# in THEORY I feel the urge to kill **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 22, 2000, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911 "2000-12-22T21:22:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/1 "2000-12-22T21:22:14Z")
Come ON you people, if i really wanted to kill someone do you think i’d spread it all over the internet?? (with my IP logged?!?!) It was a theoretical question, jeez, where’s your sense of cynical, macabre humor?? Didn’t you people ever read any Poe? Watch the Simpsons? man… Upham ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/2 "2000-12-22T21:28:08Z")
Cynical humor? I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/3 "2000-12-22T21:30:07Z")
That’s a bit better. We almost have the market cornered in irony around here, but please understand that we also have to take posts like these very seriously as well. Some times you just can’t tell. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/4 "2000-12-22T21:37:33Z")
well, sorry if i got anyone thinking i was actually going to kill someone just so i could kill again… anyway, I’m defiantly up for some schnapps ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/5 "2000-12-22T21:49:13Z")
heh. As I am currently preaching the gospel of Saint Edward Gorey,if you want cynical macabre humor, try the links I provide in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=52106) thread. Not only is his stuff fit the description, he also takes a sudden hard left into the seriously surreal. Tisiphone ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/6 "2000-12-22T21:52:44Z")
[Homer Simpson] Urge to kill rising… [/Homer Simpson] ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/7 "2000-12-22T21:54:51Z")
_pops in to re-offer her offer from the scary thread_ > [@](#): > > Dude, chill! I know the holidays a stressful, but geez… > > Here. Have nice cup of hot chocolate (would you like that spiked with a bit of scnapps?), and I give killer back rubs if you need a little something extra to relieve the tension 😉 Here you are, sweets 😃 ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/8 "2000-12-22T21:56:17Z")
In theory, I feel the urge to drink. In practice, I drink. hmmm. wait… that doesn’t work In theory, I feel the urge to smack GW with a big ole spitball. In practice I must settle for Tommy Thompson. There, that works. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/9 "2000-12-22T22:07:18Z")
In theory, i once wanted to rob a bank. Now i want to rob ANOTHER bank. But in order to rob ANOTHER bank i would first have to rob A bank. My problem (as i said, IN THEORY) is if i ignore this urge until i want to rob bank after bank after bank… wouldn’t it be better to rob one bank and then one more bank and just get it out of my system before me and my girlfirend are mowed down by state troopers and our car is in a museaum some place? Keep in mind i do not actually intend to rob any banks or even so much as steal a pack of gum. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/10 "2000-12-22T22:16:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Upham \* > Come ON you people, if i really wanted to kill someone do you think i’d spread it all over the internet?? (with my IP logged?!?!) Yes I think you would. Please remember that the SWAT team headed towards your door with a battering ram is a standard courtesy that the SDMB offers to our more “interesting” posters and is no way to be construed as a display of hostility on the part of the staff or administration of this message board, The Straight Dope® or The Chicago Reader®. > [@](#): > > Didn’t you people ever read any Poe? Watch the Simpsons? Yes and yes. Which is why I am in a padlocked house with all the lights turned off and four fierce guard dogs patrolling the grounds. ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/11 "2000-12-22T22:53:06Z")
Wow… I shouldn’t say this-but you are strange. that’s all I’ve got to say about this follow-up thread, and your original thread. It’s just odd! a little off even. Thank you, and have a nice (SAFE) holiday season… * * * Ad Noctum, who is now afraid of Upham ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/12 "2000-12-22T22:56:33Z")
Strange? You have no idea…I am Upham, you people will learn to get used to it (usually takes a month) ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/13 "2000-12-22T23:04:58Z")
So, Upham, when do you start acting strange? ---
**Author:** ![Ad\_Noctum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b19c9b/32.png) [@Ad\_Noctum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ad_Noctum)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/14 "2000-12-22T23:07:44Z")
BTW, everyone-- Just be glad he’s on the internet, and not on the streets… ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2000, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/15 "2000-12-23T05:12:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Upham \* > \*\*In theory, i once wanted to rob a bank. Now i want to rob ANOTHER bank. But in order to rob ANOTHER bank i would first have to rob A bank. > > My problem (as i said, IN THEORY) is if i ignore this urge until i want to rob bank after bank after bank… wouldn’t it be better to rob one bank and then one more bank and just get it out of my system before me and my girlfirend are mowed down by state troopers and our car is in a museaum some place?\*\* No. No one gives in to an urge just once. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/16 "2000-12-23T05:14:54Z")
My point was that i would do it once, then do it again, there by satisfying my self. So i wouldnt have to do it any more? ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2000, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/17 "2000-12-23T05:17:23Z")
That question mark isnt really a question mark, it’s a period. ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/18 "2000-12-24T04:27:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Upham \* > \*\*well, sorry if i got anyone thinking i was actually going to kill someone just so i could kill again… > > anyway, I’m defiantly up for some schnapps > > \*\* I was thinking you could kill someone, then rivive them, and then kill them again. It would save time and effort, as they would be pretty worn out and tired the second time around. Oh, um… Allegedly… ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/19 "2000-12-24T04:29:00Z")
. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2000, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911/20 "2000-12-24T04:53:16Z")
Wow, someone finally comes up with a real solution to the origonal problem And such a great name! i sass a hoopy frood who really knows where his towel is (do i sound like a geek yet?) Upham [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-theory-i-feel-the-urge-to-kill/46911.md?page=2)