# In 2018 are political differences a dealbreaker WRT to new romantic relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2018, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748 "2018-11-18T22:37:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Akaj](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akaj/32/145_2.png) [@Akaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Akaj)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/61 "2018-11-20T15:58:45Z")
Mrs. A still gives me grief about voting for Reagan – 7 years before I met her! As to the OP – no, I couldn’t date a known Trumpist, because I like to have intelligent conversations with people. ---
**Author:** ![JB99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/439d5e/32.png) [@JB99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JB99)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/62 "2018-11-20T19:17:53Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Speaking only for myself, it’s not a matter of getting worked up over who someone voted for. My mother and both of my sisters voted for Trump - it’s not the end of the world. One sister kind of regrets it now and the other sister I really don’t talk to much for other reasons but my mother? She’s the problem. She’s a problem less because of her views than the fact that she.will.not.shut.up about them. Her views about “foreigners” don’t go over too well with my half-Asian kids, my nephew and his wife from El Salvador or my niece and her Israeli husband. My son-in-law, the son of an Irish immigrant isn’t thrilled either, although she never seems to complain abut Catholic immigrants who speak English as a first language. Then she starts on how terrible the ACA is/was - which makes a couple of them feel like Grandma would be just fine with them not being able to pay for either insurance or doctor’s visits. Nobody else brings up politics- and when people walk away from the conversation rather than getting into an argument with her, she mocks them. > > I wonder why the grandchildren don’t visit her as much as she wants them to. My father-in-law did the same thing to my wife. It had absolutely nothing to do with politics. He was just a narcissist and he wanted to bully her. Politics was usually the subject he chose, but if it wasn’t politics he would have found something else to harass her about. He had two children. By the time he died, he was estranged from both of them. He died alone and penniless. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/63 "2018-11-20T19:39:38Z")
“Politics” is a really broad term - I don’t really give a rat’s ass how someone voted on the school bond rerendum or whether they supported rezoning plot 7B to allow a higher density housing development. But if someone thinks that my friends should not be treated as human beings, I have no desire to date them. People who talk about ‘politics’ are often trying to pretend that it’s only the former, but today one party explicitly embraces the later type of ‘politics’. Back in the 80s or 90s it was possible to encounter reasonable Republicans; there were some disgusting extremists, but they also represented a lot of people who had what I could consider respectable positions. Today the Republican party is explicitly anti-democratic, anti-LGBT, anti-environment, anti-science, pro-nazi, anti-fiscally-conservative, and several other positions that are simply beyond the pale for me. But if someone supports what 2018 Republicans support they just aren’t someone I can stand to be around for a significant amount of time. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/64 "2018-11-20T19:55:25Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > My wife and I discuss politics and we don’t always agree. However, who she votes for and why is her business. We are teaching our kids the same thing. This. If it was 1988. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/65 "2018-11-20T20:07:00Z")
I love guns. I love cutting down trees. I think we have too many burdensome regulations. I cannot vote to treat certain people like dog shit. Luckily my wife is the same way. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/66 "2018-11-20T20:18:18Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > I love guns. I love cutting down trees. I think we have too many burdensome regulations. Is this a roundabout way of saying you want to do away with laws that ban felling trees by shooting them? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/67 "2018-11-20T20:31:35Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Is this a roundabout way of saying you want to do away with laws that ban felling trees by shooting them? > > 🙂 I was I was hoping we could restart the [Forest Service Helistat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7jENWKgMPY)program but put some guns on the Sikorsky’s ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/68 "2018-11-20T20:36:19Z")
Most definitely. In fact, it doesn’t have to be something as intensely personal as romance. I’ve grown distant from a few people I once called friends because I can’t help but think that their support of Trump is indicative of the kind of people that they really are. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2018, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/69 "2018-11-20T20:36:45Z")
> [@sitchensis](#): > > I was I was hoping we could restart the [Forest Service Helistat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7jENWKgMPY)program but put some guns on the Sikorsky’s :eek::eek: The first comment I saw was “Hindenburg: Redneck Edition” LOL ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2018, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/70 "2018-11-21T10:06:07Z")
I’m spoke for, so it’s not really an issue for me. If it WAS an issue for me, I would not only consider it a deal-breaker for me and the young lady, I would have to seriously think about whether I had a moral responsibility to cock-block her… ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2018, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/71 "2018-11-21T10:25:08Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Anyway, I wouldn’t have been shocked to find that he was a conservative Republican, or that he was “pro-life,” (being a churchy guy), but I was appalled to see the virulent, angry, scorching, hateful pro-Trump posts on his FB page. > . What starts on FB stayts on FB. I wouldn’t make stuff posted on FB the sole factor whether I dated someone. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2018, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/72 "2018-11-21T10:41:53Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > But we’re not talking about family - no choice is involved with family. We’re talking who we would choose as a romantic partner. And it seems pretty reasonable that we might consider one’s philosophy on life, including politics, when choosing a life partner. I can’t choose my relatives, but I can choose how much I talk to them. My aunt considers I shouldn’t have the right to live in Catalonia, because only people whose four grandparents were born there have such a right. 3 of hers weren’t. Political disagreements based on having different situations, different ways of thinking, can be great. Hey, I’m Basque, we think “arguing” is a basic biological activity. But when the disagreement is directly based on one side not thinking at all? I’ve got better things to do with my head than get migraines! ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2018, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/73 "2018-11-21T19:26:20Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > What starts on FB stayts on FB. > > I wouldn’t make stuff posted on FB the sole factor whether I dated someone. So if someone posted “People with Melbourne’s ancestry are mongrels who should be sterilized and kept away from proper people” on Facebook, you wouldn’t treat it as a deal breaker? ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2018, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/74 "2018-11-22T08:15:38Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > So if someone posted “People with Melbourne’s ancestry are mongrels who should be sterilized and kept away from proper people” on Facebook, you wouldn’t treat it as a deal breaker? Apart from the fact that your posting is exactly the kind of posturing, which, if met in real life, I would walk away from in disgust, I live in a foreign country. For most of my life, many people I meet have had that opinion about Americans. Several of my friends have told me that, in general, they don’t like Americans, and that the world would be better off without America, but that I personally am OK. If I didn’t accept that kind of statement from my friends, I wouldn’t have had many friends. However, in real life, I wouldn’t be friends with people who offered false dichotomies for the sake of creating arguments. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2018, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/75 "2018-11-22T13:31:45Z")
Re the op; depends on what those political views are. Trump supporters seem a little to…extreme for my taste. This is the only time in my life that I’ve ever cared about a potential date’s politics. I don’t date much anymore. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2018, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/76 "2018-11-22T14:48:11Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > …This is the only time in my life that I’ve ever cared about a potential date’s politics. … That was my point. And why I said “In 2018.” It’s. Different. Now. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2018, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/77 "2018-11-22T15:50:21Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > There are no political differences in this country any more. It used to be, there were liberals and conservatives, and most of the liberals were Democrats, and most of the conservatives were Republicans. Both sides wanted what was best for the country, and just disagreed on how best to achieve that. > > Now, there are still liberals, and they’re still Democrats. And there are a small number of conservatives, and they’re mostly Democrats, too. And then there are Trumpists. Trumpists aren’t conservative, and they don’t want what is best for the country. The best among them just want what is best for themselves. The worst among them don’t even care about that, and just want other people to suffer. I can have no common ground with such people. I think Jonathan Haidt does a good job of describing the division. [![](https://www.ethicsdefined.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Lib_VS_Cons.png) ](https://www.ethicsdefined.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Lib_VS_Cons.png) Liberals have 2 factor morality, conservatives have 5 factor morality. The left only cares about fairness and harm, the right cares about authority, ingroup and purity too. To the left, the idea that blacks, gays, muslims, etc are ‘impure’ is idiotic nonsense and all we see is marginalized people being victimized. To the right, they are defending the purity of their tribe from outsiders. I don’t think there is any coming together. Our morals are not only divided, they are the opposite. What is moral for one side is immoral for the other. That applies to an endless number of policies including taxes, abortion, minority rights, gun control, the welfare state, western values and liberal democracy, etc. Politics in modern America is zero sum, conservatives win when liberals lose, and vice versa. Fairness and harm reduction are a direct threat to purity, authority and in-group dynamics. Meanwhile maintaining the integrity of authority, purity and in-group dynamics requires doing unfair and harmful things. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2018, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/78 "2018-11-23T09:10:45Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > Apart from the fact that your posting is exactly the kind of posturing, which, if met in real life, I would walk away from in disgust, How is it ‘posturing’? It’s a direct question based on something that routinely happens in real life. > [@](#): > > I live in a foreign country. For most of my life, many people I meet have had that opinion about Americans. Several of my friends have told me that, in general, they don’t like Americans, and that the world would be better off without America, but that I personally am OK. But that doesn’t answer the question I asked. They didn’t say that you were a mongrel, or that people like you should be sterilized, or that your kind should be kept away from them. They said that they don’t like a particular country and that they generally don’t like people from that country, which is radically different. > [@](#): > > However, in real life, I wouldn’t be friends with people who offered false dichotomies for the sake of creating arguments. What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything that could reasonably be called offering a false dichotomy. I asked how you would respond to a simple example of a statement of a sort that I have seen people make on facebook, I didn’t assert that it and it’s negation were the only things people could post, or that there were only two possible answers you could give. Also, are you saying now that if I posted this on facebook instead of SMDB, you’d refuse to be friends with me for something I posted on facebook and abandon the ‘what happens on FB stays on FB’ stance? ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2018, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/79 "2018-11-23T22:37:33Z")
In 2018 we’re also not stuck with the people around us as friends or romantic partners. You don’t have to accept the bigots or otherwise garbage people simply because they are the only companionship available. I second that the problem is really morality, not “politics.” People around me tend to be conservative, but most aren’t garbage, so I can be at least some level of friends with them. And there are liberals who I do think have a morality problem, and I’d rather be with the kind conservative. But Trump support is pretty much all immorality at this point. So that is a dealbreaker on friendship even before the possibility of romance. Also people who say they don’t support Trump but support the same shit. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748/80 "2018-11-23T23:25:00Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > … > I second that the problem is really morality, not “politics.” … Yes, that’s right. It’s just that currently this lack of morality is manifesting in the world of politics, elections, government, instead of say, the arts or sports. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-2018-are-political-differences-a-dealbreaker-wrt-to-new-romantic-relationships/824748.md?page=5)