# Impossible movies you'd like to see. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 5, 2009, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429 "2009-03-05T19:51:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/21 "2009-03-06T01:07:42Z")
Cryptonomicon ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/22 "2009-03-06T01:32:26Z")
House of Leaves ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/23 "2009-03-06T01:40:23Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > You mean we can time travel to get these movies made, as long as they’re not about us? I’d like to see a real-life documentary on Jesus, filmed over the course of his life, if he was a real person. The preferable runtime - again, assuming he even existed - would be at least a week. I’m thinking bigger: The Temple in Jerusalem, in its heyday under Solomon – set up the cameras to run nonstop for the entire High Holiday period (from Yom haZikaron through Shmini Atzeret), and edit down the 510+ hours of footage per camera later in the comfort of the modern studio. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/24 "2009-03-06T01:50:51Z")
A drama/suspense set in a non-humanoid alien culture. Without subtitles/dubbing. The culture set up is completely unlike anything on earth and we’re left to our own devices to interpret what we see and the motivations for each character. The story is logically consistent with the invented culture, lifecycle and behavioural characteristics of the aliens but is unexplained. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/25 "2009-03-06T02:10:12Z")
•Perfectly honestly? There are probably a few works of fanfiction that I could stand to see onscreen. Either because they’re stories that stand well on their own…or that they’re ones filled with so much unabashed wish-fulfillment and completely over the top spectacle that I couldn’t resist watching it onscreen. (Look, I can’t be the _only_ guy who’s gone to the theater on a hot summer day to get some overpriced snacks and watch monsters beat each other to death for two hours, then gone home completely satisfied for the experience.) •Along said lines…[Hitler vs. Stalin](http://www.comics.aha.ru/rus/stalin/). :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/26 "2009-03-06T03:38:31Z")
**The Infinity Gauntlet**. It would be a huge epic, broken up into a few parts, covering everything from Thanos’ early life, to his quest for the Infinity Gems, to the huge space battle itself. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/27 "2009-03-06T04:18:29Z")
The Big Bang, the formation of the moon, time-lapse photography of the creation and evaporation of inland sea in the middle of North America over eons, dinosaurs hunting, and the volcanic winter of 535 AD. Thinking of literature, I’d like to see films made of Elizabeth Marie Pope’s _The Perilous Gard_ and Walter M. Miller’s _A Canticle for Leibowitz_. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/28 "2009-03-06T04:29:43Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > (Look, I can’t be the _only_ guy who’s gone to the theater on a hot summer day to get some overpriced snacks and watch monsters beat each other to death for two hours, then gone home completely satisfied for the experience.) For much the same reason, something with giant stompy robots and/or big bloody tanks. Something set in the _Warhammer 40,000_ universe comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/29 "2009-03-06T05:38:57Z")
_Atlas Shrugged_ ---
**Author:** ![fiddlesticks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddlesticks/32/18129_2.png) [@fiddlesticks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fiddlesticks)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/30 "2009-03-06T06:00:07Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > Cryptonomicon Think bigger Johnny Q: a 12 hour Baroque Cycle movie! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/31 "2009-03-06T08:18:58Z")
The Illuminatus Trilogy ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/32 "2009-03-06T13:38:24Z")
The real actual every day portrayed life of Jesus H. Christ. From conception to death (or resurrection, depending on what really happened). ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/33 "2009-03-06T18:30:29Z")
The Lensman series. More good romantic comedies with lesbians like D. E. B. S. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/34 "2009-03-06T18:47:45Z")
A Kung Fu wuxia ensemble movie like **Bloodsport** , with the following cast in cloned/resurrected in their prime. Think Dirty Dozen meets Crouching Tiger… Jackie Chan Jet Li Bruce Lee Gordon Liu Michelle Yeoh Donnie Yen Chuck Norris …and extra tough-guy cameos by Lee Van Cleef and Charles Bronson. ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/35 "2009-03-06T19:07:10Z")
A biography of [Canute the Great](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canute_the_Great), I’ve been fascinated by Vikings lately. Any adaption of a Bernard Cornwall book that’s as good as or better than the Sharpe series. ---
**Author:** ![vifslan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f4b2a3/32.png) [@vifslan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vifslan)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/36 "2009-03-06T19:15:54Z")
Here are my impossible wishes: I’d like to see (buy as novelisation, Betamax, VHS, DVD or any kind of available format, and faithfully rewatch until I could quote it from memory) the biopic on Christopher Marlowe’s life and times that _wasn’t_ made in the late eighties. Starring Gary Oldman somewhere in between Sid & Nancy and Rosencrantz & Guildenstern. Forget rom-coms about Shakespeare, Marlowe’s where the drama is. Too bad that producers don’t like their heroes getting knifed through the eye in shady riverside taverns. And the _faithful_ adaptations of The Dark Is Rising (that’d be my ultimate Christmas fantasy flick) and His Dark Materials. But those wells seem to be well and truly poisoned now. ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/37 "2009-03-07T00:27:32Z")
A pitch-perfect version of _Snow Crash_. A _Hammer’s Slammers_ adaptation of some sort, preferably based on _Rolling Hot._ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/38 "2009-03-07T01:23:45Z")
I don’t know that they’re impossible, but: A decent adaptation of Twain’s **A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court** Non-abridged versions of **The Iliad** and **The Odyssey**. C’mon – if they could do an 11 hour version of **War and Peace** they could do those. This one IS impossible – I’d like to see Jeremy Brett do the rest of the **Sherlock Holmes** stories and novels (they can do **a Study in Scarlet** and **The Valley of Fear** , and I won’t complain if they leave out the non-Holmes half of each book). And redo the ones that didn’t turn out so well (There’s no need to turn **The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire** into a snoozer.) . Then he can go on and do some of the copies and pastiches. I wanna see more **Jules Verne** novels turned into movies. Without gratuitous female characters, or camp humor. Gimme a decent **From the Earth to the Moon** , already! More decent science fiction! I want **The Stars my Destination**! And Fredric Brown’s **Arena** , and Henry Kuttner’s **Robots Have No Tails** , and Robert Sheckley’s **Immortality, Inc./Immortality Delivered** without Mick Jagger and Anthony Hopkins but WITH Sheckley’s plot. I want **The Puppet Masters** done right (I don’t think it’s been hopelessly suillied by two bad adaptations) Give Mike Jittlov some money and let him make **The Wizard of Speed and Time** the way he wanted to, not as it turned out. Or let him make _anything_. Make more Frederick Forsythe movies! Do **The Devil’s Alternative** and more of his short stories. Just don’t do **The Phantom in Manhattan**. Do Lovecraft straight. “The Call of Cthulhu” was a good start, but give us **The Case of Charles Dexter Ward** , which would be a good movie, done properly. Redo **The Shadow Over Innsmouth** without the blood – “Dagon” went overboard. Redo Philip Jose Farmer’s **Riverworld** , and Ursula K. LeGuin’s **A Wizard of Earthsea**. We really need to get on the SciFi Channel’s case – those “adaptations” were awful. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/39 "2009-03-07T01:36:41Z")
I would love to see a brand new version of Forever Amber, life of a loose woman in the royal court, London, 1600’s. (Though it would probably make a better mini-series, then people would think it was Moll Flanders! Again!) I’d like to see the old version, made in the '40s, but it seems to be one of those films that has just disappeared. I’d like to see something of Ruth Rendell’s (aka Barbara Vine’s) adapted to a film. Or Robert Crais - Elvis Cole and Joe Pike, played by…?.. I would love to see The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russell. I’d read years ago Brad Pitt was interested, but the special effects needed weren’t advanced enough. Well, they are now! I would love to see a live action The Last Unicorn. It was on, some time ago, with Jonathan Rhys Myers and Mia Farrow, before the deal fell through. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429/40 "2009-03-07T01:36:54Z")
_The Peace War, Marooned in Realtime_ and _A Fire Upon the Deep_ by Vernor Vinge. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/impossible-movies-youd-like-to-see/488429.md?page=3)