# In olden days, how common was it for people to enter marriage with literally no clue what sex was? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [February 26, 2023, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395 "2023-02-26T13:22:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/41 "2023-02-26T19:26:21Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > Years ago my wife and I were dealing with infertility. One of the questions on the patient registration form for our first visit with the doctor was “Do you ejaculate into the vagina?” It seems the story I told has more basis in reality than I at first feared. > [@snowthx](#): > > I mean, other animals presumably are able to sort things out without prior knowledge. Other animals also lack the baleful interference of conscious thought, expectations, embarrassment, pride, prudery, etc. And, frankly, have little or no concern for how willing, or not, their partner is. Nor whether the partner is enjoying the experience. But yeah, I 100% agree that somehow after at most a few trials and errors they’ll figure it out. The mere fact you and I are alive proves a LOT of generations of humans and protohumans have done so successfully … enough. I can imagine the big difference in how quickly and easily young men of the right mindset get erect vs how quickly and easily young women of the right mindset get lubricated _might_ be an impediment to first time success. Or at least to first time mutual enjoyment. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/42 "2023-02-26T19:56:57Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > think that article, even with its caveats, places outsized faith in the accuracy of twentieth-century anthropologists. I’m having trouble finding a cite, but there’s been a fair amount of work looking at paternalistic and racist beliefs among anthropologists that, coupled with language barriers and cultural taboos and mistrust of outsiders, led to a fair amount of absolute twaddle getting published, in which anthropologists took statements hyper-literally or out of context. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > If some stranger started asking me weird awkward questions about where babies come from, i might very well tell him about storks and cabbage patches. Exactly. Good lord that article is cringe. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/43 "2023-02-26T19:59:13Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > Yeah, I would think even with two people of reproductive age with zero knowledge about doing the deed, laying in bed together, will eventually have hormones take charge … Well, but married couples did not lie in bed together. Those twin beds were kinda small, and they always each had their own, so why would they be crowding into one together? _rot in hell, Will Hays_ ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/44 "2023-02-26T20:03:17Z")
> [@suranyi](#): > > One of the questions on the patient registration form for our first visit with the doctor was “Do you ejaculate into the vagina?” Seems to me a physician can be too optimistic about scoring an easy win. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/45 "2023-02-26T20:29:07Z")
I don’t know… I recall seeing the Playboy pictorial back in the day, and there wasn’t anything particularly scary about her, unless you find nude women scary in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/46 "2023-02-26T21:18:06Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > > [@suranyi](#): > > > > One of the questions on the patient registration form for our first visit with the doctor was “Do you ejaculate into the vagina?” > > Seems to me a physician can be too optimistic about scoring an easy win. You’re right @Napier; that’s pretty optimistic of the doc. I’d also bet that questions like that need the doc to validate that both patients correctly know what “ejaculate” and “vagina” mean. Given the swirls of misinformation and embarrassment around the whole topic, almost no misunderstanding is too far-fetched to occur in your weekly patient load. The patients saying “yes” based on their misunderstanding of the terms when “no” is the truth would really throw off the whole diagnostic flowchart. Oops. Unrelated to the above, I realize now I missed my chance on my earlier response to @suranyi. I should’ve said: > [Dirty Harry voice] > > Well ... do ya? Punk. > > [/Dirty Harry voice] 🙂. ---
**Author:** ![CanTak3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@CanTak3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanTak3)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/47 "2023-02-26T21:28:15Z")
My great grandmother (born 1891) ran and hid in the bathroom on her wedding night after finding out what her new husband was expecting. She had no clue before this. She related the story to my mother with whom she was extremely close. What I have never understood about it is where did she think reproduction came from? What crazy story had she been believing? Did she understand a biological difference between men and women? While this doesn’t answer if it was common, it does clarify that yes it happened. ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/48 "2023-02-26T21:38:19Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Pretty much everyone who’s had sex outside of a mutually-monogamous relationship has herpes, and that’s probably been true for all of history. Sorry. What?? They didn’t tell me that in 8th grade health class… ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/49 "2023-02-26T21:39:31Z")
Even today there are young people shielded from the reality of their own bodies, and what the different parts do. My kids attended whatever health program was provided thru the public schools, agumented and clarified by direct conversations at home. However, we were shocked to learn the course was not mandatory, and a simple note from a parent got kids out of it. This was about 7-9 years ago. I am quite sure the kids excused from that material were not having direct conversations with their parents about this stuff at home. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/50 "2023-02-26T21:45:41Z")
[Moderating] > [@bump](#): > > I don’t know… I recall seeing the Playboy pictorial back in the day, and there wasn’t anything particularly scary about her, unless you find nude women scary in the first place. Ahem. Drop the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/51 "2023-02-26T21:46:37Z")
I remember reading that a Regency historian who was a consultant to some Jane Austen movie adaptation (maybe Ang Lee’s _Sense and Sensibility_?) told the cast that it was quite possible a woman of that era would have no idea what to expect on her wedding night. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/52 "2023-02-26T22:03:26Z")
I’m not going to say there was ever any pre-herpes (I’m sure there wasn’t) , but I am going to ask what exactly you mean by "everyone who’s had sex outside of a mutually-monogamous relationship ". I’m not at all sure my chances of avoiding it are any better if I have had sex in five ( or ten or twenty) different serial mutually monogamous relationships than I would if some of those relationships had overlapped. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/53 "2023-02-26T22:06:43Z")
What do you mean by “five different monogamous relationships”? That’s four more than “mono”. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/54 "2023-02-26T22:15:00Z")
One at a time, not all at once, i think. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/55 "2023-02-26T22:15:36Z")
Not directed to you, but generally, would a man know what to expect on his wedding night? More than a woman? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/56 "2023-02-26T22:16:40Z")
I said _serial_ mutually monogamous relationships. One mutually monogamous relationship from 1987-1989, one in 1990. Another from 1991-1992, one from 1994-96 and one from 1997 until now. That’s five- there could easily be a couple more. Or did you actually means two people neither of whom has ever had any other partner? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/57 "2023-02-26T22:21:44Z")
By “monogamous”, I meant “one partner”. Not “one at a time”, not “one, and then another one”, just one. And yes, that does mean that herpes is incredibly common, and that most people who have it don’t even realize that they have it. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/58 "2023-02-26T22:29:51Z")
I’m pretty sure that you are way off here. [Herpes: HSV-1 and HSV-2 | Johns Hopkins Medicine](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2#:~:text=Herpes%20infections%20are%20very%20common,U.S.%20age%2014%20to%2049). > [@](#): > > Herpes infections are very common. Fifty to 80 percent of American adults have oral herpes (HSV-1), which causes cold sores or fever blisters in or around the mouth. Genital herpes, caused by HSV-1 or HSV-2, affects one out of every six people in the U.S. age 14 to 49. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/59 "2023-02-26T22:32:39Z")
According to [WHO](https://www.who.int/news/item/01-05-2020-massive-proportion-world-population-living-with-herpes-infection) , > An estimated 491.5 million people were living with HSV-2 infection in 2016, equivalent to 13.2% of the world’s population aged 15 to 49 years. HSV-2 is almost exclusively sexually transmitted, causing infection in the genital or anal area (genital herpes). ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2023, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395/60 "2023-02-26T22:38:43Z")
I think that there may be some confusion with HPV which has a very high infection rate among the sexually active. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-olden-days-how-common-was-it-for-people-to-enter-marriage-with-literally-no-clue-what-sex-was/980395.md?page=4)