# I'm Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Sorry **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 25, 2009, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431 "2009-02-25T21:44:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/101 "2009-02-28T03:01:44Z")
> [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > I hate fucktards like that. Once I was on a four lane road–3 lanes and a left turn lane. The light turned yellow before I reached the “safe” zone, so i dutifully slowed and came to a stop. The guy behind me apparently didn’t have time for that bullshit, so he whipped around me to the left and spend through the intersection–at that point, he was definitely running a red light. A few cars honked. Then I heard a siren, as the cop who had been behind _him_ gave chase. Nobody minded letting the cop go through the intersection. When I was living in San Jose, one of my favorite movie theaters was the Stanford Theater in Palo Alto. Now, for those who do not know, P.A. is one of the more affluent towns on the peninsula which means it has more than it’s share of people who have, shall we say, a sense of self-importance. Further, the traffic engineers in that fair city seem to assign a speed limit five to ten MPH less in a given situation than the neighboring cities do. Nobody paid attention to those lower limits except me; I took a perverse delight when driving around in Palo Alto in my beat up VW, to drive _exactly_ the posted speed limit and let the important-gotta-get there-in-hurry people fume behind me. Now, the road from downtown to the nearest interchange with 101 is about two and a half miles of 25 MPH two lane road. It’s mostly residential so the low speed actually makes sense. It’s also an old road, besides residential, so it is not well lit at all. So, I’m tooling along about 11pm after a double feature at 25 MPH with a pair of headlights riding my bumper for over a mile. Suddenly the guy cuts left across the double yellow, punches it to pass me, then swings back into our lane, all in about five seconds – right in front of a cop car sitting dark on one of the side streets. The cop car explodes into life, does the same maneuver, and nails the guy about two hundred yards down the road. He scared the crap out of _me_ and I wasn’t even the target. When I sailed serenely by the officer was climbing out of his car, clipboard in hand. I resisted the urge to wave to the victim but I couldn’t quell the schadenfreude. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/102 "2009-02-28T07:48:49Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I concur, this stunt is very dangerous. And, maybe, just maybe she had a legit emergency. It may be, but it’s also exactly what my drivers’ manual says to do. And what the police will say you should have done if they decide catch you speeding, even when the person behind you was actually going faster. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/103 "2009-03-01T05:32:35Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I\ And, maybe, just maybe she had a legit emergency. No, she didn’t. I can tell from two thousand miles away that she didn’t. She had an ass for a head. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/104 "2009-03-01T05:37:59Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > No, she didn’t. I can tell from two thousand miles away that she didn’t. She had an ass for a head. Sounds like a medical emergency to me! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/105 "2009-03-01T10:31:04Z")
You are the kind of guy I’m always hoping will come and sit on my front porch for a while. Good stuff! ---
**Author:** ![dotchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@dotchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dotchan)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/106 "2009-03-01T17:31:53Z")
(Wet Blanket) Hilarious as it was, Hal, you really could have avoided it–there were plenty of places you could have pulled over or turned into a side street. Yes, it’s a pain in the ass to accommodate the bitch who was so impatient she couldn’t wait to pass you on the right and not notice the big fucking bus until it was almost too late, but what if she was one of those road ragers who had a gun? (/Wet Blanket) As for associating Hal with sheep, I haven’t done that since he confessed he was a huge Neopets fan and I had a :smack: moment. “Oh, yeah, _Briston_, why didn’t I notice before?” ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/107 "2009-03-01T21:47:01Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > Really makes my blood boil, that kind of thing. One would assume that people like that get into situations like that all the time, the way they drive. Do they always assume that the other people are to blame? Are they the sole good driver in a world of jerkoffs? do they _never_ even consider the possibility that it is _they_ who could perhaps do with driving a bit more calmly? > > Great op, btw. It seems as if they do, in fact, never believe they could be in the wrong, even when it’s quite solidly in their face (sorry, I don’t have a great slide show like **Hal** and mine won’t be nearly as funny, but it does involve actual crashage and a major ego blow to the idiot who caused the accident). So, I’m traveling west on 36th avenue, a two lanes each way road ( at the time, it now has a right turn lane at the road at which I had the accident). I am approaching a major road called “C” street and have had to slow way down because of the people in front of me who are turning right onto C. As they get turned I travel through the VERY fresh green light and BLAM!!! Some guy in a truck plows into me before I’m even all of the way through the light. I didn’t know where he came from, but the witnesses sure did! Apparently he’d been sitting at the left turn light in the Eastbound lanes. Second in Line at the left turn light. The guy who was first at the light must have been some sort of brain dead buffoon, he was dumb enough to actually be waiting for oncoming traffic to clear before he decided to turn. Well, the guy who hit me pulled out from BEHIND the guy first in line and barrelled through the light and into me. So, when we’re both in the officers car, what does Mr. Brilliant tell the officer (after he’s been informed that he’s been cited) “Me???!!! She was going 80 miles an hour through that light”! Um, no…not physically possible for me to have reached that speed from where I’d had to slow down for cars to turn right, to the middle of the intersection where you crunched my car. Which is basically what the officer kept telling him. This guy was seriously about to pop a vein, he could not BELIEVE that a mere girl could possibly have been in the right. He could not possibly have made a driving error, not he (taDA…ding) “Greatest Driver of All Time”. The cop quietly suggested I go wait in my car, rightly sensing it could get ugly. It actually turned out okay, my car was an ugly, nearly indestructible old Caddy, but I still got a couple of thousands bucks in blue book value back out after it was “totaled” and I bought it back, and it was still quite drivable. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2009, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/108 "2009-03-02T21:50:09Z")
> [@Critical1](#): > > **Hal** Can I clean up the language on that a bit and turn it into a power point for use in class? my students would probably be crying as well as the rest of us. > (I teach Drivers Ed) Whoop – missed this the first time around. Sure, go for it. It’ll be refreshing for an experience of mine to be used in an educational setting as something other than “cautionary example”. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/109 "2009-03-03T01:43:12Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > What’s a metaphor? For cows to graze in. ---
**Author:** ![silk1976](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@silk1976](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silk1976)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2009, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/110 "2009-03-03T17:04:57Z")
Read the OP this morning, and then browsed through [icanhascheezburger.com](http://icanhascheezburger.com) and saw [this](http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/funny-pictures-your-cat-is-a-backseat-driver.jpg). Seems relevant to the story 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2009, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/111 "2009-03-05T19:18:22Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am obliged to repeat, once more, that I have abandoned all of my subterranean lairs, dismantled my 1920s’-style orbiting death rays, and freed my genetically engineered warrior monkeys, manta rays, velociraptors, and rocs. I am no longer an Evil Overlord. Huh. That’s just what an Evil Overlord \*would \*say. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2009, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/112 "2009-03-05T19:58:50Z")
> [@dotchan](#): > > (Wet Blanket)Hilarious as it was, Hal, you really could have avoided it–there were plenty of places you could have pulled over or turned into a side street.(/Wet Blanket) Are you really suggesting this, or have I been whooshed? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/113 "2009-03-05T20:08:50Z")
> [@lisacurl](#): > > Huh. That’s just what an Evil Overlord \*would \*say. You have a good point there. But he’d also arrange to have you murdered for pointing that out and ruining his scheme. I can’t help but notice that you are, so far as I can tell, dead. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2009, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/114 "2009-03-05T20:22:04Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > . I can’t help but notice that you are, so far as I can tell, dead. OMG, they’ve killed **lisacurl**! :eek: ps skald, read what you said here carefully.😛 ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/115 "2009-03-06T02:40:16Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You have a good point there. But he’d also arrange to have you murdered for pointing that out and ruining his scheme. I can’t help but notice that you are, so far as I can tell, dead. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/116 "2009-03-06T13:14:52Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > It occurred to me that she may be one of these super-genius young people you occasionally hear about, who at age 22 became a world-renown surgeon and was at this very moment trying to speed to the hospital to save the life of small child Ah, so I’m not the only one to imagine that when I see a small hatch back burning off through town 😃 (Nicely pitted BTW) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/117 "2009-03-06T13:25:22Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > OMG, they’ve killed **lisacurl**! :eek: You bastards! ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/118 "2009-03-06T19:14:28Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > [unrelated part deleted] > I had a somewhat similar experience, where I witnessed an accident and was able to talk with the driver who caused it afterwards. He didn’t have the first clue that he had any responsibility whatsoever for the accident he had caused. I don’t know who the hell he thought was responsible for it, if not him, driving too fast and tailgating on an icy hill - accident fairies, maybe? This is often when you’ll hear the way overused phrase: “no one around here knows how to drive in the [snow, rain, ice, etc]. Fortunately, I do!” ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/119 "2017-08-26T00:58:37Z")
Sorry for the zombie bump, but I didn’t get to reply to it when it was active back in the day…and yet, this remains one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my entire life. I figure if the “Horror of blimps” thread can be revived every so often, this can too. Oh, and I’ve fixed a few of the links in your OP since they weren’t working anymore, as you gave permission to do after I asked you if I could do it all these years later. This entire thread of perfect storytelling hilarity deserved that much, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431/120 "2017-08-26T03:18:09Z")
Awesome, instant-classic OP! I was chuckling and amused until the last slide!The Hans Moleman comparison was Let’s go to the quarry and throw stuff down there funny! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-very-very-very-very-very-sorry/487431.md?page=7)