# In lesbian couples, always a normal looking one and a butch one? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 23, 2001, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683 "2001-08-23T06:11:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/21 "2001-08-23T17:39:11Z")
All I gotta say on this is: have you seen **Tiburon** and her woman?! Groooowl! Both are stone-cold sexy. ---
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/22 "2001-08-23T17:40:04Z")
For examples of lesbians which fail to meet the description from the OP see [http://www.girlskissing.uk](http://www.girlskissing.uk) Or at least I hear . . . DaLovin’Dj ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/23 "2001-08-23T17:43:59Z")
**Moderator’s Notes:** This thread has the potentional to become a battlefield on a couple different levels. So that does not happen, I’d like to remind everyone this thread is in MPSIMS. Please fashion your replies accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/24 "2001-08-23T18:19:04Z")
Sometimes, not always. Butch/femme was a mainstay of previous generations. Not so much now. The reasons for this quite possibly had a lot to do with categorizing- it’s less threatening to straight society if one person of a pair adopts the opposite gender role. Neither quietgirl (my partner) nor I are identifiably lesbian. Some people dress or act to the stereotype, some just don’t. ---
**Author:** ![galen\_ubal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galen_ubal/32/4440_2.png) [@galen\_ubal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/galen_ubal)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/25 "2001-08-23T18:32:40Z")
As a defense for Muad’dib, one lesbian I knew maintained that in such couples one had to be masculine and the other feminine. I also suspect, however, that those are the “noticeably lesbian” couples - for every such butch and sweetheart pairing, there’s ten others you wouldn’t pick out of a crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/26 "2001-08-23T19:18:16Z")
My moms girlfriend would pass for a man before she would a woman. My kids called her papa when they were toddlers. When I was in high school I had someone ask if that was my dad and I said yes she is. I went to a club with one of my gay friends, and he told one of his friends that I was looking to find a female friend. He asked what I was interested in and I swear he told me with a straight face (no pun intended) that lipstick lesbians don’t go together. What?! Stereo typing from you? Mr. I’m more feminine than you? If he were anymore fem he would have been a queen. I will give him credit though. He did go next door to the lesbian bar and look around for me anyway. I can just see the look on these womens faces being approached and asked first if they were lesbians, second if they were seeing anyone. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/27 "2001-08-23T19:27:14Z")
A) Of course all lesbian couples aren’t butch-fem. B) My neighbors are. However, they both make very feminine noises when having sex. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/28 "2001-08-23T19:42:46Z")
Sheesh you guys, I appreciate many of the great responses but I really did not mean to imply “is EVERY single couple EXACTLY like this”. I more wanted to know if it was a real phenomenon, and or a significant percentage of the population. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/29 "2001-08-23T19:55:36Z")
Well, put that way… My best friend in the world, outside of my wife, is pretty butch, but so were her last two partners. The one before that was very fem, but tripped _everyone’s_ spidey-sense. We’re talking serious damaged goods… She had more issues than a newsstand. I’ve a relative who is totally neutral, and so is her partner. My first lover was so femm that she’d qualify for the cover of a upscale fashion rag, and she left me for a girl who _was_ on the cover a an upscale fashion rag. In the Nav, it was more femm than butch, as best I and my best friend/supervisor (see above) could tell. So, in my experience, butch/lipstick is the minority case. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/30 "2001-08-23T22:06:02Z")
Could it just be that you’re only noticing the butch fems because they’re the easiest ones to spot? I mean, I didn’t realize lesbians wore nametags. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/31 "2001-08-23T22:20:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jack@ss \* > \*\*He probably means as opposed to porn lesbians. \*\* You mean they’re not real? DAMN! This is like finding out there is no Santa Claus. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/32 "2001-08-24T02:46:33Z")
Lesbians run as much of a gamut from butch to femme as do gay men as do straight women as do straight men as do… well, the entire human race. Perhaps you’re looking at lesbians through the wrong glasses? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/33 "2001-08-24T03:13:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Servo \* > \*\* Two straight-looking men walking down the street holding hands…I don’t care if they’re wearing Hooters t-shirts, it’s a safe bet they’re gay. \*\* Not true Servo, I was the manager for an apartment complex close to the U of H main campus for several years. Most of my residents were from India, Pakistan, China and some from Africa. Many of these men were married but it was not unusual to see some of them walking around outside holding hands with their male friends, especially the men from India and Pakistan and a few of the Africans. They said it was perfectly acceptable for straight males in their countries to do so. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/34 "2001-08-24T03:15:39Z")
Interestingly enough, many of the countries where it is perfectly acceptable to hold another male’s hand are utterly homophobic. ---
**Author:** ![Ferggie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@Ferggie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferggie)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/35 "2001-08-24T04:57:12Z")
hm…the “little red hen” post actually sound _just like_ a couple friends of mine…in fact I can even hear in my mind one of them saying “not this little red hen!” ---
**Author:** ![Servo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Servo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Servo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/36 "2001-08-24T11:26:56Z")
That’s interesting **Ayesha**. This past summer there was an exhibit in one of the museums here in NYC with turn of the century photos of men “together.” Some of them seemed to be obvious [at least by today’s standards], but apparently it was quite common back then for good friends to get photographed like this. I never would have thought about other countries. Especially India, Pakistan, or China. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683/37 "2001-08-24T15:20:29Z")
Muad’Dib, pray tell, do you actually go up to them and ask them if they are lesbians? If you can do that, certainly you can ask them about the butch/femme/lipstick approach. Whether a couple is straight/gay-lesbian/gay-men there are usually but not always some sort of role playing. Anyway, did you ask them? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-lesbian-couples-always-a-normal-looking-one-and-a-butch-one/77683.md?page=1)