# I'm tired of making stupid mistakes and fuck my cats! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 12, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585 "2009-10-12T21:19:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/21 "2009-10-12T22:59:01Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Your cats can turn doorknobs? Our cat would open a door to a room, let the stupid evil dog in there, then reclose the door. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/22 "2009-10-13T00:12:54Z")
> [@Southern\_Yankee](#): > > I’m a dog person. I thought cats were supposed to be smart. Every cat I’ve ever had was dumber than a doorknob. Even the sweetest ones. My current one, Jork, ok…he was a feral kitten when we got him. But he’s been in this household, this very mellow, laid-back quiet household with no kids, no adults who yell at each other, no one to give him shit or play head games with him, no loud noises or unexpected happenings for 3 years, and he still, STILL acts like we’re going to kill him and eat him for dinner and he has to protect himself. You never know when you reach out to pet him if he’s going to reluctantly let you, or draw blood. Holding him is out of the question, he puts up with it for about 2 seconds then starts biting to be let down. I love him but damn, have I got scars and wounds aplenty, just from trying to be nice to him. Try to pet him, he bites (sometimes). Ignore him and he bites (always). The only thing he really likes is having his tail pulled. Not pulled pulled, but he’ll walk by and I wait until his head is past and then pet his head, all the way down his back, then grab his tail and as he walks by, give it a gentle tug until it’s all the way to the end. He loves that. He’ll walk by several times and if I don’t do it, he’ll bite my foot. I do it once, he wants it done 20 times, he’ll keep walking by over and over. Weirdo. But that’s not all. If he wants in or out of a room, say, the bathroom, and the door is open 3-4 inches, he’ll just sit there until I open it more. He won’t get his head in and push it open more with his shoulder. That would be smart, and all my other cats, dumb as they were, did it. No, you have to open it completely so he has plenty of room to go through. Dumber than a box of rocks. He’s cute as hell though, and has the cutest “look at me, I’m SOOOOOO cute!” meowiestmeow, I can never be mad at him. [/hijack, because I had to get the thought of cat condoms out of my head] ---
**Author:** ![troub](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troub/32/14802_2.png) [@troub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/troub)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/23 "2009-10-13T00:30:59Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > …he still, STILL acts like we’re going to kill him and eat him for dinner and he has to protect himself. You never know when you reach out to pet him if he’s going to reluctantly let you, or draw blood. Holding him is out of the question, he puts up with it for about 2 seconds then starts biting to be let down. . . . The only thing he really likes is having his tail pulled. Not pulled pulled, but he’ll walk by and I wait until his head is past and then pet his head, all the way down his back, then grab his tail and as he walks by, give it a gentle tug until it’s all the way to the end. He loves that. He’ll walk by several times and if I don’t do it, he’ll bite my foot. I do it once, he wants it done 20 times, he’ll keep walking by over and over. Weirdo. One of my cats acts quite similar to this too. Half-feral acting, skittish, but he likes to have his tail pulled like that. Weird. ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/24 "2009-10-13T01:14:14Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > There’s an app for that. Bwahahaha…that is priceless. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/25 "2009-10-13T01:24:13Z")
Remember, there is more than one way to skin a cat, though some are more entertaining than others. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/26 "2009-10-13T01:47:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Well today they got locked in my office and guess what? They pissed on my fucking computer. I’m sorry but every cat owner should know that no interior door in a cat household _ever_ gets closed. If it does, the cat has the right to piss all over everything. It’s right there in the Constitution, somewhere towards the end I think. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/27 "2009-10-13T01:49:03Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > But that’s not all. If he wants in or out of a room, say, the bathroom, and the door is open 3-4 inches, he’ll just sit there until I open it more. He won’t get his head in and push it open more with his shoulder. That would be smart, and all my other cats, dumb as they were, did it. No, you have to open it completely so he has plenty of room to go through. Dumber than a box of rocks. What kind of condition are his whiskers in? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/28 "2009-10-13T02:48:13Z")
I thought of that too, but also thought of the irony of **Equipoise** calling the cat stupid because the cat’s figured out how to make the person open the door with just a look. > [@](#): > > … **city girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile** … ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/29 "2009-10-13T02:52:56Z")
Still, its a basic truth of _haute cuisine_, you can’t hide your lyonnaise. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/30 "2009-10-13T12:41:33Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > When I get up with the baby in the morning I close the doors of rooms I don’t want her to go into. Oftentimes the cats are in one. This isn’t a problem if I don’t fall asleep and forget to open the door until the afternoon and my wife doesn’t either because she’d still prefer to keep the baby out of the office. Have you considered letting the cats run free and locking the baby in the office? I mean, it’s not a perfect plan, your computer is still in considerable danger, but she’s unlikely to specifically piss on it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/31 "2009-10-13T12:54:04Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Our cat would open a door to a room, let the stupid evil dog in there, then reclose the door. That was just payback for the time the dog put the “kat fud” sign on the clothes dryer. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/32 "2009-10-13T13:10:01Z")
**Equipoise** , I thought you’d stolen my cat for a moment. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/33 "2009-10-13T15:44:33Z")
> [@Algher](#): > > A then its either: > > A) Three times a Lady… > B) Hi Opal! > > or, of course: > > C) Profit! > > Sorry - laughing my head off right now while in the Salt Lake City Airport using the wireless. The nice lady next to keeps looking over as the tears of laughter stream down my face. You are sitting next to someone who fucked their cat _three times_?! ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/34 "2009-10-13T16:42:11Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > You are sitting next to someone who fucked their cat _three times_?! I have to wonder what sort of conversation with a stranger one just met in an airport would lead to such a thing being mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/35 "2009-10-13T16:52:23Z")
> [@Yumblie](#): > > I have to wonder what sort of conversation with a stranger one just met in an airport would lead to such a thing being mentioned. Maybe the claw marks are a conversation piece. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/36 "2009-10-13T16:57:03Z")
The only tried-and-true cure for cats pissing is to follow the 3 B’s Approach: Brick, Burlap Sack, Bridge. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/37 "2009-10-14T00:12:20Z")
There are people who like them. No, seriously, I’ve met them, I’m not making this up. ---
**Author:** ![UncleNito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7cd45c/32.png) [@UncleNito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleNito)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2009, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585/38 "2009-10-14T00:22:31Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > There are people who like them. No, seriously, I’ve met them, I’m not making this up. I’d call bullshit, but I’ve actually met a few such people myself. Stranger than fiction. But this being the Pit, I’ll just point out that if that’s the case, the OP has only himself to blame. If mice were pissing all over everything, most people would pay good money to have someone come out and kill the stupid things. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-tired-of-making-stupid-mistakes-and-fuck-my-cats/513585.md?page=1)