Homer Simpson: Why thank you! I *have *been drinking more lately…
And yeah - I just don’t comment on pregnancies. The chances of the “when are you due?”/“I’m not pregnant” response are too great (i.e. not zero). If I don’t see a leg protruding from you, I’m keeping my mouth shut.
Barry’s Law: You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Word. I actually had this cut and pasted and ready to post also.
Another suggestion was to double over and start to yell, as if the blow had brought on premature labour.
Agreed. If I commented on someone’s pregnancy and was wrong, I would probably accidentally let out an awkward laugh, which would be even worse.
What are some nice ways to compliment people on being pregnant? I would guess all the ones that come across wrong are said with good intentions, but just come out wrong.
Instead of “Maybe you should go out the french doors over there” would you say “It looks like you are going to have a healthy child?”
If it’s a leg and not a head, we got bigger problems than my sudden and belly-centered weight gain. 
I usually tell women congratulations, and that they look great! I ask how they’re feeling and if they’re enjoying the pregnancy, or looking forward to it being over. From the response, you can generally gauge how to proceed with the conversation.
Yeah, it’s bad enough when your husband’s looking at you like you’re a ticking bomb; now you have all kinds of well-intentioned people commenting on your size and touching you.
My personal favorite was from a co-worker back when I was 30 weeks:
Co-worker: How far along are you?
Me: 30 weeks.
Co-worker: Oh, my God! You’re big now, but in a few weeks, you’re going to be huge!
I was impressed at her lack of internal monologue. Apparently the other co-worker I was talking to was surprised as well. Her mouth dropped open, then she said, “You have no filter, do you?” to the other woman. I really appreciated the back-up.
Fortunately, at almost 37 weeks, people have stopped commenting on my weight so much; now they just say, “You’re still here?!” when they see me. Plus, my boss is terrified of me. Yesterday afternoon before a staff meeting, I was leaning on my cube, waiting for others to leave, and he asked me if I needed an ambulance. I decided it’d be TMI if I informed him that I was fine, but my crotch hurt like hell and I was waiting to acclimate to standing before I actually started walking.
Touching a woman’s belly or saying anything suggesting that she is large is obviously rude beyond belief. But, in my mind, if a coworker to whom I’ve announced my pregnancy asks “When are you due?” or “Do you know the sex of the baby?”, I don’t consider that too intrusive or personal.
That said, after hearing complaints like these from lots of people, I generally don’t say anything to pregnant women about the pregnancy (I mean women who have told me that they are pregnant). Other than congratulations, of course. It’s too easy to offend someone. If they want to bring up something about the pregnancy, then I nod and agree/sympathize without making any comments of my own.
If you post a link to a picture, I’d be happy to look at it and tell you that you look cute.
I’m not sure you even have to be insecure about your body to not want people touching it or commenting on it uninvited. You can love your boobs and still not want strangers or coworkers telling you how big or perky they are.
It is weird, though, how something that is very often the ultimate insult and borderline taboo (commenting on a woman’s weight or size, especially one who’s not a good friend, family member or intimate partner), is suddenly deemed acceptable to some people for a brief window of time. Very topsy turvy.
Perv.
For me, when I wasn’t pregnant and was just FAT, I felt ugly and lumpy and completely unattractive. A comment on my appearance would’ve been really hurtful. But when I was pregnant, it was different. I felt so damn beautiful (until the last month when the misery set in!) that comments on my size were never taken (nor meant) as insults.
Guess it never occurred to me that others might be offended by it. The touching by strangers, of course, is another matter. But size remarks always felt to me as a commentary on the BABY’S size, not that I, myself, was just porky. (I always got HUGE during pregnancy. Looked like I was near delivery–of twins–around the end of the seventh month.)
When I was expecting, I perfected the Glare of Doom. No one touched my belly. At all. 
They say being pregnant is one of the only times some women feel free to eat what and when they want, but I fear that’s not always the case (piece about pregorexia).
I don’t want to do the boring, easy ‘I blame the media’ bit, but it’s hard not to wonder how much celeb moms, with their trainers, Photoshop and lipo, have to do with the idea that women must be fuckable at all times, including while pregnant and immediately after (PWILF?). I imagine part of it has to do with the wrong women internalizing messages meant for the obese, but then that’s often the case.
Completely understood.
But the woman’s size is due to a human growing inside… not overeating! That’s cool and compelling.
Hee! Just about exactly 6 months here and I’ve gotten all of those comments in the last week too! No belly rubs, though.
I don’t mind the comments - partially because the “You’re popping out!” ones have been coming from women who have had four kids themselves, which I figure entitles you to make whatever comment you want about pregnancy - but I am very protective of my personal space and am very, very happy no one has tried to touch me. Eek!
My wife dealt with comments like that when she was pregnant with our daughter, and since she was a greeter at Costco, she wasn’t in a position to tell them to fuck off when they told her things like “Oh my God, you’re huge!” and “You’re going to pop any minute now!” when she was 7 months along.
The worst, though, was when she was pregnant with our son. She was walking across campus, a freshman at KU, when this woman ran up to her, put her hands on her belly, and bellowed, “God bless the mother and the child!” She called me in tears after that one.
To be said only after actual pregnancy is confirmed! Never mention size if you want to be sure not to offend. Simple compliments always work:
Pregnancy suits you
You have that glow - you look great
You look beautiful
That baby bump looks great on you
To be a little more clear, I wasn’t necessarily complaining about every comment. It just struck me as odd that for 24 hours, it seemed everything was about pregnantpregnantpregnantpregnant. Gah.
Talking with hubby about the belly rubs and how they oddly didn’t bother me as much as the variations of “Wow, you’re big!”, he explained, “Well yeah…because that at least is a gesture of affection.” That’s exactly it. Since the belly rubs came from people I know and like, I took it as a sweet thing. A stranger doing that might lose a hand, or at least get their belly rubbed in return. I like the idea of groping a breast in return, though, heh.
I don’t mind “When are you due?” --except it is often followed by some sort of “Wow, you’re big!” Or, “Wow, you’ll be huge!” I had one complete stranger ARGUE with me when I told her. “Oh no, you won’t go that long.” Um, okay. I’ll alert my OB. Meanwhile, “What are you having?” is sometimes followed by, “Really? because I thought blahblahblah,” and the person quotes some old wives tale about how a woman carries her baby indicates gender.
Telling me I look cute/sweet/good/glowing? Awesome. More, please.
Honestly, I don’t mind most comments. Telling me I’m big/large/huge? Not so flattering, especially when there’s so much left to go. I’m paranoid about weight gain, to where I’ve broken down sobbing a few times at my OB’s appointments. (I was very sick in my first trimester, then apparently everything I would have gained then was added to what I was gaining second trimester…oof. It horrified me, but my OB was fine.) I reached the point where, now, I no longer look at the scale. If the OB tells me I’m doing fine, I’m doing fine. Even if I feel my thighs starting to rub together.
It doesn’t help I’ve been so sick this time around, from morning sickness to heat exhaustion (a few times) to H1N1. Being sick means I’ve been couch/bedridden often, which means I feel my body turn to blah. So, I suppose I’m a bit sensitive about being “big.”
But, I love being pregnant. I do, I promise. 
And I love compliments and conversation, I do, I promise. Just don’t tell me I’m big/my due date must be wrong/etc, mkay?
shantih, I’m finally feeling human. That flu–my OB is insistent it was H1N1–knocked me completely on my ass, unlike anything I’ve experienced before except pneumonia. I had a fever for nearly 2 weeks, and then was just exhausted all the time. I still tire easily and still need my inhaler on occasion, but for the most part it seems to be over. Baby boy is just fine. Thanks so much for asking.
Rocketeer, I don’t mind posting a pic because I do think my belly is cute–especially when getting a smooch of RuffLlama. BTW, I’m 26 weeks there. I’ve, erm, grown quite a bit since. Heh.