# In memoriam: Michael Jackson joke roundup **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 26, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027 "2009-06-26T02:07:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/41 "2009-06-26T17:02:20Z")
A doctor, a lawyer, and Michael Jackson are talking on the deck of a cruise ship when it crashed into a reef. The ship immediately lurches to the side and starts to sink. The doctor yells, “We have to save the children!” The lawyer yells, “Fuck the children!” Michael Jackson says, “Do you think we have time?” ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ce73a5/32.png) [@Black\_Sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Sunshine)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/42 "2009-06-26T17:35:17Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > “I pledge allegiance to the flag. > Michael Jackson is a fag. > Pepsi Cola burned him up, > So now he’s drinking 7-up.” No jokes to add, but I just want to say that this rhyme is responsible for me learning what a “fag” was, when I was six. I had to ask my mom. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dc4da7/32.png) [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_With_The_Golden_Gun)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/43 "2009-06-26T17:44:12Z")
Someone told me that Michael Jackson went to Heaven. I replied that the phrase “touched by an angel” just took on a whole new meaning. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/44 "2009-06-26T17:59:43Z")
What were Michael Jackson’s last words? “Farrah Fawcett still lives.” ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/45 "2009-06-26T18:23:10Z")
Q: What’s the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson? A: One was burned by coke, the other by Pepsi. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/46 "2009-06-26T18:27:25Z")
What happened with MJ and Pepsi? ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/47 "2009-06-26T18:32:04Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > What happened with MJ and Pepsi? In the eighties, he was filming a Pepsi commercial when some of the pyrotechnics set his hair on fire and burned his scalp fairly severely. ---
**Author:** ![Monstera\_deliciosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monstera_deliciosa/32/109_2.png) [@Monstera\_deliciosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstera_deliciosa)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/48 "2009-06-26T18:33:12Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > Q: What’s the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson? > A: One was burned by coke, the other by Pepsi. Yes, and their favorite charity was the Ignited Negro College Fund. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/49 "2009-06-26T18:47:09Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Why did Michael Jackson hold his baby out the window? > > To taunt Eric Clapton. Oh…That’s just…wow… I’m laughing all the way to hell with that one 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/50 "2009-06-26T18:56:02Z")
> [@Monstera\_deliciosa](#): > > Yes, and their favorite charity was the Ignited Negro College Fund. You owe me a new keyboard! Not a Michael Jackson joke exactly but: _You’ve won the “Mingle with the Celebrities” trip from hell!_ First, Grace Kelly drives you to the airport. You’ll board a flight where you get to chat with Buddy Holly. Jayne Mansfield picks you up at the airport. Next, you have dinner with Karen Carpenter. Then it’s off to watch some home movies with Bob Crane. Next, you’ll go swimming with Natalie Wood. Finish the day mingling at Sharon Tate’s…you never know who’ll drop in! So what are we going to work in there, an aerobics workout with MJ? ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/51 "2009-06-26T18:59:09Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > Q: What’s the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson? > A: One was burned by coke, the other by Pepsi. > [@Monstera\_deliciosa](#): > > Yes, and their favorite charity was the Ignited Negro College Fund. Simply brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/52 "2009-06-26T18:59:29Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > You owe me a new keyboard! > Not a Michael Jackson joke exactly but: > > _You’ve won the “Mingle with the Celebrities” trip from hell!_ > > First, Grace Kelly drives you to the airport. > You’ll board a flight where you get to chat with Buddy Holly. > Jayne Mansfield picks you up at the airport. > Next, you have dinner with Karen Carpenter. > Then it’s off to watch some home movies with Bob Crane. > Next, you’ll go swimming with Natalie Wood. > Finish the day mingling at Sharon Tate’s…you never know who’ll drop in! > > So what are we going to work in there, an aerobics workout with MJ? Nap time! ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/53 "2009-06-26T18:59:49Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > You owe me a new keyboard! > Not a Michael Jackson joke exactly but: > > _You’ve won the “Mingle with the Celebrities” trip from hell!_ > > First, Grace Kelly drives you to the airport. > You’ll board a flight where you get to chat with Buddy Holly. > Jayne Mansfield picks you up at the airport. > Next, you have dinner with Karen Carpenter. > Then it’s off to watch some home movies with Bob Crane. > Next, you’ll go swimming with Natalie Wood. > Finish the day mingling at Sharon Tate’s…you never know who’ll drop in! > > So what are we going to work in there, an aerobics workout with MJ? Nope. And childcare will be provided by Michael Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/54 "2009-06-26T19:21:28Z")
It’s as though everybody in this thread is on the bus to hell, but fighting over who gets to drive. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/55 "2009-06-26T21:01:22Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > It’s as though everybody in this thread is on the bus to hell, but fighting over who gets to drive. That’s siggable, that is. With your kind persimmon? ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/56 "2009-06-26T21:17:46Z")
I was all ready to read this thread and get offended, but I am reminded that a joke can’t be offensive if it’s funny enough. Ate a 10-year-old wiener!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/57 "2009-06-26T21:20:09Z")
Why’s today a great day for Michael Jackson? It’s the first time in 25 years he’s gotten stiff without being sued. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/58 "2009-06-26T22:19:44Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > That’s siggable, that is. With your kind persimmon? Sure…enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2009, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/59 "2009-06-27T00:01:09Z")
I have to wonder, is the body recyclable? ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2009, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027/60 "2009-06-27T00:15:04Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > When Farrah Fawcett arrived in heaven, God granted her one wish. She wished for all the children to be safe. So God killed Micheal Jackson. That is amazingly funny. ::Elbows her way to the front, makes her bid for the wheel:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memoriam-michael-jackson-joke-roundup/501027.md?page=4)