# In other words, evacuating the bowels. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 15, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116 "2009-07-15T15:30:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/41 "2009-07-17T06:26:15Z")
Lay some links. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/42 "2009-07-17T06:35:56Z")
This thread caused me to remember an old men’s room grafitti: _“Here I sit, asshole hurtin’ - just gave birth to another Albertan”_ (sorry featherlou :)) ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/43 "2009-07-17T06:59:54Z")
Enlighten oneself ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/44 "2009-07-17T13:10:22Z")
Beach a steamer Grow a tail Fire off a fudge round ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/45 "2009-07-17T14:13:29Z")
Re: Downloading. We had this discussion at work a few years ago, where it was pointed out that downloading is taking something from the server, while **uploading** is pushing something to the server. Personally, as the king of my castle, I spend some time on my throne drafting new laws. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/46 "2009-07-17T21:45:45Z")
> [@Sofis](#): > > Remember: when evacuating the bowels it is important to _not panic_. If you stay calm and avoid pushing or crowding the others evacuating, then the bowels will be evacuated in the most efficient way possible, and no one will get hurt. And don’t scream “Fire!” in a crowded bowel. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/47 "2009-07-17T23:57:41Z")
Unpack some fudge? ---
**Author:** ![superwombat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superwombat/32/16616_2.png) [@superwombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/superwombat)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/48 "2009-07-19T06:33:25Z")
“I’ll be in the other office doing some paperwork.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stafford\_Cripps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stafford_cripps/32/7167_2.png) [@The\_Stafford\_Cripps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stafford_Cripps)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/49 "2009-07-19T13:12:54Z")
> [@superwombat](#): > > “I’ll be in the other office doing some paperwork.” Yesterday I was constipated but I managed to work the problem out with pencil and paper. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/50 "2009-07-19T21:21:35Z")
Baking a Cake ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2009, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/51 "2009-07-19T22:13:04Z")
You know it’s time if you’re showing turtle. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2009, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/52 "2009-07-20T00:10:58Z")
“Squeezing the cheese” was a fond one from my childhood. “Seeing what Brown can do for me” “Sending my chili down the Nile” “Simmer the broth” (for diahrhea) ---
**Author:** ![Crazy\_Canuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazy_canuck/32/5282_2.png) [@Crazy\_Canuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazy_Canuck)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/53 "2009-07-21T22:24:16Z")
I personally like to say “Nature’s calling on line two.” Occasionally I’ll add “And she won’t take a message” ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/54 "2009-07-22T01:46:04Z")
“Do the moonhouse two-step.” Again, hearkening back to the days of outhouses. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/55 "2009-07-22T20:42:00Z")
Giving birth to a politician. Meditating in the porcelain throne ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/56 "2009-07-23T04:49:22Z")
after several polite answers to the question “what happens when you eat Dairy/soy/wheat?” and I am getting tired of the question I just respond with pissing out of my ass ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/57 "2009-07-23T07:14:54Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > Giving birth to a politician. I’m gonna memorize this one. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/58 "2009-07-25T02:34:18Z")
> [@Manduck](#): > > This thread caused me to remember an old men’s room grafitti: > > _“Here I sit, asshole hurtin’ - > just gave birth to another Albertan”_ > > (sorry featherlou :)) The USA version, quoted for scholarly reasons only: _Here I sit, asshole flexin’ Just gave birth to another Texan!_ ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Dragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecc23a/32.png) [@Uncle\_Dragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/59 "2009-07-25T02:55:45Z")
A hull breach is imminent, must eject the warp core! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2009, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116/60 "2009-07-25T08:14:50Z")
> [@Sternvogel](#): > > The USA version, quoted for scholarly reasons only: > > _Here I sit, asshole flexin’ > Just gave birth to another Texan!_ I’ve seen “longhorn Texan”, myself. There are several versions of this, you know. The classic couplet: Here I sit, broken hearted; Paid to shit but only farted. A common riposte: Pity me - you had your chance. I had no dime and shit my pants! Others I’ve seen: Here I sit upon the pooper, Just gave birth to a MA state trooper. Here I sit, alack, alas! Godzilla just came out my ass. Here I sit, alas, alack! I shit so much my ass turned black. (Okay, those last two were in college campus bathrooms.) And for completeness’ sake, one I saw in St. Petersburg that has stayed with me. (Translation mine.) Ты не пей из унитаза. Там бацилии и зараза. Дёрни ручку, воду слей, Пену сдуй - _потом_ уж пей. _From the crapper do not drink; The germs within infect and stink. The handle brings the water; tug! Blow the foam off - then you chug._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-other-words-evacuating-the-bowels/503116.md?page=2)