# "In the land of Mars, where the ladies smoke cigars..". **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 5, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700 "2010-09-05T17:35:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/21 "2010-09-06T14:08:52Z")
> [@robardin](#): > > > [@Baboonanza](#): > > > > _Hilter, has only got one ball > > The other, is in the Albert Hall > > His mother, the dirty fucker > > Cut it off when he was small!_ > > A classic 🙂 > > Huh. Even as a kid in the mid-70s there were still a few WW2 vintage ditties like this floating around my neighborhood in Queens (NYC), including: > > _Whistle while you work, > Hitler is a jerk > Mussolini bit his weenie > Now it doesn’t work._ > > I wonder why so much staying power? Because saying “weenie” makes elementary school kids giggle. That, plus the delightful mental image of someone with a funny name biting said weenie. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/22 "2010-09-06T14:09:15Z")
> [@Baboonanza](#): > > _Hilter, has only got one ball > The other, is in the Albert Hall > His mother, the dirty fucker > Cut it off when he was small!_ I heard: _Hitler has only got one ball. Goering has two, but they are small. Himmler has something similar. And Goebbels has no balls at all._ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/23 "2010-09-06T14:23:59Z")
In the 1970s in England we sang (to the same tune noted in Wikipedia): _In the German nick_ Where they hang you by the dick And the German halls Where you hang you by the balls.\* \*Slang for prison. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/24 "2010-09-06T18:59:10Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > > [@The New and Improved Superman](#): > > > > What’s the origin of this playground rhyme / song? > > Lookee! [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Streets_of_Cairo,_or_the_Poor_Little_Country_Maid) did all the work for you! And [Cecil](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2695/what-is-the-origin-of-the-song-theres-a-place-in-france-where-the-naked-ladies-dance)! He also mentions the songs about Nazi physical deficiencies [here](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/881/did-hitler-have-only-one-testicle). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/25 "2010-09-06T19:07:52Z")
We used to sing it: \*From the Land of Mars Where the lady smokes cigars Every puff she takes is enough to kill a snake When the snake has died they put diamonds in its eyes When the diamonds shine It is 1999 \* We also liked: \*Deck the Hall with gasoline Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Light a match and watch it gleam Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Burn the school down to ashes Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Aren’t you glad you’ve played with matches Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la \* _Joy to the World, the school burned down And all the teachers died What happened to the principal She’s hanging from the flagpole With a rope around her neck with a rope around her neck With a rope a rope around her neck_ Viscious little brats, weren’t we? There are probably more, but those are the only ones I can recall at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/26 "2010-09-06T19:43:20Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > When the diamonds shine > It is 1999 I get a kick out of seeing all the different years the song is associated with. This one must be the Prince variant. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/27 "2010-09-06T20:21:02Z")
**Guinastasia** , we had: _Joy to the world the teachers dead! We bar-bee-cued her head! but what about the body? we flushed it down the potty and watched swirl round and watched it swirl round and wa-ha-ha-whatced it go on down!_ As to the OP, we had: _There’s a place in france where the naked ladies dance There’s a hole in the wall where the kids can see it all!_ Florida elementary school 1980’s ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/28 "2010-09-06T22:59:58Z")
We had: _Joy to the world the school burned down and all the teachers too! We’re looking for the janitor, he’s sliding down the bannister with a broomstick up his nose, with a broomstick up his nose, with a broo-hoo-hoo-hoo-om stick up his nose!_ (“Nose” was sometimes changed to “ass.”) There was also the Battle Hymn of the Republic Opus: _Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school, we have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule. We have drowned the principal in the school swimming pool, and we don’t go to school anymore._ The “Glory, Glory” chorus had an infinite number of variations, but all started with _Glory, glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler…_ Then some psycopathically violent couplet would follow describing some kind of assault on or murder of the teacher, such as _I met her at the door with a loaded .44._ As I said, there were countless variations of that middle bit. And the last line was always: _…and she ain’t my teacher no more._ It occurs to me that in the era of school shootings, some of these songs might seem horrifying, but no one ever thought anything about them back then. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/29 "2010-09-06T23:21:35Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > **Guinastasia** , we had: > > _Joy to the world > the teachers dead! > We bar-bee-cued her head! > but what about the body? > we flushed it down the potty > and watched swirl round > and watched it swirl round > and wa-ha-ha-whatced it go on down!_ > Florida elementary school 1980’s I heard that one about Barney. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2010, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/30 "2010-09-07T21:14:22Z")
> [@The New and Improved Superman](#): > > What’s the origin of this playground rhyme / song? It’s set to the archetypal “snake charmer” music, the words I remember were: > > In the land of Mars, > Where the ladies smoke cigars, > Every puff they take > Is enough to kill a snake. > When the snakes are dead, > They put diamonds in their heads. > When the diamonds break, > It is 1968." > > But I know there must be at least a dozen variations on the lyrics. We used to sing / “chant” this during my Kindergarten years, I know that my older siblings did too. But where did it come from? When did it originate? And do adolescent kids still “sing” it? > > Just wondering. Heard this exactly as written as a kid in the early '70s. Learned it at camp. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/31 "2010-09-08T01:47:24Z")
Turns out that my brother also heard a version at camp. His went something like _There’s a place in France where the naked ladies dance There’s a hole in the wall where the men can see them all There’s a log in the hole so they have to pay the toll._ ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/32 "2010-09-08T16:55:12Z")
Minnesota, late 1970’s. There’s a place in France here the ladies wear no pants. And the dance they do Would constipate a Jew. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/33 "2010-09-08T18:12:02Z")
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule We have crucified the principal and flushed him down the stool Our cause is marching on ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/34 "2010-09-08T18:14:44Z")
[KeSha nails it.](http://www.metrolyrics.com/take-it-off-lyrics-kesha.html) There’s a place downtown Where the freaks all come around It’s a hole in the wall It’s a dirty free-for-all And they turn me on When they take it off When they take it off Everybody take it off ---
**Author:** ![maladroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@maladroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maladroit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/35 "2010-09-08T18:23:11Z")
My version, early 60’s: There’s a place called Mars Where the women smoke cigars, But the men don’t care Cause they chew their underwear. We also had a song 'I Hate Bosco" I hate Bosco Bosco ain’t for me Momma put it in my milk to try to poison me But I fooled momma I put it in her tea Now I got no Momma (last line, 2 variants, my sister and I remember it differently) either: But Daddy’s mad at me or To try to poison me ---
**Author:** ![Alison\_Noel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/278dde/32.png) [@Alison\_Noel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alison_Noel)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/36 "2014-07-21T22:17:23Z")
I know I’m a lot late here, but the version I heard is: On the planet Mars, where the babies smoke cigars, and the girls from France, do the hula hula dance, every step they take, is enough to kill a snake, when the snake is dead, they put monsters on its head, when the monsters die, they put diamonds in their eyes, when the diamonds break, it’s past 1948. Kids that I babysit from my old elementary school still sing it, but I have no idea where it originated from. ---
**Author:** ![BellaNouveauVI](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@BellaNouveauVI](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellaNouveauVI)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/37 "2021-12-27T01:11:52Z")
I’ve heard of this! We use to sing “On the planet of mars, where the ladies smoke cigar. And the men wear bikinis and the babies drink martinis. Every step I take is enough to kill a snake. When the snake is dead, they put mustard on his head. When the mustard dry, they put diamonds in his eyes. When the diamonds burst it is (we’d say the current yr… I think). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/38 "2021-12-27T01:21:31Z")
I heard it on _The Simpsons_, I think. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/39 "2021-12-27T01:33:05Z")
SE Wisconsin late 60’s There’s a place in France Where the women wear no pants But the men don’t care ‘Cause they’re all running bare! Hi ho, hi ho It’s off to school we go We’ll do some junk and then we’ll flunk Hi ho hi ho I owe I owe So off to work I go I’ll do some shit And then I’ll quit But I owe, and owe ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/40 "2021-12-27T02:38:35Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > > [@Baboonanza](#): > > > > _Hilter, has only got one ball > > The other, is in the Albert Hall > > His mother, the dirty fucker > > Cut it off when he was small!_ > > I heard: > > _Hitler has only got one ball. > Goering has two, but they are small. > Himmler has something similar. > And Goebbels has no balls at all._ _Hitler has only got one ball._ _Goering has two, but they are small._ _Himmler is somewhat sim’lar._ _And Goebbels hasn’t got any at all._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700.md?page=3)