# IMHO: It's NOT taboo to date people who are outside of your "league" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2019, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323 "2019-05-01T14:26:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/21 "2019-05-01T20:09:30Z")
> [@sta3535](#): > > If you were told that you should stick to women who are in your “league”, would you just ignore them and go after what you desire? I am bothered by this phrasing. You should “go after” _who_ you desire – to the extent of finding out whether that person’s also interested in you; not to the extent of continuing after anyone who’s not interested. But you shouldn’t be going after _what_ you desire. Your phrasing reads, at least to me, as if you’re intending to pursue people based only on what “league” you’ve decided to categorize them in. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/22 "2019-05-01T20:10:47Z")
There is no league as other people have said. My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. She used to be really self-conscience about it until I told her I just love her for being her which is completely true. I also have a whole lot more money than she does so, on paper, I am out of her league but she is a priest that also happens to be incredible in bed and I think that is really damned hot. Most importantly, we are a near perfect personality match and that is what really allows you to go the distance. I will take blowjobs on demand, great character and ambition over a sterile beauty queen any day. ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/23 "2019-05-01T20:19:04Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I wonder if the OP gets amused, grossed out or pissed off when women he thinks women who are below his league are impertinent enough to pursue him? I’d like an answer to this myself. I asked out a man once who was out of my league in looks. (And, as it turned out, gay.) His response was a heartfelt thank you. The best letdown ever, and one of the few times I became friends with someone in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/24 "2019-05-01T20:19:21Z")
> [@Swampwolf](#): > > People think dating “out of their league” is taboo? Nah. What’s taboo is trying to date someone who’s shown that they’re not interested. No, a taboo is when you are trying to date a blood relative or a minor. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/25 "2019-05-01T20:21:14Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I believe the gentleman just called you a whore. > > Pistols or swords?.. Ē killed ēs father. Ē should prepare to die. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/26 "2019-05-01T20:32:15Z")
It’s not taboo to date out of your league; it’s logically impossible. If you ask someone out, and they say yes, the fact that they said yes is itself evidence that you are, in fact, in their league, even if you didn’t realize it. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/27 "2019-05-01T20:35:31Z")
“Why settle for a 6 when an 8.5 might appreciate you for who you really are?” ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/28 "2019-05-01T20:40:50Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > It’s not taboo to date out of your league; it’s logically impossible. If you ask someone out, and they say yes, the fact that they said yes is itself evidence that you are, in fact, in their league, even if you didn’t realize it. Ehhh…I wouldn’t put it in such absolute terms (after all, maybe a 1 can somehow get a 10 and vice versa, anyone can win a lottery.) But there are, generally, certain “tiers” and it becomes harder to date or attract someone out of one’s tier - not impossible, but harder than being in one’s own tier or going after someone in a lower tier. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/29 "2019-05-01T21:20:19Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > “Why settle for a 6 when an 8.5 might appreciate you for who you really are?” Not sure who you’re quoting; but reducing people to numbers will get a significant number of people’s backs up. Your “6” and your “8.5” may both stalk off together in indignation. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/30 "2019-05-01T21:35:43Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > in my experience, when people are told to stick to women ( or men) who are in their own league, it’s not meant to imply that dating “out of your league” is taboo. It’s meant to encourage a more realistic attitude. Right- I’ve personally known several people who IMO, are irrationally picky. One’s a woman who is quite attractive, and quite successful, and she seems to be holding out for some kind of unicorn - a guy as successful and good looking as she is, AND with all the right personality traits. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/31 "2019-05-01T21:37:12Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Ehhh…I wouldn’t put it in such absolute terms (after all, maybe a 1 can somehow get a 10 and vice versa, anyone can win a lottery.) But there are, generally, certain “tiers” and it becomes harder to date or attract someone out of one’s tier - not impossible, but harder than being in one’s own tier or going after someone in a lower tier. But the tiers are purely subjective. If society in general thinks I’m a 5 but the 8 I’m dating thinks I’m an 8, then to them, I’m an 8, and we’re in the same league - and to hell with society in general. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/32 "2019-05-01T21:49:46Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Ehhh…I wouldn’t put it in such absolute terms (after all, maybe a 1 can somehow get a 10 and vice versa, anyone can win a lottery.) But there are, generally, certain “tiers” and it becomes harder to date or attract someone out of one’s tier - not impossible, but harder than being in one’s own tier or going after someone in a lower tier. You seem to have entirely missed **Chronos** ’s point. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/33 "2019-05-01T21:57:01Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Not sure who you’re quoting; but reducing people to numbers will get a significant number of people’s backs up. Your “6” and your “8.5” may both stalk off together in indignation. I was just restating the OP’s thesis and amusing myself. I’ll go away now. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/34 "2019-05-01T23:17:21Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > There is no league as other people have said. My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. > > She used to be really self-conscience about it until I told her I just love her for being her which is completely true. I also have a whole lot more money than she does so, on paper, I am out of her league but she is a priest that also happens to be incredible in bed and I think that is really damned hot. Most importantly, we are a near perfect personality match and that is what really allows you to go the distance. I will take blowjobs on demand, great character and ambition over a sterile beauty queen any day. Congrats on getting engaged ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Crap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.crap/32/3131_2.png) [@Dr.Crap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Crap)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2019, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/35 "2019-05-01T23:56:01Z")
IMHO: This is a VERY controversial thread. Sincerely, A Solid 10 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/36 "2019-05-02T00:07:05Z")
I realize this is mostly about looks, but “league” covers other things too. Here’s an example. I’ve lurked on the Facebook page of a man I dated in college (and briefly thought I would marry) and knew that he had married a woman with a comparable education level, and they had two children. (He’s a tenured Ph.D. college professor; she’s a physical therapist.) I knew they had divorced - apparently amicably - a few years ago, and last time I checked, he had posted pictures of his current girlfriend. She graduated from a medical assistant program, and works as a school custodian. IDK any more about her. He is genuinely one of the nicest people I have ever known, and as long as they’re happy, that’s all that matters. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/37 "2019-05-02T00:27:40Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. I guarantee that your girlfriend is more physically attractive than you are. > [@Chronos](#): > > It’s not taboo to date out of your league; it’s logically impossible. If you ask someone out, and they say yes, the fact that they said yes is itself evidence that you are, in fact, in their league, even if you didn’t realize it. Maybe they are just slumming? ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/38 "2019-05-02T00:36:40Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > I was just restating the OP’s thesis and amusing myself. Ah. I wasn’t sure whether you were giving your own opinion or stating somebody else’s; thanks for the clarification. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/39 "2019-05-02T00:54:15Z")
I can remember being intimidated by very attractive girls. They always had a group of friends around them. There wasn’t much opportunity to approach and talk. I sat next to a popular girl in class during my junior year. Her friends were in other classes. We talked and were friendly. I found out she had a bf. There was no need to ask her out and get rejected. Most guys fear rejection. Especially if the girl seems annoyed that a less popular kid showed any interest. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/40 "2019-05-02T01:04:18Z")
I’m not gonna date anyone who believes in the Designated Hitter. I’m assuming that’s what you mean. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323.md?page=3)