# In olden days, how common was it for people to enter marriage with literally no clue what sex was? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [February 26, 2023, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395 "2023-02-26T13:22:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/242 "2023-03-14T01:36:51Z")
We should teach the boys… ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/243 "2023-03-14T02:15:59Z")
I had that thought too. Both how to detect health problems and how to make girls happy, not just sore. ---
**Author:** ![a6ka97](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@a6ka97](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a6ka97)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/244 "2023-03-14T12:42:38Z")
I had sex ed in 5th grade, mid 1970s. Boys/girls separated and given specific lessons for our sex. Sure I learned about sperm and fertilization but HOW it happened and what was going on with the females the same age I had no clue. Even a few years later I had no idea why some girls sat out of some gym classes during swimming. But then there was Billy and Suzy, who who on their wedding night Billy did not know what to do. Suzy is getting frustrated and tells Billy to call his dad and ask for instructions. Billy’s dad, trying to make the directions short and simple, tells Billy to “take the hardest thing you got and stick it where she pees”. Billy runs back to the bedroom, opens the closet, grabs his bowling ball and throws it in the toilet. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/245 "2023-03-14T13:46:42Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Well, Catholics are probably predisposed to believe in the chances of conception without intercourse. No we aren’t 🙄 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/246 "2023-03-14T13:55:18Z")
I was a virgin birth joke, not a slur against all Catholics ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/247 "2023-03-14T14:17:29Z")
OK - I get it ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/248 "2023-03-14T15:05:05Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > I was a virgin birth joke, not a slur against all Catholics Yeah, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2023, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/249 "2023-03-14T16:00:27Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Checking (in addition to being invasive) is inconclusive. Some people have very stretchy hymens which may still be present after intercourse. Some people have almost no hymen to start with, and won’t look like virgins even when they are. Some people have opened the hymen with fingers, or by activities having nothing to do with sex, and will also not look like virgins even when they are. Myths about hymens and virginity cause major problems in some cultures/families. There’s a good TED talk out there that conveys a lot of knowledge: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/fBQnQTkhsq4/maxresdefault.jpg "The virginity fraud | Nina Dølvik Brochmann & Ellen Støkken Dahl | TEDxOslo") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBQnQTkhsq4) ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2023, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/250 "2023-03-15T18:39:45Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > Checking (in addition to being invasive) is inconclusive. Yes, the more devout families of the time here would have been Italian or Portuguese immigrants, so I doubt that inspection was involved - they probably took the girl’s word for it. > [@eschereal](#): > > And there are some women who have plastic surgery to restore their hymen so that they can present as virgins to the man they marry. Mostly in certain other cultures. There’s the old joke about the folk medicine cure… “How did you do that?” “Knots in the pubic hair…” > [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > How close to what, exactly? Successful fertilization generally depends on a lot of semen with viable sperm being deposited in the vaginal vault surrounding the cervix. That’s a fair distance from the vulva. Still, I doubt that telling teenagers “just the tip”, or engaging in any finger play afterwards is a particularly safe thing to do. As I understood the mores of the day, the major objection by “good girls” was specifically simply “no actual penetration”. Naturally enough, we were given a passing comment and nobody asked for details, none provided. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2023, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/251 "2023-03-15T18:58:10Z")
> [@md-2000](#): > > As I understood the mores of the day, the major objection by “good girls” was specifically simply “no actual penetration”. Known, among the teenage girls I knew in the 1960’s when I was one, as being a “technical virgin.” Meant you’d done everything else (that you knew about, anyway), but no PIV. And they would vehemently have denied it if they’d been asked “Have you had sex?” – but there were a lot of girls (and undoubtedly a lot of people of any gender) who hadn’t done all sorts of other things, either; some for lack of opportunity, some for lack of knowledge that some of those things existed, and some because they either drew stricter lines or just thought “ewww, gross!” So while some “good girls” drew the line only at P in V, there were a lot who drew it further out than that. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2023, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/252 "2023-03-15T19:52:49Z")
Why do I suddenly have Garfunkel & Oates’ “The Loophole” as an earworm? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2023, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/253 "2023-03-15T20:10:18Z")
because it is the kind of sex God can’t see ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2023, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/254 "2023-03-15T21:03:48Z")
Yes, one girl I dated in my more worldly 20’s told me of her cousin who got pregnant at 16. SHe said “and she only did it once.” I laughed and told her that was entirely possible, but it was also likely they were going at it like rabbits at every opportunity, but she told her parents “only once” because it was obvious they had done it at least once. YMMV - sometimes it happens the one time, sometimes it can take months or years. My co-worker mentioned that his mother disparaged his wife so when he informed her of his first child, he made a point of telling her “and that’s nine _and a half_ months after the wedding.” My comeback was “Hmmm… must have been a messy honeymoon…” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2023, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/255 "2023-03-15T23:49:04Z")
> [@md-2000](#): > > YMMV - sometimes it happens the one time, sometimes it can take months or years. I had to wait over fifteen years to have a child for myriad reasons, but I’ve always found it rather extraordinary that both times I got pregnant, it was within a couple of weeks of going off the Pill. It was also the same time of year - the due date for the pregnancy I lost and the son I had were within a week of each other, several years apart. It makes me wonder if I just got lucky twice or whether there are some people who are hella fertile. I was also a one-timer. My mom had me at age 19. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/256 "2023-03-16T00:13:28Z")
> [@md-2000](#): > > that’s nine _and a half_ months after the wedding The actual average time from conception to birth is not nine months but forty weeks, which is nine months plus one week, according to most of the sources I’ve checked. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/257 "2023-03-16T00:15:07Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > It makes me wonder if I just got lucky twice or whether there are some people who are hella fertile. I was also a one-timer. Maybe you are just consistent? I always think that when I see a family of all boys or all girls, or all the kids have close birthdays. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/258 "2023-03-16T02:25:59Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > but I’ve always found it rather extraordinary that both times I got pregnant, it was within a couple of weeks of going off the Pill. That’s actually a thing. It was reported to be the case back in the 1990s when I was undergoing fertility treatments. The odds of getting pregnant were statistically higher the first month after going off birth control pills. Whether that still holds up today, Idk, but I’d bet it does. ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/259 "2023-03-16T03:09:03Z")
> [@Wendell\_Wagner](#): > > The actual average time from conception to birth is not nine months but forty weeks, which is nine months plus one week, according to most of the sources I’ve checked. IIRC, that’s 40 weeks from LMP (last menstrual period) so 38 weeks from conception typically - but for the first child, they can be late, typically by a week. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/260 "2023-03-16T04:13:56Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I’ve always found it rather extraordinary that both times I got pregnant, it was within a couple of weeks of going off the Pill See, that is because the Pill is holding back all the ova, and when you stop taking it, they are all trying to crowd out at once. /s ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2023, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/261 "2023-03-16T04:21:10Z")
Yeah, withdrawal (i.e. pulling out) is not a birth control method, either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395.md?page=14)