# Imagine The Dope if humans were not the dominant species on Earth **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724 "2003-08-21T17:31:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/1 "2003-08-21T17:31:09Z")
Say… Whelks had become the top of the food chain, developing science, ignorance, and message boards… in GQ: The three words that end in “LKS”? Does a human’s fnord echo? in GD: Lemurs. Why the hate? in Cafe: The Lawrence Whelk Show, Ep 32 (spoilers) The Pit: I burning your dog! Mammalian fundementalists piss me off! Use your fave species! ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/2 "2003-08-21T17:51:38Z")
If roaches had become the dominant species: ``` "Is it true that when someone was killed with the guillotine, the body continued to walk around, eat, and have sex for two weeks afterward?" ``` If rats: ``` "Help... my baby is teething-- any advice for keeping him from chewing his way through the floor?" ``` If squirrels: ``` "Discuss your favorite strategies for remembering where you hid all those damn nuts." ``` If dogs: ``` "Ladies... are you offended when a man sniffs your butt on the first date?" ``` ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/3 "2003-08-21T17:57:08Z")
If iguanas: " "? " "!!! " "… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/4 "2003-08-21T17:57:57Z")
Threads if the human species wasn’t dominant on Earth? What do you think all the cat threads are? ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/5 "2003-08-21T17:58:20Z")
Badgers: Flint or granite for sharpening ones claws? President Badger Bush is a flaming F\*ck Tard. He’s allowing an invasion of the yellow-striped badgers! Arnold S. Badger Running for Governor, HAHAHA!! Thats funny, Conan the Badger wants to play Governor. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Dirx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@Sir\_Dirx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Dirx)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/6 "2003-08-21T18:14:59Z")
Bats: “What if Mammalman _wasn’t_ prepared?” Sharks: “Ah, it’s a kind of 1920’s style spear gun!” Hamsters: “The board is slowing down. We need faster humans!” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Dirx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@Sir\_Dirx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Dirx)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/7 "2003-08-21T18:18:31Z")
:smack: I know bats are mammals. Change that to Humanman, or something… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/8 "2003-08-21T18:38:25Z")
Bats aren’t bugs! I miss Calvin ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/9 "2003-08-21T18:52:29Z")
If birds were dominant: ``` "Can I sue Windex for making my windows TOO clean? My kids keep crashing into the glass." ``` ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/10 "2003-08-21T21:32:53Z")
MothDopeFest 2003: Come check out my 2000W porchlight! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/11 "2003-08-21T21:33:31Z")
If dogs: My human’s breath smells like teen spirit. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/12 "2003-08-21T22:01:59Z")
Cows: “Sure, I’m a member of BETH: Bovines Eating Tasty Humans! HAHAHAHAHA!” ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/13 "2003-08-21T22:33:05Z")
Dogs in IMHO: ‘Poll – How many of you stick your head out the Windows when you’re on-line’ ---
**Author:** ![syncrolecyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@syncrolecyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/syncrolecyne)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/14 "2003-08-22T00:09:25Z")
There may be more pit threads with “damned dirty ape” in the title. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-dope-if-humans-were-not-the-dominant-species-on-earth/196724/15 "2003-08-22T00:22:15Z")
Humans, schumans. Everybody knows that hamsters are really running the planet. They’re already running the boards.