# IMHO: It's NOT taboo to date people who are outside of your "league" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 1, 2019, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323 "2019-05-01T14:26:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/41 "2019-05-02T02:14:18Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. > > She used to be really self-conscience about it until How often where you telling her that she is uglier than every other woman you have had sex with? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/42 "2019-05-02T02:39:27Z")
> [@jaycat](#): > > I’m not gonna date anyone who believes in the Designated Hitter. I’m assuming that’s what you mean. Truth. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/43 "2019-05-02T02:42:24Z")
> [@bump](#): > > holding out for some kind of unicorn - a guy as successful and good looking as she is, AND with all the right personality traits. I’ve only heard the term “Unicorn” used in the sex/dating world referring to a girl/woman who is willing/down to have sex with both another girl and her male S.O. But you must be using the term in a more generic sense? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/44 "2019-05-02T03:01:13Z")
As far as to whether or not it’s “taboo” to date “out of one’s league”, hell no! Shit, if anything, its fucking impressive and awesome if you are in possession of traits capable of overriding the superficial screen of today’s dating world. Using a wheelchair as i do, im sure many people are of the opinion that i am dating “outside my league” because my gf is a beautiful woman. i fall into stereotypes such as not being able to _really_ satisfy her and if she was with a “real man”, she’d get the satisfying that she really wants. But im not outside of HER league, as in what SHE considers her “league” and she’s not outside of my “league”. We are each others "10"s and that’s all that really matters. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/45 "2019-05-02T03:17:59Z")
My very good looking eldest brother, who is genius smart and a very good musician married the absolute dumbest, fat, not real pretty woman. Her looks are unfortunate. But she is really, really nice. They seem to be very happy in their family life. Their kids are well behaved and smart. So, you just can’t tell who will click. I say don’t worry about leagues and numbers. Worry about being pleasant and well groomed. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/46 "2019-05-02T03:55:59Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > There is no league as other people have said. My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. > > She used to be really self-conscience about it until I told her I just love her for being her which is completely true. I also have a whole lot more money than she does so, on paper, I am out of her league but she is a priest that also happens to be incredible in bed and I think that is really damned hot. Most importantly, we are a near perfect personality match and that is what really allows you to go the distance. I will take blowjobs on demand, great character and ambition over a sterile beauty queen any day. She’s a priest? Of what? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/47 "2019-05-02T04:06:35Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > The idea that there are dating “leagues” is pernicious and toxic bullshit. I don’t see it that way. The reality is that some people are more attractive than others. It’s not just an issue of physical beauty; there’s also factors like personality, intelligence, and success. I’m an average schlub. If I asked Jennifer Lawrence out on a date, she would say no. It’s not because of some taboo; it’s because she can do better than dating somebody like me. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/48 "2019-05-02T04:20:00Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > She’s a priest? Of what? Wouldn’t ‘she’ be a priestess? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/49 "2019-05-02T04:26:19Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I’ve only heard the term “Unicorn” used in the sex/dating world referring to a girl/woman who is willing/down to have sex with both another girl and her male S.O. But you must be using the term in a more generic sense? I read it in the more generic sense of “perfect creature, and quite likely mythical.” (And, yes, I was previously familiar with the more specific definition around dating.) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/50 "2019-05-02T04:27:33Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I’m an average schlub. If I asked Jennifer Lawrence out on a date, she would say no. It’s not because of some taboo; it’s because she can do better than dating somebody like me. See, that right there is what I’m talking about. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/51 "2019-05-02T04:33:23Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I don’t see it that way. The reality is that some people are more attractive than others. It’s not just an issue of physical beauty; there’s also factors like personality, intelligence, and success. > > I’m an average schlub. If I asked Jennifer Lawrence out on a date, she would say no. It’s not because of some taboo; it’s because she can do better than dating somebody like me. Her fiance might not like that either. > **[Jennifer Lawrence | Personal life](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Lawrence#Personal_life)** > > During filming of X-Men: First Class in 2010, Lawrence began dating her co-star Nicholas Hoult. Their relationship ended around the time they wrapped filming X-Men: Days of Future Past in 2014. In September 2016, she began dating filmmaker Darren Aronofsky after they had met during filming of Mother! They broke up in November 2017. > In 2018, she began a relationship with Cooke Maroney, an art gallery director. They became engaged in February 2019 and married that October in Rhode Island. As of Ma... ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/52 "2019-05-02T04:46:16Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > See, that right there is what I’m talking about. …uh, what exactly? \*\* Little Nemo\*\*'s statement was spot on, Jennifer Lawrence would probably reject every and any male Doper poster, and for good reason - she has better options (even if she were single and didn’t have a fiance right now). If you don’t agree with the term “out of league,” then what term should be used instead? The concept is real, true, and exists. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/53 "2019-05-02T05:46:11Z")
> [@Royal\_Nonesutch](#): > > Yet you seem to consistantly enjoy bringing up scenarios right here on the good ol’ Sraight Dope where you are always hooking up with other women, right? > > Odd, that. I have no idea who the fuck you’ve confused **Inigo** with, but you certainly have. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/54 "2019-05-02T10:55:30Z")
One night, back in 1987, I was in a gay movie house. In one dimly-lit room upstairs, a group of men was surrounding a very tall man who immediately caught my attention. He was gorgeous. Being realistic, knowing that I had average looks even on a good day, I stood back and watched, rather than joining the others. I soon noticed that the tall, gorgeous man was looking intently in my direction. I held his gaze, and he broke from the group and approached me. Yes, HE approached ME! One thing led to another, and this year we’ll have been together for 32 years. He’s my husband now. ---
**Author:** ![Wrenching\_Spanners](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecb155/32.png) [@Wrenching\_Spanners](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrenching_Spanners)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/55 "2019-05-02T11:31:51Z")
Most posters are taking “out of your league” to be synonymous with “in a higher league”. I think there’s a bit of bias related to that perspective, but it’s based either on jealousy or a desire to put the person being talked about down. For the contrary situation though, someone dating someone “in a lower league”, I think many people regard that as a social taboo. The phrase that come to mind is: “You could do so much better.” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/56 "2019-05-02T11:39:46Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > There is no league as other people have said. My girlfriend/fiancee is less physically attractive than I am or most of the others I have gone out with but that effect wears off after about a week. > > She used to be really self-conscience about it until I told her I just love her for being her which is completely true. I also have a whole lot more money than she does so, on paper, I am out of her league but she is a priest that also happens to be incredible in bed and I think that is really damned hot. Most importantly, we are a near perfect personality match and that is what really allows you to go the distance. I will take blowjobs on demand, great character and ambition over a sterile beauty queen any day. Upping the challenge to all the would-be parodists, are we? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/57 "2019-05-02T12:10:18Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > The idea that there are dating “leagues” is pernicious and toxic bullshit. 100% this. ‘Leagues, tiers, etc’ are petty, immature classifications that should not matter after leaving middle school. Mature adults have no need to entertain such nonsense, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/58 "2019-05-02T12:28:08Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > But the tiers are purely subjective. If society in general thinks I’m a 5 but the 8 I’m dating thinks I’m an 8, then to them, I’m an 8, and we’re in the same league - and to hell with society in general. It could be, but if society in general see you as a 5, it’s likely that the woman of your dreams will see you as a 5 too, like most people. People are advised to try to date within their league because it’s more realistic, not because it’s utterly impossible to find someone for whom you would be the perfect match despite her being considered much more “valuable” than you by society at large. Especially since this advice is often given to people who are not only unrealistically picky but also are quite inept when it comes to dating (hence very unlikely to seduce someone “not in their league”). It might be that there’s somewhere a 20 something supermodel with an IQ of 135, an incredible personality and who shares all my secret sexual fantasies who would enthusiastically date me along with her twin sister. I still probably shouldn’t exclude all other options until she shows up in my life. Some people do pretty much that. Then again, some people might not be ever happy with a partner who doesn’t fit their requirements, regardless how unrealistic. One of my friends (ex, in fact) despite not being extraordinarily demanding about many aspects, has very very specific expectations about a couple things. She had been involved with many men, but none of these relationships lasted long. She just can’t settle for anything less, so she’ll have to wait for her own kind of unicorn who could very well never materialize. Pretty much, she’s waiting for what you describe : someone who might be considered a 5 by society at large, but will a 10 in her view for having those specific qualities. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/59 "2019-05-02T13:18:23Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I’ve only heard the term “Unicorn” used in the sex/dating world referring to a girl/woman who is willing/down to have sex with both another girl and her male S.O. But you must be using the term in a more generic sense? Uh… yeah. Didn’t know about that meaning of the word. I was using it as a term meaning something so unique and rare as to be nearly mythical. Which on consideration, sounds like it could have been the genesis of your usage of the word as well. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2019, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323/60 "2019-05-02T13:25:28Z")
Having a genuine sense of humor adds +5 to all your stats. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T377A using Tapatalk [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/imho-its-not-taboo-to-date-people-who-are-outside-of-your-league/833323.md?page=4)