# I'ma Gonna Go To Hell When I Die **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 1, 2006, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946 "2006-08-01T22:24:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/21 "2006-08-02T03:17:34Z")
I’m going to hell because I missed trivia again tonight. I say I’m going, but I don’t. I am a bad person. What the hell else would you put on hot dogs?! Do NOT say mustard, you WILL go to hell for mustard! Blech. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/22 "2006-08-02T03:30:34Z")
I teach _mathematics_. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/23 "2006-08-02T03:36:19Z")
[QUOTE=cerberus] I teach _mathematics_. [/QUOTE] You only go to hell for that if you make students who don’t get it feel stupid. There is a special circle of hell reserved for teacher who do that. I’m going to hell because I threaten to make area rugs out of cat fur when they get under my feet. And because when Mr. SCL suggested taking my office chair (in the cat suite) out in the yard to wash it, I suggested shaving it was a better idea. I really should have waited until he had swallowed the mouthful of beer… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/24 "2006-08-02T04:18:48Z")
I think God doesn’t exist and if God does exist I’m sure he remembers that I called him a dick. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/25 "2006-08-02T04:27:45Z")
[QUOTE=picunurse] I’m going to hell because I missed trivia again tonight. I say I’m going, but I don’t. I am a bad person. [/QUOTE] Well, looks like I’ll have some company. I really haven’t been avoiding you guys, and I had a blast the couple times I’ve gone, there’s just always\* something\*. I don’t want there to be always _something_. I had a lot of fun. I want to go back and have more fun. WE WILL HAVE FUN, DAMNIT! Ahem. Anyway, I’m also going to hell for sending [this picture](http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/2418/itsblueaz8.jpg) to my mother earlier today, with no explanation. She is currently wetting her pants. Muaha! Haha! Ha. Heh. Okay, _fine_. So as to avoid further penance, if you all _must_ know, I went to Archie McPhee earlier today to buy my brother some birthday presents. It’s just a wig. But doesn’t it look _coooooool_?! 😃 They were all out of pirate hats. Damn you, Pirates of the Caribbean! 2! ---
**Author:** ![whistlepig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@whistlepig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whistlepig)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/26 "2006-08-02T04:56:27Z")
I jaywalked against a green light. Into moving traffic. In front of a group of preschoolers. Two steps off the curb I heard a little voice behind me say, “Teacher, why didn’t that man wait for the light to change?” I would have willingly been hit by a car at that moment. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/27 "2006-08-02T05:25:05Z")
[QUOTE=Anastasaeon] It’s the _only_ kind. [/QUOTE] I thought it was “No other kinds”. Or was it Keinz? ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/28 "2006-08-02T06:30:21Z")
when I see a dog in an Elizabethan collar, I laugh my butt off. It’s even funnier if they look really sad. Someone (on here, I think) posted that their dog had to wear an E-collar and when they put it on, the dog walked into a wall and then just stayed there. I’m giggling just typing that. I don’t normally delight in the misery of another being, but dogs giving me that “take it off! please! I look so stupid and I keep walking into things!” look… hehehe. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/29 "2006-08-02T06:35:49Z")
[QUOTE=DiosaBellissima] Let’s get right down to the real question: Do you have an _EVIL_ puppy? [/QUOTE] I’m going to hell because I have many plans on file on how her cat will have an “accident” if only she’d give me the ok. Gah, I hate that cat. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/30 "2006-08-02T06:39:50Z")
Why wait until you die to go to hell? I’m already in it. ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/31 "2006-08-02T06:45:47Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] There’s another kind? :eek: [/QUOTE] Actually… There’s the Canadian version of Heinz. It is made with “liquid sugar” instead of “corn syrup.” You just haven’t lived until you’ve had some of this. Still Heinz, though, I’m not arguing the basic point here. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/32 "2006-08-02T07:03:46Z")
Putting ketchup on hot dogs is the only way to be able to swallow the things. I’ve got a problem: gramps is going to Hell. I don’t want to spend eternity with gramps, so I oughta do my best to go to Heaven. But Mom is going to Heaven, and I don’t want to spend eternity with her either :smack: Does anybody know if purgatory gets individual cabins? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/33 "2006-08-02T08:28:10Z")
Probably all the copyright violations. The way I read Dante, I think it means I’ll end up in the plains of burning sand. That, and all the apocalyptic, genocidal wars of “cleansing” I plot, for stress relief. (Some men swear when angry, some kick walls, but I…plot.) [QUOTE=Anastasaeon] Ahem. Anyway, I’m also going to hell for sending [this picture](http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/2418/itsblueaz8.jpg) to my mother earlier today, with no explanation. She is currently wetting her pants. Muaha! Haha! Ha. Heh. [/QUOTE] Saaaay…! Ever feel like…sharing some global fallout maps over ice water, m’lady? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/34 "2006-08-02T08:43:28Z")
[QUOTE=cerberus] I teach _mathematics_. [/QUOTE] As I read this, I had a mental image of a Western Saloon bar in a movie: INT: A typical Western Saloon, c.1889. A honky tonk piano is playing in the background, and several patrons are enjoying drinks at tables. _Enter **Cerberus** , who take a seat at the bar_ Bartender: What can I get for you? **Cerberus** : A tumbler of your finest sippin’ whiskey, thanks. Bartender: Coming right up. _Bartender produces tumbler and bottle of whiskey, and pours a drink for **Cerberus** _ Bartender: There you are. So, what brings you to town? **Cerberus** : Well, I’m a Mathematics teacher. Thought I might see if the schoolmarm needed help teaching the kids mathematics. _Other people in the saloon recoil in horror. One of the saloon girls faints. The piano music suddenly stops. Sound of chairs scraping as several men suddenly stand up from their tables and draw revolvers_ **Cerberus** : What? Was it something I said? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/35 "2006-08-02T10:37:12Z")
[QUOTE=Maastricht] I eat meat. I like the taste of meat. Cute little doe-eyed piglets and cows be damned. [/QUOTE] No, this is about you being damned. The pigs and cows you ate are all in heaven now and will be looking down on you when you’re begging for a sip of water in Hell. And I’m betting they’ll turn up there snouts at you. (Not that I’m being judgemnetal…I’ll be there too what with all the hot dogs with ketchup I’ve eaten.) ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/36 "2006-08-02T11:29:10Z")
[QUOTE=whistlepig] I jaywalked against a green light. Into moving traffic. In front of a group of preschoolers. Two steps off the curb I heard a little voice behind me say, “Teacher, why didn’t that man wait for the light to change?” [/QUOTE] I’m a Preschool teacher. I would have ben explaining, in my best teacher voice, “Well, sweetie, he might not know the rules. But we wait for the light, don’t we?” But in my head, I’d be thinking, “Because he’s one of those self-centered assholes who thinks the rules don’t apply to him, that’s why!” 😃 I’m so glad that filter between my brain and mouth works. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/37 "2006-08-02T11:49:08Z")
I drink milk/juice/water straight from the carton or bottle, I don’t care I just do it to be mean. I drop dirty towels on the bathroom floor. I also put ketchup on my hot dogs AND on burgers. When the cats asleep I tickle its ear. One day I aint gonna flush 😃 I’m one evil mother 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/38 "2006-08-02T12:03:03Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] Not to hijack but TBTWD was actually ON MST3K, IIRC. It was Mike’s first episode. Was it the one where: > [@](#): > > The woman was decapitated in a car accident and her doctor fiance smuggled her head back to his lab and brought it back to life in a pan? And her name was Jan. Jan in the Pan. [/QUOTE] Yep, that’s the one. Jan in the Pan. A classic.[/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/39 "2006-08-02T12:05:06Z")
Oh, and what’s wrong with ketchup? I put it on hot dogs and burger. Sorry for the double post. ---
**Author:** ![Pixisis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@Pixisis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixisis)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2006, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946/40 "2006-08-02T12:14:41Z")
[QUOTE=BiblioCat] I’m so glad that filter between my brain and mouth works. [/QUOTE] I’m going to hell because mine frequently doesn’t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ima-gonna-go-to-hell-when-i-die/366946.md?page=3)