# I'm Wesley Clark, 24, and have never had a girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249 "2004-06-25T22:21:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/41 "2004-06-26T19:32:05Z")
I’d offer sage, wise advice from the bunkers of the dating scene, but I’m afraid I’ve been distracted. **garius** is single?! Hey, **garius** , how _you_ doin’? I’m an older woman too, you know. Well about a month older. Ahem. Sorry for that. **Wesley** , I think I pretty much second what everyone else has said. My plan (which had brought me an eventful, varied and not always successful romantic career) is generally based on what I think will make me happy at the time. When I’m happy being single, that’s cool. If there’s someone I like who I think might reciprocate my feelings I generally make some kind of move. Being turned down isn’t great, and this plan has ended in disaster several times, but I’ve found so far that the highs have balanced out the lows. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/42 "2004-06-26T19:53:54Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Her condition? God, you make it sound like she’s pregnant, or leprous, or in an iron lung or something. ::pauses briefly to consider mental picture of pregnant leper in iron lung seeking romance, and to wonder why that SNL song “Wookin’ Po Nub” seems to be playing in the background:: Granted, the pool of eligible men who would be comfortable enough with **Eve** ’s life history to get into a ltr is small enough (and she’s negative enough about her age and looks, for some unfathomable reason) that she’s decided to quit actively looking, but being a transsexual doesn’t preclude having a long-term relationship. Fortunately, she seems to be happy, or at least reasonably content, not dating. I didn’t mean it in the sense that it was appropriate and/or guaranteed for her not to have a LTR, but from hearing her talk about herself she seems to have more or less resign herself to this mentality. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/43 "2004-06-26T20:43:50Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > It always seems to turn out that the guys I was interested in weren’t interested in me. I’m firmly convinced that Goran Visnic is just mad not to go after you;) > [@](#): > > And the ones that were…well, let’s just say they were rather creepy. Harumph. I take it back. [sub]I was not, at that specific time, creepy.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Trigonal\_Planar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@Trigonal\_Planar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trigonal_Planar)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/44 "2004-06-27T00:49:42Z")
I’m 21…that means I have 3 years to fix things before I turn into you guys! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/45 "2004-06-27T01:36:38Z")
> [@rekkah](#): > > I’d offer sage, wise advice from the bunkers of the dating scene, but I’m afraid I’ve been distracted. > > **garius** is single?! > > Hey, **garius** , how _you_ doin’? I’m an older woman too, you know. Well about a month older. Remind me again why i’m not buying you dinner?? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/46 "2004-06-27T01:45:57Z")
I want somebody to flirt with me, goddammit! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/47 "2004-06-27T01:50:58Z")
> [@Trigonal Planar](#): > > I’m 21…that means I have 3 years to fix things before I turn into you guys! ☹ HAHAHA. We said the same thing at 21. We’ll set a place at the table for you. on another note, i think i put too much emphasis on this. We are truly all different. I have experienced things most people will never experience, and other people have experienced things i will never experience. But at the same time i’d just like to ‘try’ this aspect of life to see what its like. I think i am going to focus more on building meaningful social bonds (if anything) from now on. The reason i seem to have this ‘dating sucks’ mentality is because alot of the people i know who date often seem to feel the same way. Dating seems to be laden with dead ends, unfulfillment, back biting, etc. True, a nurturing, supportive, respectful bond with a member of the opposite sex would provide fulfillment, but a person get fulfilling bonds without there having to be a sexual relationship. Can’t i rely on my friends and family for nurturing bonds instead of hitting on an endless string of strangers in the hopes that i will find that 1% of women who are single, will go out with me and who i can feel truly comfortable with? Not only that but (in my experience at least) non-sexual relationships seem more stable, more able to weather hard times, and easier to build than sexual ones. So i guess that is where i stand, or at the very least want to focus my mental energy. Hopefully yesterday was a wake-up call and i have my priorities messed up. True i am a ‘loser’ and a ‘failure’ in alot of people’s eyes (that is why im posting this on SD and not the other boards i go to, i don’t need more insults for being a virgin and not dating. Posters here seem more down to earth), but we all have ungratified needs i guess. I can’t say where i’ll be at 30. I’m 24 now and had no idea i’d be here when i was 21. When i was 17 i had no idea i would be where i ended up when i was 21. So I can’t say ‘i will never date’ but at this point in my life i think the risks/detriments greatly outweigh the rewards and i need to focus on something more gratifying. Hopefully i can stick to that plan too. ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/48 "2004-06-27T01:51:25Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I want somebody to flirt with me, goddammit! > 😃 Well hello there pumpkin! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/49 "2004-06-27T01:56:55Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I want somebody to flirt with me, goddammit! > 😃 Hi monstro :). I hope you’re a woman. What are you studying in grad school (i looked at your profile). ---
**Author:** ![Merkwurdigliebe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@Merkwurdigliebe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merkwurdigliebe)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/50 "2004-06-27T02:22:26Z")
Hey wesley! Look at monstro’s website. That seems like a special gal, doesn’t it? In fact when i see it it makes me think how much I’d like to have a girlfriend now. I can’t really explain it, but you gotta get more social. You probably have such thick skin right now. Imagine someone you can tell all of your deepest and innermost thoughts. That’s why realationships are important. I wish you lots of luck and I hope you do find somoene that loves you. Don’t take such a pessimistic approach to live, and please go out and be as social as possible. At first it will seem weird, but later you’ll reach a point where you actually want to be around people rather than be alone. It true. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/51 "2004-06-27T02:40:25Z")
> [@Merkwurdigliebe](#): > > Imagine someone you can tell all of your deepest and innermost thoughts. That’s why realationships are important. I know, but i have friends for this. Several friends. This is partially why i think ‘giving up’ is a better idea, i don’t really believe that sexual relationships are the best way to get deep, permanent, meaningful interpersonal relationships. From what i have seen sexual relationships are harder to get going, less stable, less free, and (near the end) more bitter than non-sexual relationships. I appreciate your concern though :). But i honestly have friends i can tell my deepest thoughts to, i don’t need a woman for that. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/52 "2004-06-27T02:44:55Z")
**Merkwurdigliebe** , that’s so sweet. You just made my day! **Wesley** , my profile’s kinda outdated. I graduated this year. I studied estuarine ecology but the degree’s in biology. I like taking long strolls in knee-deep marsh mud that reeks of sulfides and petroleum. I look like Halle Berry and I have a body like Jennifer Lopez.\* I can play the theme from _Incredible Hulk_ on the piano. And as you can tell, I have no experience flirting. Hence, the reason I will be living the rest of my life alone. \*[sub]This sentence is a lie.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/53 "2004-06-27T02:52:36Z")
I agree with **Merkwurdigliebe** , that’s a cool website. I remember seeing it sometime ago, good work! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/54 "2004-06-27T02:55:10Z")
> [@garius](#): > > Remind me again why i’m not buying you dinner?? 😃 Because you’re busy getting drunk with the OP, at his expense;) ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/55 "2004-06-27T04:48:52Z")
I’d love to have a boyfriend. I’m also (fairly) happy without one. I know lots of guys. I’m somewhere on the right track I think. I know lots of guys. I think I know what sort of guy I’d like to date. Now if I could find a guy that wasn’t married, or engaged, or in a freaking committed relationship, I might be okay. :😁: If he could put two words together without breaking a sweat, that’d be okay too. -Lil ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/56 "2004-06-27T05:07:08Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > I’m firmly convinced that Goran Visnic is just mad not to go after you;) > > Harumph. I take it back. > > [sub]I was not, at that specific time, creepy.[/sub] He’s already married. And I didn’t mean YOU, obviously. [sub]I told you, you don’t live near me, and besides, then you wouldn’t have met Fizzy.[/sub] Okay, I’m happy being single. But sometimes, you know, you just want someone to be with. Maybe we should have a SingleDope? ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/57 "2004-06-27T05:13:13Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I want somebody to flirt with me, goddammit! > 😃 So uh…you…you know, come here often? ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/58 "2004-06-27T06:49:58Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > > [@garius](#): > > > > Remind me again why i’m not buying you dinner?? > > Because you’re busy getting drunk with the OP, at his expense;) Hmmm. Well, I could come along to offer a female perspective. I’d even help **Wesley** carry our pints back from the bar. Serously, though, I think this isn’t a complete hijack. Flirting should be fun. It’s important to enjoy it. If you’re tense and hating it, that’ll come across to your potential flirtee and put a distinct dampner on things. If you’re relaxed and just enjoying the interaction for its own sake, it’s more fun for you _and_ the recipient. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/59 "2004-06-27T07:06:04Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > And I didn’t mean YOU, obviously. [sub]I told you, you don’t live near me, and besides, then you wouldn’t have met Fizzy.[/sub] That’s no excuse;) ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249/60 "2004-06-27T11:42:31Z")
> [@rekkah](#): > > Flirting should be fun. It’s important to enjoy it. If you’re tense and hating it, that’ll come across to your potential flirtee and put a distinct dampner on things. If you’re relaxed and just enjoying the interaction for its own sake, it’s more fun for you _and_ the recipient. I’d second that - the important thing in all of this is enjoying yourself. If you aren’t then something is going wrong somewhere [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/im-wesley-clark-24-and-have-never-had-a-girlfriend/252249.md?page=4)