# In Memory of Daryl **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 22, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846 "2003-02-22T22:49:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/241 "2003-02-25T04:06:51Z")
I’ve read this entire thread and I would like to throwout kudo’s to: \*\*mattmcl \*\* Simply outstanding opening statement. _Best_ I’ve ever seen you write. \*\*Weird Dave \*\* for asking 'why are biblical references of nth hand trusted but not a 3 or 4 th hand account of andygirl." Excellent. \*\*Robertligouri \*\*: pyschobabble. \*\*Joe Cool \*\* while I don’t believe your position entirely, I will say you supported yourself nicely. \*\*Diogenes \*\* for calling out the part about \*My House/My rules \* better than I could. All I have to say about this whole mess is that I bet that when **Daryl** ended his life he never would have thought complete strangers would fight so passionately over him like this. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/242 "2003-02-25T04:51:50Z")
**Poly** , I appreciate what your saying, but it really doesn’t answer my question. I’m basically getting the response I always get, i.e “That would never happen.” Frankly, I find this to be rather a cop out. People do change, after all. What if the wife decides she doesn’t want to be a Christian any more? What if she changes her mind about gender roles after watching a lot of Oprah? You can’t tell me that there can never be one single instance of the wife in one of these marriages ever defying her husband. Please, somebody, just humor me. What does a husband do _if_? Please don’t say it’s impossible because it’s obviously not impossible. How is the husband supposed to enforce his authority over a non-compliant wife? Won’t somebody please just answer that question instead of finding ways to avoid it. I really do think it’s a perfectly fair question. ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/243 "2003-02-25T04:57:19Z")
Thank you, Shirley. > [@](#): > > All I have to say about this whole mess is that I bet that when Daryl ended his life he never would have thought complete strangers would fight so passionately over him like this. Too bad. Maybe he would have decided life was worth living after all. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/244 "2003-02-25T05:03:14Z")
Sorry. Once again, that was me and not Jerseydiamond. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/245 "2003-02-25T05:10:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joe\_Cool \* > I wonder, guinastasia, if you would have the balls to say to Daryl’s father’s face that he was responsible for his son’s death. I doubt it. I’d let her borrow mine if she needed them. And then I’d say it to his his face. And maybe someday he will know the pain he and his wife caused their son. Maybe. Someday. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/246 "2003-02-25T06:34:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*I’d let her borrow mine if she needed them. > > And then I’d say it to his his face. > > And maybe someday he will know the pain he and his wife caused their son. Maybe. Someday. \*\* Well, if you’d say that to parents who just lost their son, then I’m afraid I think you are a piece of fucking scum, and I’m really glad we didn’t get friendly when I met you IRL. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/247 "2003-02-25T06:45:07Z")
**Joe** , they chose not to have a son any longer. He was, in their eyes, someone totally estranged to them when he killed himself. They as much lost him as they would lose an animal they purposefully abandoned in a jungle. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/248 "2003-02-25T06:47:49Z")
Allegedly. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/249 "2003-02-25T06:55:06Z")
And even if it’s true, bad judgment is something everybody is guilty of. Lots of people overreact to stimuli, and later on calm down and come to their senses. They may have been shitty parents. They may have been assholes. But it’s not the same thing as causing a death. He was the one who chose suicide. Nobody is simply driven to do anything. It’s always a choice, and no matter what circumstances led you to where you are, your next step is always up to you. If you choose for your next step to end your life, then it’s all you. And IMO short of an actual killing, anybody who would tell a grieving family that it’s their fault their son is dead is fucking scum. Period. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/250 "2003-02-25T06:55:26Z")
Not half as glad as **punha** is, I suspect… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/251 "2003-02-25T06:57:19Z")
Damn…you people post too fast! That last post of mine was in response to **Joe Cool’s** “glad I didn’t become friendly” dig to **iampunha**. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/252 "2003-02-25T06:59:06Z")
> [@](#): > > And IMO short of an actual killing, anybody who would tell a grieving family that it’s their fault their son is dead is fucking scum. Period. anyone who values their bullshit religious views more than the life of their son is fucking scum, exclamation point. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/253 "2003-02-25T07:06:54Z")
Well, I’m glad you feel so smug and self-satisfied in your worldview that you can say that. To be honest, I’m honored to be called scum by the likes of you. If you liked me, I’d probably think there was a problem. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/254 "2003-02-25T07:11:27Z")
Yeah. People might think you were human and not a “This book is more important than my child” automaton. Good thing for all of us that you have your priorities in order. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/255 "2003-02-25T07:21:18Z")
> [@](#): > > To be honest, I’m honored to be called scum by the likes of you. If you liked me, I’d probably think there was a problem. Did I call _you_ scum, **Joe**? I said people who value their religion more than the lives of their children. Do you feel that applies to you? ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/256 "2003-02-25T07:35:43Z")
Yes. I said earlier in the thread that my God comes before my child. Of course, I express my love for God partially in the way I love my child, so there’s no conflict. Guin and I actually went a few rounds over it a page or two back. I know that you think my faith is bullshit abstractions but that makes no difference to me. Fortunately for me, I don’t live my life to please you, and I don’t fall asleep at night thinking how much I wish the people at Straight Dope would like me more. Actually, on reread, maybe your statement doesn’t apply perfectly. I wouldn’t say I have a religion. My ‘religion’ isn’t just a set of rules to be followed blindly, it’s a relationship with a very real being, whose existence you don’t accept. Not that it will make a difference to you, of course. So I’ll wear the ‘scum’ badge proudly. Punha, just to be clear once again, I’m not saying the parents were perfect. I’m saying that there’s not sufficient evidence that what was reported is what actually took place, and that no matter the circumstances, it’s purely heartless to heap further grief on a family who just lost a child, no matter what your beliefs on what they did or said. Unless they actually killed him. In which case, I’d fight you to be first in line to tell them what I think. :shrug: ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/257 "2003-02-25T07:49:34Z")
After trudging through 6 pages of posts, I have just one question… :::looks around and makes sure this is ok for the pit:::: Why are certain people allowed to hijack a very sincere thread about the demise of some young man and instead turn it into _another_ rehashing of their _personal_ belief system against whatever the issue of the moment is, albeit ever so slightly related to the initial topic at hand? Wouldn’t this be the best opportunity ever to let this state their tired rhetoric whilst ignoring it and just going on with the important conversation? Just my less than .02 cents from someone who’s lurked a way long time and watched this WAY too much. ~hf And back to the OP, my many, many condolences and prayers for Daryl and his loved ones. I wish I could say the same for his parents, but as examples around here abound aplently, likely they wouldn’t ‘get’ it either, before or after his death. What a terrible shame. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/258 "2003-02-25T14:42:44Z")
Ah, but Patrick-I would not say it. It’s not right what they did-and unless they’re automatons, they’re obviously grieving. Surely they realize what happened? ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/259 "2003-02-25T15:04:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*Frankly, no. What if your husband is flat out wrong. And please don’t tell he won’t be or that you trust him or anything like that. This is the kind of question I can never get an answer to. What if the guy is wrong and the wife refuses to go along with him? What if she flat out refuses to accept his authority? What then? What is the guy supposed to do? And why won’t anybody ever answer that for me? \*\* Ah yes, the old fundie Husband\_boss thing. When I was married I did obey my huband in all things, including breaking the law and immorality. Never again. Marriage is SUPPOSED to be an equal partnership, and i doubt I will marry any mna who thinks it isn’t,even if he Isn’t a chrsitian.! ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846/260 "2003-02-25T15:06:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JerseyDiamond \* > \*\*(Eph 5:23 NIV) > > As for your first one, it wouldn’t happen, since JC and I agree on this matter. Not because JC says so, but because God says \*\* Jersey what IF your daughter turns out gay? Would you really not mind telling her she is unredeemable and her mate is unwelcome? Never mind, I guess I know the answer, but if you love God and his rules(which you have decided what they really are) more than your daughter, God help you! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-memory-of-daryl/156846.md?page=14)