019, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/78 "2019-10-26T08:15:04Z")
IANA Hard of hearing, but I’ve had quite a few people get huffy at me or at other coworkers because they’d come up to us, stand in a location which was about as close or as far from several of us, started talking, and whomever was being addressed only realized we were being addressed when that mouthful of nothing ended in “…so what do you think, Nava?” “Uh… about? I’m sorry, I was preparing this document…” The idea that “only because you decide to talk to me doesn’t mean I’ve got a sudden urge to focus all my loving attention on you” seems to be incomprehensible to some people. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2019, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/79 "2019-10-26T14:45:10Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > But there are situations, as Dinsdale points out, when the person with the disability is seeking an accommodation, benefits, etc. where there is a requirement to _justify_ their position. I think he/she gets that part; people with disabilities are still allowed to feel frustration, though. Having to explain why they need understanding or accommodation is a chore, and it never ends. And people with disabilities know that the people they’re speaking to will never fully understand or appreciate the challenges they’re going through. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118/80 "2019-10-28T18:42:15Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Hearing loss is an invisible disability and all too often if people can’t see what’s wrong they don’t believe there’s anything wrong. But if someone is in the position of saying “You don’t love me!” it seems they would know of the hearing loss. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-having-to-justify-my-disability/842118.md?page=5)