# In Memory of Daryl **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 22, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846 "2003-02-22T22:49:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clint_in_Wichita)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/181 "2003-02-24T23:00:19Z")
> [@](#): > > DoctorJ, if I was aware of fornication outside of marrige, I would disapprove of it, and no, he/she would not be allowed in my house. Is that because they might give your home cooties? ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/182 "2003-02-24T23:03:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Clint in Wichita \* > \*\*The kid _died_ because people were upset about where he chose put his _penis._☹ \*\* No, the kid died because he _killed himself_. He killed himself because he allegedly _couldn’t handle people’s reactions_ to where he put his penis. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/183 "2003-02-24T23:04:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Clint in Wichita \* > \*\*Is that because they might give your home cooties? \*\* No, sherlock. It’s because it’s our house and our rules. If somebody wants the freedom to do whatever they want, they can also exercise the freedom to do it in their own space, not in mine. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/184 "2003-02-24T23:05:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Clint in Wichita \* > \*\*I can’t imagine treating your own child as an outcast. > > I have a 2-year-old son, and I will never treat him in such a manner. As long as he is healthy and happy, I’m happy for him. Who he sleeps with will have absolutely no effect on my feelings for him. > > I can’t believe some people make such a big deal about sexual preference. > > The kid _died_ because people were upset about where he chose put his _penis._☹ \*\* It’s worse than that, **Clint**. He came out to them as _being gay_, if his coming out was like the normal ones reported on various threads and in books telling people’s “coming out stories.” What people ordinarily mean by this is “having a homosexual orientation” – they weren’t even “upset about where he chose to put his penis” – they were upset about “where he wanted to put it” – or, to be more thoroughgoing on the difference between sex and sexuality, by the idea that he might fall in love with, and want to have sex with as a part of that love relationship, another young man, instead of a girl. Clearly anyone who would be honest about having such feelings deserves to be cast out of his family and told he’s an abomination before God and all righteous people, right? ---
**Author:** ![Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Clint\_in\_Wichita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clint_in_Wichita)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/185 "2003-02-24T23:06:20Z")
True, but I can’t imagine being shunned by your own parents for something that should be trivial. That’s gotta screw a young person up. Growing up can be hard enough as is. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/186 "2003-02-24T23:08:33Z")
Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do. ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/187 "2003-02-24T23:18:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \* > > > [@](#): > > > > by Joe\_Cool > > I’m sure that his death is a great loss (working on a universal language for mathematics and science? Quite an impressive goal) > > Sarcasm doesn’t become you, **Joe**. And **ass** uming doesn’t become you. This is the problem. People take what is written by another poster, assume it’s meant to be negative without asking, and is dead wrong. I expected a little bit more from you RTFirefly. > [@](#): > > Am I reading this correctly? As long as your child didn’t tell you , it’d be ok?? How far would the deception have to go? simply not speaking the words? hiding same addresses etc? Not telling me wouldn’t make anything ok with God. I would trust that she would be telling me the truth. If she has a friend to bring over, as I did many time, I would think it was just a friend. If they lived together, like many others, I would think it’s a roomate. If they are lying to me, their is nothing I can do about it. If I suspected something, I would ask. If they denied it and I still suspected something more, I would again tell both of them why I thought this, and talk to them about the Bible. I would then trust that they are not lying, and leave it in God’s hands. > [@](#): > > so, she and female SO wander in and as long as they didn’t proclaim “we love each other and in the biblical sense”, there’d be no controversy? she and male SO wandering in and her belly grows by leaps and bounds until next visit she brings along ‘her friends baby’, and this would be ok?? I would suggest that maybe they should consider marriage. If they decide to stay together and not get married, I would remind them of what the Bible says about fornication. Hopefully it would stop until they did get married. If she lived with me, the childs father would be allowed to visit, not allowed to stay over, and he too would hear what God has to say. If he leaves her or she leaves him, hopefully we can start over the right way. Tell me, Guin, what is it exactly we have to be forgiven for, since you seem to think we have sinned? ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/188 "2003-02-24T23:23:27Z")
> [@](#): > > If somebody wants the freedom to do whatever they want, they can also exercise the freedom to do it in their own space, not in mine. Yeah. No fair being a sinner and existing in my house! Newsflash, JC and JD: It is perfectly possible to note that one’s “sins” that are not against one’s fellow man (i.e.: wanting the man-meat) are between God and said one, and that they are none of your fux0ring business. None! Not even if they are in your house! If you don’t want them to have gay sex in your house, fine. It’s your damn house. But not wanting them to be gay is a horse of a different color (pink?) altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/189 "2003-02-24T23:26:09Z")
It seems to me, **JerseyDiamond** , if you can make an exception for your own adultery (via divorce) then you should be able to make an exception for a gay child. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/190 "2003-02-24T23:28:48Z")
Once again, no shit. That’s why I said my child would always be welcome in my house, but wouldn’t be allowed to have their SO over. ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/191 "2003-02-24T23:31:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*It seems to me, **JerseyDiamond** , if you can make an exception for your own adultery (via divorce) then you should be able to make an exception for a gay child. \*\* Cite, please… ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/192 "2003-02-24T23:33:14Z")
never mind, Diogenes. I can’t be bothered with you… ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/193 "2003-02-24T23:33:19Z")
> [@](#): > > Once again, no shit. That’s why I said my child would always be welcome in my house, but wouldn’t be allowed to have their SO over. [blinks] I’m assuming that’s directed at me. If so, I was referring to gay people in general and your child’s SO in particular about the not-judging and the difference between being gay and having gay sex. ---
**Author:** ![serenitynow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@serenitynow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/serenitynow)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/194 "2003-02-24T23:33:19Z")
How did this post – a respectful, heartfelt expression of remorse over a young man whose life was far too short – turn into a flamefest? (This is rhetorical, so please don’t answer, but IMHO it is a shame that this particular post has turned into something other than what it was in the beginning.) Maybe we don’t know all of the facts, but here is what some of us do know: 1. God loves Daryl. 2. God commands us to love Daryl, even if we don’t like his choices. 3. God commands us to love his parents, even if we don’t like their choices. Maybe his parents were shocked, and if Daryl had held on a little longer they would have overcome their initial reaction. Maybe not. Maybe if they had loved him the way the father in Jesus’ parable loved his prodigal son, Daryl would be alive today. Maybe not. I don’t think it is my place to judge. Whatever the circumstances, what happened was a tragedy. My heart mourns for Daryl, for his parents and for his friends. While I have experienced a degree of pain in my life, I have never been to a point where things seemed so helpless or hopeless, or that I felt so totally isolated that I thought I had no option other than death. I can’t imagine what feelings of pain and isolation Daryl must have experienced. I hope that he is in heaven right now and that he is enjoying the complete acceptance of a loving God. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/195 "2003-02-24T23:42:47Z")
> [@](#): > > _JerseyDiamond_ > Cite, please… **_And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."_ Mark 10:12** You and Joe want to play the Bible quote game, but when it’s turned back on to you you want to run away and hide. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/196 "2003-02-24T23:51:15Z")
No, smart ass. Cite, regarding the way the alleged adultery applies to JD. **serenitynow** : Finally, something I agree with wholeheartedly. Thanks. [costanza]SERENITY NOW!!![/] Aaaahhhhh, I feel much better. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/197 "2003-02-24T23:52:26Z")
whheeeew, I thought I had done something wrong… Thanks Diogones… \<\<\< Now that is where sarcasm is handy, RT. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/198 "2003-02-25T00:10:03Z")
I was under the impression tha **JD** has been divorced. Am I wrong? If I am I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![jools](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b3f665/32.png) [@jools](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jools)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/199 "2003-02-25T00:15:24Z")
I’m sorry if I’m late but I just got here and after one page of reading, I had to post Now Joe\_Cool this one is for you… please do give me your take on this! My cousin came out to his parents who absolutely did not accept it, after discussions, negotiations and threats, they finally kicked him out and disowned. He kill himself later that year. He tried every thing he could think of to get close to his parents again but he was dead to them. I was outraged and I did try to help him anyway I could, but being a teen myself, there wasn’t much I could do. His parents won’t talk to me, now because of two things, first off I helped him, I led him down the “path of sin” and enabled him to live that life and secondly because I worked with AIDS victims again enabling them in their lifestyle, but if you ask me… not big loss to me. I have not spoken to them in 20 years and since my mother died I have had no contact with them at all, we even stayed away from each other at my mother’s funeral. Is there any reason I should have compassion for these people who totally rejected their son, their flesh and blood? ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/200 "2003-02-25T00:17:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*I was under the impression tha **JD** has been divorced. Am I wrong? If I am I apologize. \*\* Yes, you’re wrong. It’s no big deal…there were only TEN FREAKING PAGES fighting about the topic last fall. So forgive me if I’m a little heated when it comes to that discussion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846.md?page=11)