# Imagine the U.S. gave out knighthoods.... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924 "2007-02-27T20:17:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/1 "2007-02-27T20:17:32Z")
Or other titles. Unlike the system here where party donors get the title of their choice _cough_, let’s say that these honours go to worthy people regardless of political idealogy or history. Who would you like to see given an American knighthood? A baronetcy? Even a Dukedom? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/2 "2007-02-27T22:41:30Z")
Nobody. Too many phoneys, just famous for being famous. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/3 "2007-02-28T02:27:57Z")
I was actually thinking about this the other day, with regard to actors, musicians, etc. – Sir Mick Jagger, Dame Judi Dench – who the American equivalents would be. In the arts, the equivalent would seem to be recipients of the Kennedy Center honors. [list](http://www.kennedy-center.org/programs/specialevents/honors/history/home.html) ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/4 "2007-02-28T03:54:19Z")
I think things like the Medal of Freedom serve the same purpose. The kinds of people who’ve won them are the types who’d be up for honorary knighthoods in the UK. Besides… wouldn’t it be weird to hear names like “Sir Willie Nelson” or “Sir Frank Sinatra”? ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/5 "2007-02-28T03:57:09Z")
The Earl of Huckleberry (Sam Clemmens) The Baron of Baltimore (H L Menken) ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/6 "2007-02-28T05:49:49Z")
Me!! Although of course I’d be a Dame. But there ain’t nothing like a Dame. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/7 "2007-02-28T15:16:52Z")
[QUOTE=Paul in Saudi] The Earl of Huckleberry (Sam Clemmens) The Baron of Baltimore (H L Menken) [/QUOTE] I used to call an old BF of mine the Viscount of Visalia (California). He never found that funny, for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/8 "2007-02-28T17:59:03Z")
I imagine that a number of uber-famous actors would be knighted, like Jack Nicholson and Clint Eastwood. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/9 "2007-02-28T17:59:45Z")
The Butthole Surfers. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/10 "2007-02-28T18:12:50Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] Nobody. Too many phoneys, just famous for being famous. [/QUOTE] I agree. None of those people are _real_ knights. When was the last time you saw one of them wearing a suit of armor, competing in a jousting tournament or slaying a dragon? ---
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/11 "2007-02-28T21:03:26Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] I agree. None of those people are _real_ knights. When was the last time you saw one of them wearing a suit of armor, competing in a jousting tournament or slaying a dragon? [/QUOTE] Hey, are you suggesting that Dame Judy Dench couldn’t slay a dragon with her bare hands? You foolish, foolish person. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/12 "2007-02-28T21:13:59Z")
You people!!! ME! ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/13 "2007-02-28T21:16:32Z")
Sir Joey Lawrence Sir Hanson Sir Maury Povich Sir John Rocker Dame Courtney Love ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/14 "2007-02-28T21:27:23Z")
Dame Dolly Parton would make me so happy. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/15 "2007-02-28T21:33:17Z")
I was trying to think of people who have contributed something that made me happy, and I think Ian Falconer. 1. He created Olivia 2. He has a British-sounding name perfect for a knight ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/16 "2007-02-28T21:38:02Z")
We already have various levels of nobility here. Baron Von Rasche Baron Karl Von Krupp Lord Alfred Hayes Lord Steven Regal Sir Oliver Humperdink Jerry “The King” Lawler 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/17 "2007-02-28T22:07:03Z")
Don’t forget Sir Charles Barkley. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/18 "2007-02-28T22:45:28Z")
Count Basie Duke Ellington Saint Louis Armstrong ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/19 "2007-03-01T06:40:37Z")
Knights were originally called on to defend the country, so we should award positions as officers in the armed forces! Forget any idea of getting a cushy honorary title. If you want the honor of being a knight of the U.S., then you had better be prepared to drive that Humvee down the barrel of the enemy, son! [/Cotton Hill] ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2007, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924/20 "2007-03-01T12:55:48Z")
Elvis, Bill Gates, and Henry Ford would probably be at “Lord Protector” level right now. Or “God-Emperor,” on a good day. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imagine-the-u-s-gave-out-knighthoods/393924.md?page=2)