# In 2018 are political differences a dealbreaker WRT to new romantic relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2018, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748 "2018-11-18T22:37:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/21 "2018-11-19T05:22:11Z")
To me, it always has been, if the differences were extreme enough. “A woman’s place is in the kitchen.” “A woman can never hold a job which pays better than her husband’s; if she’s offered a promotion which would mean she’d earn more than he does, she must turn it down.” I’m an engineer. “People simply should stay wherever they were born.” Unless your family tree is all from the same village as far as the records get, you’re a hypocrite. None of us would be here without our “outsider” foreparents. Etc, etc, etc. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/22 "2018-11-19T06:10:15Z")
No not really a deal breaker, also I find that I sometimes change people’s beliefs over time by just being around them and engaging in little conversations and sometimes debates. I’m an atheist and I’ve dated Christians who after a time ended up atheist too, not because I was trying to change them it just happened naturally over time. Of course for some of them I think maybe they were happier when they believed, my bad. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/23 "2018-11-19T06:13:03Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I would sleep with them as long as I could until they got too annoying. It’s refreshing to see an honest reply on the internet these days. 😉 > [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Harpo was always my favorite. Did you know that he taught himself to play the harp? I bet he’s glad his parents didn’t name him “Skinflute”. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/24 "2018-11-19T06:35:14Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > The bigger question is: In 2018, are political differences a dealbreaker WRT established relationships. > > My brother-in-law was an Obama-loving liberal, basically from 2014/5 and earlier. Then he got a job in corrections, and 2016 rolled around and he voted for Trump. My sister-in-law began to think he was nuts, and wondered how he could vote for such a vile sexist pig. But chalked it up to Hillary being a bad candidate, and the two of them just decided not to talk much about current events. But over the past two years, he moved rapidly down the road of guns/racism/Republicanism. Still, my sister-in-law held out a shred of hope that he would vote for Gillum, Bill Nelson, etc. to counter the truly nutty shit happening in our country. > > Nope, on election night, he proudly announced to my sis-in-law he voted all Republican, and said some other slightly horrific Trumpy/racist stuff. Sis-in-law texted my wife (about her brother): “Can this marriage survive?” > > My wife and I both sorta jokingly agreed that if it didn’t, we’d rather claim sis-in-law. He came for a visit last month with my niece, and he’s just not very fun to be around anymore. He’s angrier at life, bitter, gets riled up if the topic of guns or foreigners comes up, he’s short-tempered with his daughter, and he just likes to provoke people around him now. This was not who he was two, three, four years ago. > > So I think my sister-in-law is really wondering how this marriage continues. It sounds like the JOB has changed him, and not for the better. My opinion? Not so much their views, as their attitude about them and those who disagree with them, and how they react when errors are pointed out to them. That goes for human relationships in general. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/25 "2018-11-19T06:43:05Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > currently living with his in-laws until his wife finishes nursing school. > > (snipped) > > But is it a dealbreaker for marriages? Our family will likely find out sometime between now and 2021. Marriages survive nursing school so infrequently, especially if children are involved, I really think they just might as well get divorced first, because they’re going to do it anyway, regardless of how the family supports itself. At the very least, it sounds like this guy needs another job; even flipping burgers would be less harmful to his family. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/26 "2018-11-19T07:00:02Z")
If they were right leaning and we differed on a few issues, I could live with that. An intelligent back and forth about how we arrived at our respective positions on the issues is something I’d enjoy. A Trump supporter is so wrong on so many issues, I could not be involved with them. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/27 "2018-11-19T07:22:27Z")
My wife and I discuss politics and we don’t always agree. However, who she votes for and why is her business. We are teaching our kids the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/28 "2018-11-19T08:33:02Z")
> [@Frank\_Burly](#): > > Republicans actually are racist, so those two statements aren’t equivalent at all. Ahhh…the old dehumanize and vilify your opponent ploy. Used to great effect by Josef Goebbels. Its hard to take seriously those who can’t recognize shades of gray. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/29 "2018-11-19T09:04:09Z")
Isn’t that what the purpose of dating is for? To find out how and what the other person thinks, and to make a decision whether to proceed with the relationship or not? Seriously, when you date, you talk about everything–hobbies, work, politics, families, commutes, sports, movies, religion, music, and so on. If something doesn’t click, it doesn’t click. After a few dates, you add up the positives and minuses, and decide if it is worth continuing. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/30 "2018-11-19T14:13:15Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > My opinion? Not so much their views, as their attitude about them and those who disagree with them, and how they react when errors are pointed out to them. That goes for human relationships in general. This is an important point for me. Many people lean one way or the other politically, but they are not particularly intense in their politics. (Consider how many people don’t vote.) ISTM the level of intensity would be a contributing factor. As an example, my current spouse is on the other side, but not really intensely engaged. This is OK, for the most part (see below\*). Regarding the OP, sorry to say it - but, ex-military, business owner, and you’re surprised by their politics? Um OK. \*I say for the most part, here is why - Were I dating now I would look for someone who shares my politics and my level of engagement. I miss the opportunities to have those types of conversations where we would hear something or read something and agree on our opinions and have free wheeling discussions punctuated by “I know!”. I miss the opportunity to get involved and participate in political activities, and attend rallies, and see prominent speakers, all with my spouse. This is whole social world I am cut off from because my spouse does not share my views and level of engagement. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/31 "2018-11-19T16:10:14Z")
I’ve dated many women who were the polar opposite of me, politically. Never regretted it. Everyone knows that crazy women are great in the sack. ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_Burly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frank_burly/32/24_2.png) [@Frank\_Burly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_Burly)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/32 "2018-11-19T16:11:46Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Ahhh…the old dehumanize and vilify your opponent ploy. Used to great effect by Josef Goebbels. Its hard to take seriously those who can’t recognize shades of gray. You’re right. Republicans are a diverse group, all of whom support white supremacy. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/33 "2018-11-19T16:22:40Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > …Regarding the OP, sorry to say it - but, ex-military, business owner, and you’re surprised by their politics? Um OK… I’ll excuse the patronizing tone. Once. :dubious: This man belongs to an EXTREMELY liberal Episcopalian church and sings in the choir, so yeah, I was surprised. Other members have since told me he is an outlier in the congregation. And let’s don’t tar all ex-military with the same brush. I’ve dated a few, married one, both my stepsons are retired military, and I’m an Air Force brat myself. Anyway, I wouldn’t have been shocked to find that he was a conservative Republican, or that he was “pro-life,” (being a churchy guy), but I was appalled to see the virulent, angry, scorching, hateful pro-Trump posts on his FB page. Thanks, all, for the extremely interesting replies and discussion. The question of political differences breaking up existing relationships (blood relationships, too) is very pertinent. ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/34 "2018-11-19T17:37:12Z")
Definitely these days would be a deal breaker if I was in the market. My family is Muslim (I am Lutheran), so any potential partner who would say Islamaphobic things, or vote for an Islamaphobic candidate, would be immediately a no. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/35 "2018-11-19T17:55:27Z")
> [@Icarus](#): > > Regarding the OP, sorry to say it - but, ex-military, business owner, and you’re surprised by their politics? Um OK. Support for Trump goes way beyond “politics.” It’s a major character flaw that can’t be ignored. Many (but not enough) conservatives have made a point of distancing themselves from Trump. If the OP’s friend can’t do that, he’s not worth the time of day. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/36 "2018-11-19T18:04:02Z")
I would not date a Trump supporter. A never-Trump conservative? Perhaps. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/37 "2018-11-19T18:43:32Z")
Nobody who still calls themselves a Trump supporter could ever earn my respect at this point. If I found out on a first date that he was one, I wouldn’t even let him buy my dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/38 "2018-11-19T18:51:57Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > I can’t respect the beliefs of a Trump supporter. That’s why I couldn’t date him. I would agree with this. > [@Merneith](#): > > Not only would I not date Trump supporters, I wouldn’t date conservatives who try to pretend that “Republicans are racist” is equivalent to the nonsense statement, “Democrats kill babies!”. > [@Frank\_Burly](#): > > Republicans actually are racist, so those two statements aren’t equivalent at all. Exactly. Any “centrist” who says something like this isn’t exercising his or her reason in a way that I can respect. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/39 "2018-11-19T19:19:33Z")
I couldn’t be in an intimate relationship with a strong Trump supporter. Aside from conflicting values and attitudes etc., politics is something I’m gonna need to talk about openly and freely with the one I love. If we can’t do that without getting into a debate, then that means not talking about it at all. And I’m not seeing how sustainable that would be. After a while, it would be like censoring the word “the” from your speech. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2018, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/40 "2018-11-19T20:08:18Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > politics is something I’m gonna need to talk about openly and freely with the one I love. If we can’t do that without getting into a debate, then that means not talking about it at all. And I’m not seeing how sustainable that would be. Take it from me, it’s a struggle. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748.md?page=3)