# "In the land of Mars, where the ladies smoke cigars..". **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 5, 2010, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700 "2010-09-05T17:35:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/41 "2021-12-27T03:20:24Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > _Hitler has only got one ball._ > _Goering has two, but they are small._ > _Himmler is somewhat sim’lar._ > _And Goebbels hasn’t got any at all._ [Hitler has only got one ball - Man in the High Castle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JutPp0Oc0JQ) ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/42 "2021-12-29T00:29:24Z")
I just found out that Abdul Abulbul Amir has an obscene version. I’ve always loved that old ditty. > **[Abdul Abulbul Amir](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdul_Abulbul_Amir)** > > Pages for logged out editors learn more > > > "Abdul Abulbul Amir" is the most common name for a music-hall song written in 1877 (during the Russo-Turkish War) under the title "Abdulla Bulbul Ameer" by Irish songwriter Percy French, and subsequently altered and popularized by a variety of other writers and performers. It tells the story of two valiant heroes—the titular Abdulla, fighting for the Turks, and his foe, Ivan Skavinsky Skavar (originally named Ivan Potschjinsky Skidar in French's... ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/43 "2021-12-29T12:31:38Z")
> [@maladroit](#): > > My version, early 60’s: > > There’s a place called Mars > Where the women smoke cigars, > But the men don’t care > Cause they chew their underwear. > > We also had a song 'I Hate Bosco" > > I hate Bosco > Bosco ain’t for me > Momma put it in my milk to try to poison me > But I fooled momma > I put it in her tea > Now I got no Momma > (last line, 2 variants, my sister and I remember it differently) > either: But Daddy’s mad at me or To try to poison me Our version: I hate Bosco, it’s made of TNT My mamma puts it in my milk to try and poison me One day I played a trick on her, I put it in her tea Now I have no mamma to try and poison me. Also: Alouette, smoke a cigaretta Chew tobacco, spit it on the floor. And: I think I’ll join the CIO 'Cause everyone I see I owe. And (tune of “Toreadors”): Oh Theodora, don’t spit on the floor-a Use the cuspidor-a, that’s what it’s a-for-a. ---
**Author:** ![Gunner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8797f3/32.png) [@Gunner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunner1)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/44 "2022-09-02T17:02:40Z")
Sorry if this was answered already but I think the original poster’s song is a parody sung to the tune of Rasputin by Boney M. I remember singing it when I played a coleco vision game as a kid. No idea where it originated ---
**Author:** ![Gunner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8797f3/32.png) [@Gunner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunner1)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/45 "2022-09-02T17:04:35Z")
Ironically, in the original song, that particular tune has no lyrics to it ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/46 "2022-09-02T17:05:12Z")
Mars has very little air, so how could you even smoke a cigar if you’re wearing a helmet?! ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/47 "2022-09-02T17:17:43Z")
[![](https://greenrushdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/what-happens-if-you-smoke-weed-in-space-1.jpg) ](https://greenrushdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/what-happens-if-you-smoke-weed-in-space-1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/48 "2022-09-02T17:24:33Z")
> [@Gunner1](#): > > I think the original poster’s song is a parody sung to the tune of Rasputin by Boney M > [@Don\_Draper](#): > > It’s set to the archetypal “snake charmer” music The “snake charmer music” is, I assume, what Wikipedia calls the “Arabian riff,” and it dates back to the nineteenth century. > **[Arabian riff](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabian_riff)** > > "Arabian riff", also known as "The Streets of Cairo", "The Poor Little Country Maid", and "the snake charmer song", is a well-known melody, published in various forms in the nineteenth century. Alternate titles for children's songs using this melody include "The Girls in France" and "The Southern Part of France". The melody is often associated with the hoochie coochie belly dance. > There is a clear resemblance between the riff and the French song Colin prend sa hotte (published by Christophe Ball... ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/49 "2022-09-02T17:36:52Z")
We sang it thusly in the early '60s: There’s a place in France Where the ladies do a dance, And the dance they do Is enough to kill a Jew, And the Jew they kill Is enough to take a pill. And the pill they take Is enough to fry a snake. And the snake they fry Is enough to tell a lie. And the lie they tell Is enough to go to Don da-da-don-don, don-don! (The last line, of course, is to “Shave and a haircut”.) I think “They say that in the Army…” was more popular, though. My sister knew a poem (not a song) that started “Two Irishmen, two Irishmen / Were digging in a ditch”, but I don’t remember all the words – anybody know that one? ---
**Author:** ![Gunner1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8797f3/32.png) [@Gunner1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunner1)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/50 "2022-09-02T17:41:39Z")
I finally found it. You are right. Quite similar to Rasputin though ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/51 "2022-09-02T17:42:28Z")
I sang the same as @SCAdian except the first 2 lines were “all the girls in France do the hootchie kootchid dance” Anyone remember a song about Dan, the Kaibo man, chief inspector of the kaibo clan? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/52 "2022-09-02T17:55:09Z")
The version of my best friend in elementary school: _There’s a place in France where the women wear no pants,_ _and the men wear bikinis, and the women suck their weenies._ My mother’s version: _and the men walk ‘round with their dickies hangin’ down._ Other ditties: _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man,_ _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man,_ _I love to go swimmin’ with bare-naked women,_ _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man!_ _I’m Popeye the Garbage Man,_ _I live in a garbage can!_ _I eat all the worms and I spit out the germs,_ _I’m Popeye the Garbage Man!_ _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man,_ _I live in a frying pan!_ _You turn on the gas, and I’ll burn off my ass!_ _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man!_ _Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,_ _mutilated monkey meat, little turdy-birdie feet._ _Great big gobs of vomit rollin’ down the street,_ _and me without my spoon!_ _Comet, it makes your eyes turn green!_ _Comet, it tastes like gasoline! Comet will make you vomit! So get some Comet and vomit, today!_ ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/53 "2022-09-02T18:01:33Z")
_I’m Popeye the Sailor Man,_ _I live in a frying pan!_ _ **I turned** on the gas, and **I burned** my ass!_ _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man!_ _Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,_ _mutilated monkey meat, **itty-bitty** birdie feet._ _ **French-fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood** _ _and **I forgot** my spoon!_ _Comet, it makes your **mouth** turn green!_ _Comet, it tastes like **Listerine!** Comet **it makes** you vomit! So **buy** some Comet and vomit, today!_ ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/54 "2022-09-02T18:11:48Z")
We sang the Battle Hymn of the Republic one about burning down the school (we bopped her on the beam with a rotten tangerine), and the Bosco one (it always ended with “and now there’s no more mommy to try and poison me.”). The ladies in France one sounds only vaguely familiar. We didn’t sing it, so I probably saw it on TV. I was in elementary school from 1956-64. ETA: I see in the Wiki article that the ladies in France song was played on Dr. Demento. That’s probably where I heard it. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2022, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/55 "2022-09-02T22:12:05Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > The “snake charmer music” is, I assume, what Wikipedia calls the “Arabian riff,” and it dates back to the nineteenth century. And it famously appears in the old favorite [Bonaparte’s Retreat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7cDqjMH0O8). FF to about 0.46. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2022, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/56 "2022-09-03T01:14:15Z")
Intersperse with your favorite dirty limericks: _Ai-yi-yi-yi, your mother does squat thrusts on fireplugs!_ _So give me a new verse that’s worse than the first,_ _and whip me around by my willie!_ _Ai-yi-yi-yi, your mother swims after troopships!_ _So give me a new verse that’s worse than the first,_ _and whip me around by my willie!_ _Ai-yi-yi-yi, the troopships rejected your mother!_ _So give me a new verse that’s worse than the first,_ _and whip me around by my willie!_ _Ai-yi-yi-yi, your grandma licks batshit off cave walls!_ _So give me a new verse that’s worse than the first,_ _and whip me around by my willie!_ ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2022, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/57 "2022-09-06T13:35:48Z")
> [@SCAdian](#): > > _Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,_ > _mutilated monkey meat, **itty-bitty** birdie feet._ > _ **French-fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood** _ > _and **I forgot** my spoon!_ The version that I grew up with: Great green globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Concentrated turkey feet One quart can of all-purpose porpoise pus Smothered in pink lemonade ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanubv.2/32/3260_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUBv.2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUBv.2)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2022, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/58 "2022-09-06T13:58:03Z")
Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat, itty-bitty birdie feet All mixed up with vegetative vulture vomit Swimming in eyeball soup Innnnn eyyyeballllll sooooooup ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2022, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/59 "2022-09-07T22:43:56Z")
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, Mutilated monkey feet, chopped up baby parakeets, French fried eyeballs swimming in a pool of blood, And here I sit without my spoon. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2022, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700/60 "2022-09-08T00:37:07Z")
_There’s a place in France_ _where the women wear no pants,_ _and the men don’t care_ _'cause they wear no underwear._ _And the dance they do-ooo_ _is the hula-hula-hooo._ _There’s a place in France_ _where the women wear no pants._ _Ho-hum, ho-hum,_ _it’s home from work we come!_ _With a rum-tum-tum,_ _stick it up your bum!_ _Ho-hum, ho-hum!_ _Glory, glory, hallelujah,_ _teacher hit me with a ruler._ _Shot her with a six-shooter,_ _I’ll never go to school again!_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-the-land-of-mars-where-the-ladies-smoke-cigars/552700.md?page=4)