# In which I become celibate. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2007, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496 "2007-11-15T05:00:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/41 "2007-11-15T17:01:08Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] I _think_ it’s possible to be more into making good things happen to the person you’re with than into enjoying the sensations yourself. If it’s about your own pleasure, a few minutes twice a week with some free Internet porn will probably do the needful. 😛 [/QUOTE] Sounds damn dull, though. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/42 "2007-11-15T17:08:05Z")
People have mentioned going for the post menopausal women. Remember: They don’t swell They don’t tell They’re grateful as hell. Plus you might find a wealthy widow who’ll put you in her will. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/43 "2007-11-15T17:08:13Z")
Have sex with guys, no chance of kids. (I know someone else said it, just thought it warrented repeating) ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/44 "2007-11-15T17:17:50Z")
[QUOTE=ZipperJJ] You need to find yourself a nice cougar who’s had her tubes tied. Or one who’s already in menopause. Hmmm…on second thought, those usually come with kids. [/QUOTE] Well, yes, “coming with kids (or, at least, much younger men)” is pretty much the hallmark of a cougar. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/45 "2007-11-15T17:57:17Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] If it’s about your own pleasure, a few minutes twice a week with some free Internet porn will probably do the needful. 😛 [/QUOTE] Internet porn is a lousy conversationalist, and _never_ screatches my back. I feel used. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/46 "2007-11-15T17:59:30Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Internet porn is a lousy conversationalist, and _never_ screatches my back. I feel used. [/QUOTE] Aw, scratching someone else’s back is almost as much fun as having one’s back scratched. It’s kind of like oral sex that way. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/47 "2007-11-15T18:11:15Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] Internet porn is a lousy conversationalist, and _never_ screatches my back. [/QUOTE] On the other hand, it never nags you to do the chores, and it never asks you what you’re thinking about right now. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/48 "2007-11-15T18:49:51Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] Have sex with guys, no chance of kids. (I know someone else said it, just thought it warrented repeating) [/QUOTE] I wish I could, it would make a lot more sense, but I don’t find them sexually attractive. I really \*should \*. The connection between the female reproductive apparatus and birth really should be enough to put me off women permanently. In fact, the connection between said apparatus and my \*own \*birth should be enough. I think it was Stephen Fry who said that he knew he was homosexual about two seconds after being born, when he looked up and thought to himself: “Phew! No way am I ever going back in one of \*those \*again!” I can certainly sympathize. [QUOTE=erie774] People have mentioned going for the post menopausal women. Remember: They don’t swell They don’t tell They’re grateful as hell. [/QUOTE] Now, _that_ is advice. Though I am worried that older women might remind me of my mother, which would seriously creep me out. Also, they don’t really do it for me. Of course, as I get older myself, I notice that I continue to be attracted to women at around my own age. So perhaps this will be an option in about 20 years or so. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/49 "2007-11-15T18:53:55Z")
[QUOTE=Peak Banana] The connection between the female reproductive apparatus and birth really should be enough to put me off women permanently. In fact, the connection between said apparatus and my \*own \*birth should be enough. [/QUOTE] Don’t forget it’s got teeth, and they’re coming for your penis! ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/50 "2007-11-15T19:08:26Z")
[QUOTE=Cat Fight] Don’t forget it’s got teeth, and they’re coming for your penis! [/QUOTE] [Well, you never know!](http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/antirape-condom-unveiled/2005/09/01/1125302668132.html) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/51 "2007-11-15T19:17:08Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Sounds damn dull, though. [/QUOTE] You’re telling this to _me_? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/52 "2007-11-15T19:36:28Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] You’re telling this to _me_? 😛 [/QUOTE] Perhaps you need more interesting porn? ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/53 "2007-11-15T21:03:46Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **tdn** > > \*I suppose I could swing both ways, but that’s really not my style. > > Is this better? > > DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE\* Hmm, if we can change signs you be DANGER: HIGH VOLTAGE and I’ll be CAUTION: Slippery When Wet and we can see what happens from there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/54 "2007-11-15T22:49:49Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Perhaps you need more interesting porn? [/QUOTE] Are you voluntering? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/55 "2007-11-15T22:52:11Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] Are you voluntering? 😛 [/QUOTE] There’s a whole internet out there, man; there’s no way what I could produce could be that much more interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/56 "2007-11-16T01:10:39Z")
Celibacy is diesease I wish on no one. I have it. It’s symptoms include a scrunched angry looking face, contempt for men with women, and a very lonely apartment. Don’t do it! Learn from me! ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496/57 "2007-11-16T15:01:41Z")
[QUOTE=Peak Banana] Now, _that_ is advice. Though I am worried that older women might remind me of my mother, which would seriously creep me out. Also, they don’t really do it for me. Of course, as I get older myself, I notice that I continue to be attracted to women at around my own age. So perhaps this will be an option in about 20 years or so. [/QUOTE] These women do it for me:[Michelle Pfeiffer (49),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000201/) [Susan Sarandon (51),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000215/) [Helen Mirren (62),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000545/) [Julianne Moore (47),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000194/) [Rene Russo (53),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000623/) [Annette Bening (49),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000906/) [Sophia Lauren (73!),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000047/) [Raquel Welch (67!),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000079/) [Catherine Deneuve (64),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000366/) [Holly Hunter (49),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000456/) [Felicity Huffman (45),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005031/) [Andie MacDowell (49),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000510/) [Iman (52),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0408081/) [Isabella Rossellini (55),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000618/) [Frances McDormand (50),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000531/) [Christie Brinkley (53),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001973/) [Cheryl Tiegs (60!),](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0862841/) [Heather Locklear (46).](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000181/) If any of them remind you of your mother, then please introduce me to your mom! MILFs of the world unite! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in-which-i-become-celibate/426496.md?page=2)