# In What Ways Has the Web Totally Failed You? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2008, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983 "2008-07-18T19:48:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/41 "2008-07-22T06:32:08Z")
[QUOTE=Drain Bead] I have been looking for a particular clip from SNL for ages. It’s from right before the 2000 elections, and it’s a flash-forward to Bush’s first televised presidential address to the nation. At some point they show a map and the whole country has gone to hell. A portion of the country is on fire, the Mississippi has flooded and its delta has taken out pretty much all of Louisiana, California has fallen into the sea, that sort of thing. Looking back, it was remarkably prescient. And now I can’t find it ANYWHERE. [/QUOTE] Until you find it (and the Google results show at least a couple of people wondering where to find that sketch), [here’s a transcript.](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/00/00dglimpse1.phtml) ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/42 "2008-07-22T14:27:26Z")
[QUOTE=ZipperJJ] Yeah really. Even better, you can find the script in the library, draw it and post it on Wikipedia for everyone to have. [/QUOTE] Not a bad idea. I know I’m not alone in my quest. [QUOTE=pantheon] This may be worth a shot : [http://freetranslationblog.blogspot.com/](http://freetranslationblog.blogspot.com/) “Free Online Translations to Sanskrit, Hindi & Marathi for Tattoos, Names & Sentences” I’m not willing to plug my email in, but if it is worth the risking a lil spam to you… [/QUOTE] Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/43 "2008-07-22T14:39:35Z")
I expected to be able to find transcriptions of Richard Pryor’s stand-ups. I also usually expect to be able to find the best songs of bands I like on YouTube. Usually it’s the one or two bad songs that end up there. (In my humble opinion.) ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/44 "2008-07-22T14:42:23Z")
[QUOTE=Drain Bead] I have been looking for a particular clip from SNL for ages. It’s from right before the 2000 elections, and it’s a flash-forward to Bush’s first televised presidential address to the nation. At some point they show a map and the whole country has gone to hell. A portion of the country is on fire, the Mississippi has flooded and its delta has taken out pretty much all of Louisiana, California has fallen into the sea, that sort of thing. Looking back, it was remarkably prescient. And now I can’t find it ANYWHERE. [/QUOTE] NBC seems to be pursuing all SNL clips posted anywhere. The place to find them now is [hulu.com](http://hulu.com), although I’m not sure if the particular one you’re looking for is there. ---
**Author:** ![Apocalypso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/45 "2008-07-23T04:12:29Z")
Kind of surprised to hear a few others list difficulty finding lyrics. Seems like most newer stuff has the words up somewhere, but older music can be a bear to find. In general, I’m disappointed at how difficult it is to find specific information on the internet. There’s a lot of sites out there that have very little actual information on them (most “official web sites”). When companies shill their sites, the mockups always look more interesting and informative than the actual site. I’m also kind of disappointed in internet gaming. Most multiplayer online games are deathmatch shooters or Wow style level treadmills. You’d think the idea of having dozens of people to play with would spark all kinds of innovative ideas about how to get people to work with (or against) each other. We should be in the golden age of gaming. But no, everyone churns out the same tired turds with prettier graphics. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/46 "2008-07-23T04:41:08Z")
Supposedly, they’ve got alluring photos of attractive women on the web. I suspect that this is a hoax. ---
**Author:** ![mjkaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@mjkaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mjkaz)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/47 "2013-09-08T18:25:12Z")
> [@Bobotheoptimist](#): > > The comedian Tom Parks talking about his gall bladder operation was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard, can’t find it. > > “Nurse came in and asked me - ‘Mr. Parks, have you urinated yet?’ I will _never_ say no to that question again. She did something ugly to me.” AND, over five years later, I still cannot find this classic piece of standup. Nor does it seem to be available for purchase via VHS, DVD, streaming video, or ANYTHING!!! :smack: :mad: :smack: ☹ ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/48 "2013-09-08T20:10:05Z")
I (or the internet) failed in finding enough Muhammad Ali milk adverts, specifically one he did that was shown in Saudi Arabia. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/49 "2013-09-09T02:51:43Z")
> [@mjkaz](#): > > AND, over five years later, I still cannot find this classic piece of standup. Nor does it seem to be available for purchase via VHS, DVD, streaming video, or ANYTHING!!! > > :smack: :mad: :smack: ☹ Back then, and for another year or so, it was in pretty heavy rotation on HBO Comedy. Then I cancelled my premium channels (no implied causation), so I don’t know about what happened afterward. “She didn’t inflate it the way I thought she was going to. I guess that would’ve required the \*head \*nurse.” ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/50 "2013-09-09T03:47:00Z")
Most recently it’s failed to help me find unpainted, wooden, miniature birdhouses [like this](http://www.lilblueboo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/IMG_60301.jpg), but _no more than_ 1.5" tall. 4-6" abound, but nothing as small as I want anywhere ☹ And I need them by Thanksgiving if I’m going to get to do what I’d want to with them too. But I’ll echo the song lyrics thing too. “Sale City” by Generationals? No. Rau Y Mexia’s “Las Escondidas” en Ingles _o_ Espanol? No! sigh. I also fear I’ll never again get to see the Carol & Company “Diary of a Really, Really Mad Housewife” skit ever again, and it seems like it’ll never be out on DVD either… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/51 "2013-09-09T03:57:28Z")
There are several sites with magazines (just got linked to OMNI not too long ago) and books. Full versions. I can read virtually any PopSci I could care to think about. But Modern Photography magazine (the one with Herb Keppler before he went to Pop Photo and with the awesome tests reports) is nowhere to be found. Not even a pay version. I miss that old rag. Was great entertainment and info for me as a young photo enthusiast in the 70s. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/52 "2013-09-09T03:57:44Z")
I still can’t punch somebody through it, no matter how much bandwidth I pay for. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/53 "2013-09-09T06:13:02Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > 1. One single, easy-to-navigate, easy-to-find, user-friendly archive of American Sign Language (ASL) signs, that doesn’t utilize flash, video clips, etc., and instead uses simple graphics and text. Yeah, I’ve had some trouble with this, too. One site I use a lot is [ASL Dictionary](http://lifeprint.com/dictionary.htm) It has videos, but also generally has static pictures and text. It’s not as complete as I’d like (e.g., I couldn’t fine the sign for “raisin” just now - had to google it), but it’s often good enough for an ASL beginner like me. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/54 "2013-09-09T07:19:53Z")
I once tried to find the name of the yogurt covered raisin snack I was rather fond of in the 1980’s. The entire internet failed me. I assumed this was because I did not remember the name, and called my sister to ask if she knew. She did. She is some sort of Goddess of 1980’s candy. It’s kind of scary. I redid my searches with the proper name. No results. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/55 "2013-09-09T07:32:48Z")
Most of the people I know, even the important ones are not on the web, and I can’t find obituary notices in my country. A lot of stuff I’d like to know is on pay sites. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/56 "2013-09-09T13:40:05Z")
I wanted to learn the cool little guitar solo in Prince’s “Sexy M.F.”, but the tablature is nowhere to be found on the web. I don’t know how much of that is Prince’s meticulous policing of his material on the Web and how much is just that no one has bothered to do it, but I don’t think of it as an especially deep cut as the Prince catalog goes. I have found a video or two of people doing/teaching it, but they all have the audio disabled which makes them fairly useless. ---
**Author:** ![Nuveena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@Nuveena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nuveena)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/57 "2013-09-09T22:21:41Z")
The Internet is great if I want something next week. Just type in the name of the thing I want and there are multiple places to order it. But the Internet is terrible if I want to buy something now. I have to go to each website of the local stores I think might have it and search them all individually. I want a website where I can type in the item I want and it will tell me what local stores carry it, and for bonus points, have it in stock. I was also going to say the Stella D’oro Breakfast Treats commercial that Patton Oswalt talks about in his stand up, but someone has made it available since the last time I looked. ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/58 "2013-09-10T00:32:34Z")
> [@Nuveena](#): > > The Internet is great if I want something next week. Just type in the name of the thing I want and there are multiple places to order it. But the Internet is terrible if I want to buy something now. I have to go to each website of the local stores I think might have it and search them all individually. I want a website where I can type in the item I want and it will tell me what local stores carry it, and for bonus points, have it in stock. [Milo](http://milo.com/search?q=pop+tarts&near=Reno%2C+NV) does that for you. ---
**Author:** ![10000000GMK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/10000000gmk/32/7305_2.png) [@10000000GMK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/10000000GMK)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/59 "2013-09-10T06:22:34Z")
None of the stuff I have bought from the ads the Internet sends me has made my penis any bigger. And the all of the hot local women who the Internet says want to date me all seem to live in Russia. Suffice to say, Russia isn’t local. So maybe the penis mightyier-ing is a moot point, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983/60 "2013-09-12T02:16:17Z")
Lyrics here too. Not recently, usually (except pretty obscure nerdcore acts), but 15 years ago Mission of Burma lyrics were not on the WWW. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-what-ways-has-the-web-totally-failed-you/456983.md?page=4)